Feeling horrible

[feelingsadtoday2021]

I can't stop thinking about my ex and checking out his new girlfriends social media
He dumped me a couple of months ago and said he didn't want a relationship and we could only be friends and now his new girlfriend has picture of them on holiday, meeting family and posts about how perfect he is to her
It's destroying me I can't work properly or eat

It's making me feel so worthless but I can't stop looking

Im sorry love. It's hard when someone you loved moves on. I'm sure you're better off without him, but that doesnt stop it hurting.

Do you want to talk about the relationship at all? Might that help?

If you can muster up the courage to block him and his new gf, it will really help, so much. I appreciate though that sometimes that can feel impossible. Maybe if you talk here for a while, you'll get your courage back and manage to do it.

He treated me terribly and messed with my head
It was lovely at first and when we didn't see each other we spoke all the time
I know he lied to me about things and told me he didn't want a relationship
It's just hard seeing everything I wanted from him given to something else

I wish I was strong enough to stop checking but it's like poking a scab

I can't really talk to my friends as they can't understand why I care

OP I'm in your exact position. My guy didnt want a relationship with me, sex only and now I see him and his new girlfriend on facebook, giving her everything I wanted with him. I check too as I can't help myself and wonder what she has that I dont. I've tried blocking him but then I unblock because I cant resist looking

It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet!
A guy that quickly moves from one relationship to another isn’t a good guy!
What were the lies? How did he treat you?
Try to block him and distract yourself. It’ll get easier each day

I might add my ExH does this and did very recently. He gets bored very quick! If your ex is anything like him I can promise you are better off!

Well he lied about his age and having kids before we met
Little lies all the time about his past
He never wanted to meet up towards the end saying how busy he was and clearly he has another woman
I know that he treated his ex wife horrifically and that he had at least four long term affairs and visited prostitutes when he was with her
Ran up debts with her and committed a crime to sort them out
When I was with him he just used to speak about his ex wife a lot and how he only stayed with her because she couldn't cope without him even when we just had sex
He never wanted to spend that much time with me but now is going for weekends away and she is posting how wonderful he is

He was lovely and engaging and charming at first but then started to lie and mess me about

I wish I could feel better and stop checking but it's like a compulsion and I really can't see past how wonderful he is to her and wish it was me

Two things are important here. Remember what a turd he is and also that what you are sssing on FB is NOT REAL.

I'm having a shit time right now but if you looked at my FB you would think nothing was wrong. I don't want anyone to know the truth and from all the people on my friends list that post stuff about their amazing lives, I know about a lot of background stuff that makes it all a load of old gusset!

It's only a matter of time before he treats her like crap too. Sit back, be patient and wait.

Mmmmmm he definitely sounds like my Ex, I know for certain he’s rewrote our history! (Doesn’t sounds like you’ve dated him though, just similar)
Honestly, you need to be thankful you didn’t waste anymore time on him. He sounds like a scumbag who lies, love bombs, cheats and repeats
Block him and move on, you’ve had a very lucky escape

Thank you all so much it does help me reading all your lovely advice

He doesn't even seem to put anyone first apart from himself he told me that he wanted to go travelling when he got divorced and was annoyed he had to stay with the kids

You'll find someone much,much better. And his current girlfriend will soon find out what a wanker he is. Remember that!

I hate myself for thinking that I have missed out on an amazing man and she is lucky to have him

I am aware how mad I sound

I think you can imagine how much my real life friends are fed up with his name as this has been going on since December

I really think he has changed for her and it's making me really sad

People don't change like that, they really don't. There's no such thing as 'not being a good enough partner to be treated right' - if you're not treated right the problem is the person doing the mistreatment.

He will not have changed, men like him NEVER change
You need to take it one day at a time and I bet in 6 months he’ll be out of your mind and you’ll hear that he’s run through his cycle at least twice more. Then you can smile and be thankful you’re shot of the lying weasel!

His poor ex wife, he put her through hell. Why on earth would you even consider someone who treated his wife and kids like dirt, an option?

His new girlfriend hasn't won anything. She'll be in the ex wife's tortured position in a few years. You had a very lucky escape.

You can get over it by raising your minimum standards for a man to decent human being and finding better things to do than obsess over abusive, narcissistic sociopaths.

@ReneeRol
You should like what my mum would have said to me

Thank you !

I also have to remind myself that he has been bailed out financially by his family
Let his wife take reasonability for his divorce
Chose to treat himself to a holiday rather than the children
Isn't particularly ambitious and is quite lazy about work
Lied about why he didn't want to see me

It's just hard seeing the my wonderful man has looked after me so well and that they spend all their time together and boasting about how in love they are and how amazing he is

It's really painful he strung me along and didn't do any of these things with me but she had already met his kids
I'm having to write this down to stop myself going mad and checking the Facebook

@feelingsadtoday2021

I really think he has changed for her and it's making me really sad

Abusers do not change IMHO.. they just abuse other people

He hasn't changed; it's not at all that this woman has succeeded in making a decent man out of him where you, his wife and all the other women in his life failed, it's just that it's the early phase of the relationship when he's reeling her in with his charm. You don't really think, after everything you've written about him here, that there's a truly decent man trapped inside him who's just waiting for the right woman to release him, do you??

The thing is I do he looks so happy with her and smiling and he seems very loved up

She says how in love they are and how amazing he is to her and how kind he is

I can't talk to my friends as you can all imagine they have had enough of it

Maybe he has changed for the better, he learnt after his marriage ended and I just let him treat me badly

He knew I was vulnerable and lonely as well
I guess maybe she has better boundaries and he respects her

OP Do you really want him back? Look how he can still make you feel bad even though he is not here !

I do wish I was still with him yes sadly

I just think if I hadn't been so needy and available then I would be the one going away with him and part of his family

It's just frustrating when we only broke up a couple of months ago and she is posting how amazingly in love they are and how wonderful he treats her
She posts all the time about how amazing he is to her and how lucky she is

I think you need to stop focusing on him being a wonderful catch
I am sure people give the best of themselves at the beginning it's impossible to maintain

Would you change overnight if you met someone ?
Of course not
Who are is deeply ingrained unless we actively change it

He messed his wife around
He messed you around to be honest the new lady sounds slightly insecure with her posts and may well regret engaging with him

Think of it as a lucky escape with that long list of issues you are well rid

OP, how long had he left his wife before you met him? I would bet actual money you were not the first he’d dated after her. You just don’t know about others because he lies to get what he wants.
Their life is almost certainly not perfect. He WILL have lied to her as he did you. You KNOW this