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Original poster

Can’t see my partner for 4 weeks

58 replies

Littlebeachhut · 02/11/2020 18:34

Been seeing someone for 6 months I’m currently back living with my parents for the next month until my house is ready. Boyfriend lives with a flat mate in his own home, had been seeing each other few times a week but with the new rules we won’t be able to. I can’t move in with him and I live to far from his work for him to be able to live with me. I’ve got no work to go to and currently stuck out in the middle of nowhere with my parents I got so depressed during the last lock down with nothing to do and I’m staying at his tomorrow for the last time for 4 weeks I’m due on and so hormonal all I’ve done it cry over not being able to see him. Tell me to get a grip it’s so hard I feel trapped in my room at my mums my illness is also getting worse I’m giving myself anxiety about seeing him tomorrow as the dread of it being the last time he assumed his job would shut down like it did last time so all month has been saying if we had another lock down he would come stay with me guess I’m just disappointed and worried that my depression will come back as it was really under control and I was in a good place

OP posts:
Lipz · 02/11/2020 18:38

Why can't you move in with him?

It's 4 weeks, not as long as last time.

Original poster
Littlebeachhut · 02/11/2020 18:44

He has a flat mate who won’t be working either dosnt want to make it awkward for the flat mate by having me there every day

OP posts:
Rockinmomma · 02/11/2020 18:49

I’ll probably get bashed for this but why not chat to your parents about him visiting once a week at least?
Mental health trumps the risk as far as I’m concerned, many will say it’s only 4 weeks!! BUT mental health and anxiety is toxic and soul destroying, 4 weeks is a life time when you left with those thoughts and feelings

Hayeahnobut · 02/11/2020 18:50

It's 4 weeks, not as long as last time.

It's four weeks initially. The first lockdown was supposed to be three weeks!

It's a really tough time Littlebeachhut. What can you do to keep yourself busy? It's important to keep a routine, and keep yourself distracted.

Lipz · 02/11/2020 18:50

How small is the flat? Could you stay and kind of keep to bf room and just use kitchen for food.? That way it won't be awkward. If you're going to be confined to a room in your mum's may as well be confined to his room.

Prisonbreak · 02/11/2020 18:52

It’s 4 weeks! Families around the world are split for months/years when deployed etc... it’s 4 weeks

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/11/2020 18:52

Has his housemate said no or has he? Have they discussed it?

maybemu · 02/11/2020 19:39

If it's just your mum at home could you not move in with him and then form a bubble with you mum so stay at hers some times.

epythymy · 02/11/2020 19:43

So don't follow the rules. Baffles me that people still are, to be honest.

Alternista · 02/11/2020 19:47

You can still meet outside can’t you? If you’re not working head up to his area a couple of times a week, meet him from work with hot food/drink and go for a walk?

I know it’s shit though.

MMmomDD · 02/11/2020 19:53

This is all crazy and the effects on mental health and all other side effects of this lockdown will be felt for years.

I’d not be doing this to myself. This isn’t ‘500 people raves’ sort of rule breaking.
Just continue to see him at his place, stay a few days at a time in each place. And be generally sensible otherwise.

User7644 · 02/11/2020 19:58

It's really hard, you have my empathy. How do you normally connect during lockdown? Do you do video calls, phone calls, text messages?.... Watch the same programme while talking on the phone?..... Do quiz shows while on the phone? Do Skype/ zoom calls? You can still be a great support to each other from a distance. I'm worried about people who have mental health difficulties during another lockdown. Xxx

limeandme · 02/11/2020 20:06

@epythymy

So don't follow the rules. Baffles me that people still are, to be honest.
Me too. I'll be seeing my boyfriend throughout.

Go and have an over night stay half way through. Break it up a bit. Wash your hands before you leave....all will be fine...

vanillandhoney · 02/11/2020 20:11

You can still see him!

The new rules say you can see one person outside your household.

Here:

"You can exercise or visit outdoor public places with the people you live with, your support bubble, or 1 person from another household(children under school age, as well as those dependent on round-the-clock care, such as those with severe disabilities, who are with their parents will not count towards the limit on two people meeting outside)."

www.gov.uk/guidance/new-national-restrictions-from-5-november#meeting-with-family-and-friends

Original poster
Littlebeachhut · 02/11/2020 22:34

I know I can meet him but have to social distance and he won’t he’ll want to hug and kiss me which then is pointless me not coming to his on the weekends or him coming here
I also can’t not follow the rules and stay at his or have him here as mum won’t allow it

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 02/11/2020 23:57

Families around the world are split for months/years when deployed etc

That's their choice, though. If you choose to get involved with/marry someone in the army, navy, oil rigs, you in effect accept those conditional separations. Lockdown isn't a choice.

It’s 4 weeks

Possibly. The last three weeks ran into months.

katy1213 · 03/11/2020 00:10

It's four weeks, not four years. And what's to stop you seeing him at weekends, even if it's only for a walk and a chilly picnic. If he gives you a hug, your mum won't know. You sound very young and I wouldn't have been telling my mum at your age!

widespreadpanic · 03/11/2020 01:36

I guess because I’ve been in LDRs before where I haven’t seen my partner for a year so four weeks seems like nothing and this wouldn’t bother me. The health and safety of others is more important.

Eugenieonegin · 03/11/2020 02:02

OP I think it’s more important you go back to the GP, at least for a phone consultation. You are expecting a lot of your relatively new relationship to support you through this level of distress. It is also a lot of pressure to put on him when he has told you he doesn’t want to upset his flat mate by you moving in. Get some further help to manage your depression, and I hope you feel better 💐

Everybodyfednobodydead · 03/11/2020 02:09

I'm an a&e nurse. One who really advocated for the first lockdown. I suffer with mental health issues. I have bipolar. I didn't see my children properly for 8 weeks because I was scared of passing the virus on and them then passing it to their grandparents.
I didn't realise then just how much it would affect me. I fell into an extreme depression and couldn't even get an appointment with my psych due to restrictions.
I'm only babbling on because now, even though I am a frontline worker and I know how bad this virus can be. It is nothing compared to the patients I am caring for who have come in due to mental health. Mostly already diagnosed but a lot more with anxiety and depression because they are scared as they've never felt it before and can't access other care options.
I would not judge you for seeing your partner. In fact I'd ask you to. Covid is real but so is every other illness. You're not out in huge groups partying. Take care of you and do what you need to to keep well. I know how lonely lockdown can be

Eesha · 03/11/2020 06:25

I would see him outside but go for walks (but not socially distance). My partner wanted to follow the rules stringently so I was prepared for long rainy walks initially. But we held hands/put our arms round each other and just enjoying a different kind of dating. I think knowing you could regularly see him in that respect will help you mentally.

category12 · 03/11/2020 06:36

Don't you think he could exercise some restraint from getting physical for the sake of getting to see you and your emotional well-being? It's kind of ridiculous and cutting off your nose to spite your face to choose not to see each other because you're not supposed to touch.

Original poster
Littlebeachhut · 03/11/2020 08:12

I also can’t spend to long outside no matter how wrapped up the cold makes my illness worse and at the moment I’m struggling to walk to far

OP posts:
notimagain · 03/11/2020 08:54

It’s 4 weeks! Families around the world are split for months/years when deployed etc... it’s 4 weeks

Agreed, and just to answer the "their choice" response - across the world ATM there are currently countless individuals not serving in the armed services or similar who have been separated from their nearest and dearest for months due to the border/immigration restrictions imposed by various countries, it wasn't their choice either..and yes it's tough..

Original poster
Littlebeachhut · 04/11/2020 08:46

Last night with him last night I ended with a migraine and his zoom meeting over ran so I hardly got any time with him it felt like and then I was sick in the night

OP posts: