Why am I so pathetic? Boyfriend buying online pics

[Sadhoot]

I just found DP asking for nude pics from a girl he knew in his home town. She did not respond, he sent 2 messages. He was offering money.

I confronted him about it and he said he just wanted to see them as she had done nude modelling before and he couldn't find her photos online I don't understand why this is important to him, there are plenty of naked women online FOR FREE. He apologised and said he knew what he did was wrong. Then why do it, dipshit???

I feel so hurt and like an absolute mug because I feel like I can't just end a relationship over some stupid messages? We've been together for a long time and trying for a baby - there are fertility issues in the mix.

For fuck's sake. I'm also ill and in bed and really don't have the strength to deal with this.

I don't know what to do. I'm so, so sad.

Imagine spending the rest of your life with a total creep just because "we've been together a long time".

"I'm wondering if he left the page open on his pc so I would find it"

He's a nob either way. Seriously you ought to get rid.

What a creep. Yuk

I would consider this cheating and creepy in the extreme. Offering money to someone he knows for nude photos !!!
You self worth and esteem must be on the floor for you to even consider staying with this creep.
Do NOT have a baby with him whatever you do

Gross. That's cheating and it's harassing the poor girl being offered money for naked pics. He doesn't love you. Don't have a baby with him. Run run run.

He sounds insensitive, and a pathetic twat.

PLEASE, please do not try for a baby with this loser. Move on to someone who values you.

Don't let the sunk costs fallacy stop you from thinking clearly. It doesn't make sense to pour more years of your life into a relationship that isn't right. Sticking it out is not necessarily your best course.

In some ways, finding this out while you're ttc is a gift - do you really want to be tied to a cheating man by a child? I don't know what your fertility issues are, but it might be a lucky thing not to have succeeded so far with this man. It might be better to cut your losses now, and find a better man to go on the journey with.

I feel like I can't just end a relationship over some stupid messages?

But you wouldn't be ending it over some stupid messages.

You'd be ending it because he's s guy who's in a serious relationship/has a partner who he's trying to have a baby with; who's contacting another woman he knows offering to pay for nude photos of her.

He can look at billions of photos of nude women online, but has felt the "need" to hot up a woman he knows asking her for nude pics and offering to pay.

Not exactly the faithful, appropriate type, is he?

If you want to be led a shit life as his partner and mother if his kids, continue.

*hit up

I'm sure he'd be all chilled, happy and committed if he found out you were sending messages to some gym bunny, fitness model type bloke you knew from, I dunno, work or somewhere, asking him for some nude pics because you can't find any online, and offering to pay for them. He'd think.you were a great person to mother his kids wouldn't he.

Do you think the messages were stupid? Really? Just daft messages that don’t really mean anything?

Bin him off he is a dick

You can do so much better

Stop TTC and run for the hills OP, people like him don't change. Imagine being shackled to the bastard for decades.
He's shown you who he is.

Wow, you have just won the equivalent of a relationship lottery. These pages are full of woman who have had children with some real wasters. Men you definitely would not want as a father to your children.
Here you have a get out of jail free card. You have advanced warning that your DP is a low life. RUN

Oh and you're not pathetic.

He is though.

This creepy entitlement is who he really is, is ignore at your peril!

@Cocklepops

* I just found DP asking for nude pics from a girl he knew in his home town. She did not respond, he sent 2 messages. He was offering money*

Also known as you’ve just found out he’s a creepy pervy stalkery fecker.

Into the bin with him.

Yes He's not a keeper

I'm wondering if he left the page open on his pc on purpose so that I would find it?

Really? Because that, to me, would indicate that he's not just thoughtless and entitled, but actively wants to hurt you.

I can only think of a few motivations for that, and none of them look good for you.

1. He is trying to prepare a defence of "I'm a sex/porn addict" and thinks this will lay the groundwork. In future, he will become the victim because of his problem and any complaints from you will be hurting his little feelings. Also stfu because he told you he was an addict and actually its HIM who needs support so shut up and put up.
2. He's testing the water for how much he can get away with and the level of grief you'll give him for each relationship transgression. Harassing women for n00ds? Eh no problem, in the doghouse for a couple of days, say sorry and buy some flowers, all back to normal. Boom! No probs carrying on with this sort of shit, hell try to keep it hidden but he knows you'll stay so if you do go digging, it'll just be an ear bashing. Happy days for him!
3. He has been doing this sort of thing for a long time. He has no respect for you (nor the woman he's creeped on) and he enjoys causing you pain. He knows this will make you feel insecure and that's exactly what he wants. He thinks you are trapped because you want a child and you're going to have trouble and won't want to gamble on meeting someone more suitable. (Hint: a 3 legged donkey would be more suitable.)
4. He no longer wants to be with you, he particularly doesn't want a child, but he hasn't got the very basic manners or courage to end things. Being seen as "the good guy" is very important to him, mainly because he knows he isn't. So he chose to throw you this bomb and hopes that you detonate it. He didn't give a shit how hurtful you would find it, so long as he doesn't have to behave like a human being or come across as the bad guy.

I honestly can't think of a positive spin to put on this, if it was deliberate.

BTW, be prepared for him to blame you and ttc for him doing this. "You made me feel like a baby making machine" waily waily wah wah. Tell him to get to fuck with that. Decent human beings who are ttc and having difficulties sit down with their partner and say "I feel like we're so focussed on conceiving that we're not connecting intimately. Can we make an effort to have sex that's just for us, as well as ttc?" That's what a proper partner does. Not send pervy, creepy messages to some poor lass who doesn't know him from Adam.

I know it's a lot to take in and you're not ready to make a decision one way or the other. Can you ask him to go stay elsewhere for a bit? You need some space.

Don’t have a baby with this creep!

Please don't get pregnant by this asshole , your future child deserves better xxx

Why do you feel bad? You’ve done nothing wrong! I think you really need to get therapy ASAP to get help with understanding why you a) feel bad for other people’s behaviour and b) feel you need a ‘reason’ to end a relationship. You know you don’t have to have a reason to end a relationship right? You’re not married. You could wake up one morning and suddenly decide not to carry on just because it’s a Wednesday and you feel like it. Who do you feel you have to justify yourself to? You’re being a doormat! Stop. This behaviour of his is disgusting and it would terminate my relationship immediately. Know your worth and your own mind. Stop letting him walk all over you. Don’t you want better for yourself? He’s not Chris Hemsworth! Why are you clinging onto a piece of rubbish like it’s a priceless piece of art???!! Dump dump dump

Oh and personally (if it was me) I’d not even tell him to his face. I’d organise to move out. Then I’d leave a really shit handrawn picture of myself naked comedy style with my middle finger up and on it I’d write “there’s your naked picture. Wanker. You’re dumped. Now fuck off loser” and stick to it

Sorry for getting caught, sorry for hurting you.
So no promise of not being a sleaze again then.
Please higher your bar, or better still find out why it's so low.

This man is an asshole. It would be a line crossed for me. No excuses for this behaviour but I’m sure it’s easier to say it than do it by leaving him. Pick up your self esteem and run.

So, he thinks so little of you, his wife, that instead of paying attention to you (naked or otherwise) he harasses other women?
You know you can't have children with him, never mind fertility issues. I really hope you meet a lovely new man and have a lovely baby with him.