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Original poster

Can’t see my partner for 4 weeks

58 replies

Littlebeachhut · 02/11/2020 18:34

Been seeing someone for 6 months I’m currently back living with my parents for the next month until my house is ready. Boyfriend lives with a flat mate in his own home, had been seeing each other few times a week but with the new rules we won’t be able to. I can’t move in with him and I live to far from his work for him to be able to live with me. I’ve got no work to go to and currently stuck out in the middle of nowhere with my parents I got so depressed during the last lock down with nothing to do and I’m staying at his tomorrow for the last time for 4 weeks I’m due on and so hormonal all I’ve done it cry over not being able to see him. Tell me to get a grip it’s so hard I feel trapped in my room at my mums my illness is also getting worse I’m giving myself anxiety about seeing him tomorrow as the dread of it being the last time he assumed his job would shut down like it did last time so all month has been saying if we had another lock down he would come stay with me guess I’m just disappointed and worried that my depression will come back as it was really under control and I was in a good place

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/11/2020 08:54

I'm going to do both op, send you a higeN hig cos it's shit, but also tell you to get a gentle grip.

Why are you confined to your room at Mum's?

Yes you'll want to hug etc but don't want to break the rules but that doesn't mean seeing each other is pointless unless you're only seeing him for the physical side of it. That's a decision you need to make together but seeing each other just to see each other might help break the month up.

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/11/2020 08:59

Last lockdown, I had been with my bf 6 months and he loved in with me for the duration. Not planned but he was with me when it was announced (lives an hour away) and he doesn't have a car so he stayed for 3 months.

This time his living arrangements have changed and he pays a lot of rent per month so doesn't really want his pace to sit empty for weeks, which is understandable, so we have formed a support bubble and will continue to see each other.

I know support bubbles are supposed to be local where possible but it's not possible for us so that's just the way it is. He lives alone, I live with my 2 kids 60% of the time, both WFH and we have weighed up that the potential MH risks of not seeing each other for weeks (it's very likely to be longer than 4 in reality) out weigh the physical risks of seeing each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/11/2020 08:59

*moved in with me

AlternativePerspective · 04/11/2020 09:03

Well, if the lockdown gets extended it will be because of the people who claim that nobody should be following the rules any more.

So bye bye Christmas, and for many people bye bye an income when they lose their jobs. But so long as some manage to get a shag eh?

Honestly, this is a six month relationship, the idea of moving in with someone you bearly know is ludicrous, and while this usually irritates me when people say it he’s not your partner, he’s a bloke you’ve been seeing for a few months.

People need to stop overplaying the mental health card. Yes, for some people it’s tough, but everyone is going through the same.

I didn’t see my partner from March to July the last time, and we’ve been together for 7.5 years. I now haven’t seen him since October when the town he lives in went into tier3 and I won’t be seeing him for the foreseeable. Because if I catch COVID I likely won’t survive (my consultant’s opinion not mine,)

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/11/2020 09:09

My bf is on medication for depression and anxiety so yes, his mental health needs do come first for us. He has no family where he is and can't see friends so that's why I will be seeing him.

I couldn't really care less about Christmas. I'm more bothered about now and the weeks between now and then.

movingonup20 · 04/11/2020 09:11

@AlternativePerspective

Everyone is different, I did move in with my dp at last lockdown, I had known him 5 months. Just because one couple doesn't mind living apart it doesn't mean it's not harmful mentally to another. Depression and anxiety are just as much illnesses as physical ones. For those of us who are not clinically vulnerable we look at priorities differently and for many mental health issues are getting worse. I couldn't imagine being apart, I get the op, it's hard

MrMeeseekscando · 04/11/2020 09:19

I'm surprised it took 2 pages for someone to reduce other people's relationships to "Just a shag" I'm never winning mumsnet bingo on this thread.
I'm with you OP.
At least Scotland had a provision for partners that couldn't drop everything to move in with each other. Because relationships are valuable.
People are suffering.

Amytree · 04/11/2020 09:20

It’s 4 weeks not 4 years and you can still see him outside. It’s not hardship of the century.

MrMeeseekscando · 04/11/2020 09:21

@Amytree

It’s 4 weeks not 4 years and you can still see him outside. It’s not hardship of the century.
It wasn't last time though. It was months with no end in sight.
Bbub · 04/11/2020 09:43

Can you see him at his place instead of meeting outside, to stop getting caught in the cold? Your mum doesn't have to know, and it's not as extreme as moving in so won't bother the flatmate too much. If you are in a bubble surely that's allowed? Even if it's not allowed I'd just do it anyway.

Also at this point I'd tell my mum to keep her nose out if she caused problems tbh anyway.

Amytree · 04/11/2020 09:44

I get that but at the moment it is 4 weeks. Why focus on the worst case when it could turn out to be what they said? The rules are in place for a reason. If everyone breaks them then what’s the point. Where do you draw the line?

Pinkielove · 04/11/2020 09:56

It astounds me that so many people are advocating "break the rules, nobody will know" - if we dont get to spend Christmas with loved ones everyone will be up in arms and blaming the government - it wont be their fault, it will be ours. If everyone disregarded the rules then how is anything ever going to change ? And would everyone feel so happy about breaking the rules if anyone in their family ended up on a ventilator ? Its initially 4 weeks which is what we have to focus on - we just have to knuckle down and get on with it - we have phones, Zoom, FaceTime, WhatsApp, its not as if we cant communicate at all, and there is always the option to meet outside. We just have to take care, stay safe, but do as we are told, its not that hard, stay in, and stay safe and we can get back to normal sooner than if we all do our own thing.

MrMeeseekscando · 04/11/2020 10:05

@Amytree

I get that but at the moment it is 4 weeks. Why focus on the worst case when it could turn out to be what they said? The rules are in place for a reason. If everyone breaks them then what’s the point. Where do you draw the line?
Because it isn't going to be 4 weeks, we've not even locked down and they have paved the way to extend it. Personally I found it extremely hard to cope last time. I'm not putting myself through it again. Especially because we are unlikely to be able to spend any quality time together owing to the weather. Not one human touched me for months last time. Do you understand how damaging and difficult that can be?
Original poster
Littlebeachhut · 04/11/2020 11:48

Nowhere else in the house to go my parents watch tv every night the kind of shows I don’t watch he also lives far away that involves public transport so I can’t go see him really. he would have to drive to me for a walk.

OP posts:
Stonerosie67 · 04/11/2020 13:00

People have come up with help and suggestions and you're putting every one of them down....yes, sorry but you do need to get a grip.

Palavah · 04/11/2020 13:01

@maybemu

If it's just your mum at home could you not move in with him and then form a bubble with you mum so stay at hers some times.
This
Calabasa · 04/11/2020 13:11

im sorry its going to be hard, but there are plenty of us in the same position.

my guy and i have been together since january, and barely spent any time together, we just make up for it with phonecalls, playing games together on discord chats and chatting over social media constantly.

you made it through last time, you can do it again.

Original poster
Littlebeachhut · 04/11/2020 13:27

“Today 13:01 Palavah

maybemu
If it's just your mum at home could you not move in with him and then form a bubble with you mum so stay at hers some times.”

This isn’t allowed though it breaks the rules house holds can’t mix unless in a support bubble

OP posts:
Palavah · 04/11/2020 13:35

Not if your mum lives by herself. But you mentioned parents so maybe she doesn't.

Plus it would mean your BF flatmate couldnt bubble with anyone.

Pinkielove · 04/11/2020 13:43

For those who say "do you understand how damaging not seeing a partner is" or "I am not doing it" I would like to say how selfish you are being to those who are following the rules. And its not nearly as damaging as ending up in intensive care. But it wont be the rule breakers who end up there, it will some other poor soul they have passed it on to. I wont be able to see my 12 week old granddaughter but I would rather that and keep her and my family safe than break the rules and see her. Yes it will be tough - but say that you cant use public transport and he would have to drive a long way for a walk is pathetic - none of us are being sent to war not knowing when we will return, we have communication in every form going so lets all stop acting like wussies, lets get our big girl pants on, deal with this properly and stop compromising the whole recovery process by bending the rules. Its not rocket science. Either its worth meeting up outside or its not - make your mind up, if its that hard then the relationship cant be that precious. Grow up, deal with it and help - not hinder the whole process.

Original poster
Littlebeachhut · 04/11/2020 13:50

Pinkielove Clearly you’ve never experienced mental health and abandonments issues along with anxiety about being alone

OP posts:
Dontletitbeyou · 04/11/2020 13:57

People saying fuck the rules , do what you want , then blaming the government when lockdown is extended . That’s what baffles me ,immensely!!!
Its 4 weeks , there’s many people that haven’t seen family for much longer . You can FaceTime or whatever , it’s not the same I know but it’s not the end of the world either. Don’t focus on the worse case scenario , it may just be 4 weeks .

MrMeeseekscando · 04/11/2020 14:18

All the people attacking those that say they can't cope with it, were you spouting "Be kind" before covid?
We are constantly told that mental health is as important as physical health.
It seems that comes with caveats.

Otter71 · 04/11/2020 14:30

I feel your pain #Littlebeachhut My partner of 18 months who I normally stay with 2-3 nights per week was in the shielding category and is scared witless of covid. He is my social bubble so no reason under the rules not to see him. I work as a nurse though so can hardly avoid exposure albeit with PPE and regular hand hygeine.. I also had covid before we got ppe. This week he has decided that he needs to isolate from me unless I can find a way to avoid exposure (or not go to work) until numbers are down to August level. So hey, maybe in the spring...

Vodkatonic8 · 04/11/2020 14:38

@MrMeeseekscando

What happens if say 100,000 people are in a similar boat though? That’s then a lot of contact that the government and scientists don’t want people to have. What is the point of a lockdown if people are just going to ignore it.

Can’t people use phones? Zoom? Meet for a walk. Since when has the weather got in the way of love?

Bending rules and finding loopholes isn’t going to help the overall situation.

Do what you have to do but this is why we are where we are.

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