Doubts about paternity

[Jonnn]

A few weeks ago I noticed in the internet browser search history that my partner had been looking at some guys facebook account. The thing is the guy and his son on the facebook pictures look really like our 4 year old son.
Since then I've been having trouble sleeping, and I can't think clearly.
Would appreciate some ideas/advice on how to handle this situation.
Up until then, I totally trusted my partner. Obviously I need a dna test, should I do it in secret? Is that possible? I keep doubting myself and wondering what to do.
I'm worried if a do a test and he's not mine, what I would do as I love him very much.
Sorry if I'm not supposed to post being a man, I don't know any other relevant advice forums.

Do you have any reason to doubt her?

What made you search her Internet history so closely

Either this is a pisstake, you've made a massive, massive leap, or you are having some serious mental health problems.

The fact that someone your DP knows resembles your son is not a reason to jump to requesting a DNA test.

I think it is the former

Well quite clearly there is either more to this story or you've just totally lost your marbles

You have seen a photo. Do you know this man? What is he to your dp? If he is a cousin then you could be seeing a family likeness.

Maybe they're related. Distant family.

Why would you suddenly mistrust her now?

'Obviously' you need a DNA test? Why?

Surely people aren't so bored they make these threads up...

I'd suggest your first priority is to talk with your DP.

What makes you think she's cheated on you? Have you ever cheated on her?

It’s a bit of a jump, isn’t it? Especially after almost five years. I mean, I’ve looked at Donald Trump’s Twitter account but I can promise you all he is not the father of my children.

That does sound a bit mentally ill. As a PP said, did you have some reason to be suspicious of yyour partner, that would make you jump to this conclusion?

Also, it is very, very unlikely that she would have a child with someone, the child end up with the father (which is rare) and she never openly acknowledges/mentions seeing the child ever again.

You should see your GP hun, this is anxiety/paranoia/OCD or something.

Maybe her dad has a second family and she is trying to track down a Brother?

Did you ever suspect she was having an affair? Have you had doubts before? It seems strange that seeing this one thing would make you have such strong doubts.

All of these are quite huge leaps. Work through the problem. Why is there doubt in your mind? If you did do a dna test and it came back as you are the father, what would you do? You would have betrayed her without her knowing and the root of the mistrust would not have been fixed but you would have added guilt. Would you tell her? If he isn’t yours, how would that affect your relationship with him? I’m not in principle against the idea of a paternity test as women never have a maternity issue and so it only seems fair that fathers don’t have these doubts either. But I would be cautious about what doing it secretly could do to a marriage.

@SoulofanAggron

That does sound a bit mentally ill. As a PP said, did you have some reason to be suspicious of yyour partner, that would make you jump to this conclusion?

Also, it is very, very unlikely that she would have a child with someone, the child end up with the father (which is rare) and she never openly acknowledges/mentions seeing the child ever again.

You should see your GP hun, this is anxiety/paranoia/OCD or something.

The OP is concerned that the child he has with his partner could have been fathered by the guy in the FB account, not that his partner is the mother of the child in the photos.

The OP is concerned that the child he has with his partner could have been fathered by the guy in the FB account, not that his partner is the mother of the child in the photos.

I realized after Rose's post. Dunno why I thought he meant that lol!

But do your dc resemble Donald Trump though SparklyOwl ?

Why have you jumped to this conclusion?

Is it a VERY close resemblance OP? Four year olds still have a lot of growing into their features.

Do you know the guy? Was he “around” when you and your wife were conceiving? Are there any grounds, based on her behaviour 5 years ago, to suspect she could have been having an affair then?

Be really careful what you do about testing. Yes, it would be pretty easy for you to arrange a swab test without your partner knowing. You can buy a test online and have it delivered somewhere (eg work) where she wouldn’t see it. But if she ever found out you’d done one then you would pretty much be guaranteeing the end of your relationship, regardless of the actual test result.

A girl I went to school with was the spitting image of her cousin, who was in the same year. Everyone thought they were twins, or at least sisters.

My point is that familial resemblances can be very strong, even when not siblings. You’ve made a huge leap to think she’s having an affair when this could just be a family member of some kind. Have you any other suspicions which suggest a paternity lie, or it is based solely on these pics?

The proportion of men unwittingly raising children who aren’t biologically theirs is huge! So I don’t think OP necessarily has mental health problems at all. Now that’s a jump!

My point is that familial resemblances can be very strong, even when not siblings.

I would have thought that after being in a relationship with her for @ 5 years, the OP would know if the man and son were relatives of his partner.

I had a double that caught a bus with people I was in the same class at school. They frequently commented on it, even got talking to this girl who was about the same age as me too. However when I was conceived, my parents had never been to the town we lived in, nor lived within 200 miles of this, and it's pretty unlikely there was any connection.

My husband however has a double we know through the kids sports club. They're both similar height and build, same shape hands, same eyebrows, same colour hair and eyes, and other than the fact DH is a little slimmer you'd easily mistake them for each other or cousins, brothers etc., in fact people do sometimes when they don't especially know them well - plus I and J are often found chatting to the wrong partner just to confuse the issue.
We do think there is a family connection though as DH's surname is the same as this bloke's mother's maiden name, and both families have lived in and around a 30-40 mile radius for 3 or more generations. However although we can both go back a couple of generations there isn't a direct link, but we're sure one day we'll get back further and a link found.

How old is the other boy?

To be honest, I would be concerned too! It is a bit weird that the one guy she happens to stalk online has a child that looks very much like your child. I would definitely do a paternity test!