Anyone 'fallen in love' without meeting?

[Goodlockdownhair]

Firstly, I'm not one of those women who write to serial murderers in prison asking them to marry them!

I have been chatting to someone online (via dating app) for a month or so - we've progressed to video calls.
I work in A&E and I've been semi-locked down since we started chatting, I work crazy shifts anyway, plus covering for colleagues who are waiting for Covid tests etc which why we haven't met.

However, I feel like I'm falling in love with him. It's really embarrassing! We haven't even met, I don't know from photos/video chats if I will actually fancy him in real life.
I'm hoping we can meet for a SD walk at some point, but that's looking unlikely.

How do I stop myself making a fool of myself? I am picturing a future with this guy and we haven't even met.
He's not my usual type - which is a good thing, but his personality is so attractive to me.

You aren’t falling in love with him.
It’s your mind playing tricks on you.
You are stressed and working too hard. Probably lonely too.
Definitely in need of normal human connection.
So - you meet a person on line who is on a similar wavelength. And boom.
But it’s not really real. It won’t be until you meet in real life and see if there is chemistry. And it won’t be until you actually get to know the real him - not his online persona - that you can be sure that what you are feeling is real.

But it’s a good start that you are able to chat for a month. There must be at least a meeting of minds.
Just don’t name your future babies yet and proceed through the normal dating stages...

It's not possible. It's all fantasy.

No it's not possible.

I’ve thought I had, in pretty much the same circumstances as you, but upon meeting them there was no chemistry and it was really awkward (despite talking for hours on the phone regularly prior to meeting). Since then I’d say don’t spend too many hours chatting before meeting up.

(Obviously I know it’s harder this year!)

I've been in a similar situation. It was 100% not falling in love, it was infatuation at a time of great stress and I needed some escapism. I unconsciously attributed many attractive qualities to his personality. My brain 'filled in the gaps', and there were many gaps because I hadn't physically met the man. When we did eventually meet there was zero chemistry and he was nothing like the person he had portrayed himself to be. I think he probably did the same about me. I now feel incredibly foolish and embarrassed when I think about how I was convinced I was falling in love. We live and learn.....

Not possible, OP, and why I think long periods of messaging or calling without meeting can end in terrible disappointment for one or both parties. Best wishes, but try to rein yourself in.

I've been in this situation and when we met it was perfect. 16 years and 3 kids later...

Try to take it for what it is op. Hes like a pen pall. If all else fails listen to the streets- dont mug yourself on repeat. Works for me.

At a month or so, it's probably still early infatuation. As already mentioned, you could meet and just not have that click or that it is just a persona (though the latter can happen in person).

However, I do think, much like letter writing relationships of the past, that it is possible to fall for someone through writing and talking over a longer period of time before seeing someone. I did way back in the '90s when video calls for most people were still sci-fi. The risks & limitations are important to keep in mind - much like looking for red flags in the early stage of any relationship, but it's possible to fall this way.

Remind yourself that he's still a stranger.
His personality is only what he's presented to you in front of a screen.

Chatting online for weeks is also a tactic to get a first meeting shag.
It creates a false sence of familiarity.

Yeah, I met a guy online and felt like I loved him. Isn't being "in love" totally subjective? If you feel it, you feel it. Even if it's based on a sham.

Anyway. We're happily married with kids now and it's 12 years later.

However, while we talked online, we knew we had the same ideals, were compatible, had similar goals etc. But when we moved in together, it was like living with a stranger as we didn't know each others mannerisms, daily routines, what we were like when in a bad mood and stuff like that. You can't really know someone properly just from talking online.

Wow, how quickly did you move in together @TammyTwoSawnson ?

@Cheesypea

Try to take it for what it is op. Hes like a pen pall. If all else fails listen to the streets- dont mug yourself on repeat. Works for me.

Anyone who quotes The Streets on MN must be listened to...you win the thread!

I did.

Those saying it’s impossible just haven’t been there (I think that makes me number three from the replies you have had so far)

Chatted online. Fell in love, met, moved in, married all inside a year.

I can see the pearls being clutched already

Thanks op. Remember your not exclusive you can chat to other men. It's all good practice.

Try your hardest to hold your feelings back. I met a guy last week who I’d chatted to for a few weeks thought he seemed ok was excited to meet him. Met him no chemistry at all and he was quite the knob head. Virtual and real personalities can be worlds apart.’

I met my boyfriend online this year and we spent 70+ hours on the phone before we met due to the first lockdown. It worked out extremely well, we got on so well over the phone and we were terrified when we met incase it wasn't real

Obviously it could've easily gone the other way but if you're doing well over the phone and video calls etc that's a fantastic start and worth feeling excited about I'd say. But just make sure you're realistic and excited about what you actually know about him and not what you're hoping for and fantasising about IYSWIM

No, you have no idea what he is really like. Chances are reality will disappoint you. Yep, this is me speaking from experience!

Its not impossible, but is improbable.

Happened for me though. 20 years later and he still makes me laugh like no other and he loves me despite all my crap

Yes. We spoke on and off for about 5 years. Lived opposite ends of the country so never met. I felt like I was in love with him but also tried to be realistic Incase it was all fantasy.
We have been together 8 years now and we bought our home together 3 years ago. My fantasy was way off though, he’s better than I expected!

I'm very impatient to meet him, as a lot of posters have said I don't want to build up a fantasy.
I know he could be a bullshit artist, or I might have no attraction to him (which is very important to me) he just has been so great so far it's hard not to build my hopes up!

A long time ago before video calls and the internet, a friend of mine observed a guy at a family reunion as he played with the children. Something about the fact that he chose to run around with the kids rather than hang out and drink with the guys stood out to her. Later that day she turned to her friend and declared that she was going to marry this guy one day. Her friend laughed at her. Mind you they NEVER spoke that day.

Well she slipped him her number before the day was over and he called the next day and they talked for hours. And talked the day after for hours, they talked for hours every day for a month. Then they met up after that month one time and the next month they were married. 30 years later they are still madly in love, they adore each other and I’m crazy jealous! 😂

So no it’s not impossible to fall in love over the phone or without meeting first but it’s definitely not probable. Although with video calls and cell phones it may be something that becomes more probable over time.

If you feel so strongly arrange to meet him in person ASAP. If he stalls this would be a red flag to me.

I think my DD thinks this is happening to her.
I so hope she and the guy physically meet soon, as I fear she's getting more and more invested and I don't want to see her hurt and disappointed.
Hopefully he's as cool as he seems online (and he really does sound good) but as I've said to her, how do you know if there's real chemistry till you meet? Pheremones and all that!