Being made to feel stupid or am i?

[Kidsanddogs]

If dh asks you what one you want and you say any?
Does it really matter or?
Dh saying oh why can’t you ever make a decision
Having a go
Has called me stupid in the past
Or should i man up and start deciding which f*cking piece i want

Piece of what?

Indecision, especially when it's constant, can irritate people hugely. I am guilty of this because I don't care about minor decisions, am easy going, and if someone else has a preference I'm happy to go along with it.

When people do it back to me though it drives me nuts

He shouldn't be calling you stupid though.

Why do you keep throwing the choice back to someone else? Make a decision and own it. What you're doing is basically taking no responsibility for any decision. It's really childish and I'm not surprised at all that he's fed up with it.

It was pizza

Most people like you, OP, either look faintly disappointed with the option the other person has chosen, or says "Oh that's my favourite" which is equally infuriating.

You're just as capable of picking at random as anyone else - especially when the outcome is going to be exactly the same.

Thought experiment:

If I said to you I will give you five pounds if you pick 'red', 'blue', or 'green'. (All you have to do is say 'red', 'blue', or 'green' and I will give you a fiver. There is no wrong answer and the reward will be the same.) You wouldn't have any problem would you?

So when the rewards on offer are the same - ie you would be happy with "any" of the options on offer - why don't you just pick one and be done with it?

You are giving him all the mental load of constantly making decisions for himself and for you. It's very unhelpful. Why should he have to pick your piece of pizza for you?

There is no excuse to call you stupid

It is not “manning up”to decide which piece of pizza you wish. It’s a simple decision

If someone consistently refuses to make a decision it’s completely annoying. If you know it annoys him. Which you do, just point to a piece of pizza. It’s not hard.

It doesn’t mean you’re stupid though or he gets to tell you you are.

It's good to have an opinion and state what you want - even if it really doesn't matter to you.

Shifted responsibility for your choices to someone else is not stupid - but it's irritating.

He should not be calling you stupid... this makes him a dick

Make a choice occasionally OP..

🌺

To be honest calling you stupid isn't great, he should have said that when you don't show interest in deciding it makes him feel overly responsible. Maybe he just want to make the decision together.
Communication would be the key, he should improve as well. Good luck!

Nest time he asks, pick the best on offer, and continue to do that every time.

He'll soon stop asking.

And when i say not great,i mean really poor behaviour, but as with kids, sometimes behaviour is communication in a way!

Maybe he just want to make the decision together

On which piece of pizza she should have

Op, make decisions. You’re not a child. He doesn’t need to make every single decision for you, inc which piece of pizza you wish to eat.

Lack of personal responsibility is a real irritant for most people. But as said, it doesn’t mean he can call you stupid.

However if my husband refused to make decisions, even going so far as not wishing to decide which bit of pizza he wished to eat, I’d probably have a go too.

Thanks for reply’s
Its really not like this though
I do usually make decisions its always me arranging days out, etc
It was me who suggested and booked the place we went, 🤷🏼‍♂️
If not we’d have stayed in

Calling someone stupid is never a nice thing to do so I'm guessing there's more to this.

I would echo all the pps above if you regularly leave decisions to others. Are you genuinely "laid back" or are you one of those passive "too nice" people who always to defer to others regardless what you want yourself? My mum is the latter and it's INFURIATING! She thinks she's being nice and undemanding but will often turn her nose up at someone else's decision instead of speaking her fucking mind to begin with. I have friends too who seem scared to assert themselves even for the most mundane decisions for fear they'll appear rude. So meek and annoying! If you're one of those types I'm with your husband I'm afraid.

It isn’t about “manning up” it’s about just making a very simple decision. My husband is a bit like this. “Oh I don’t mind” etc and it drives me potty sometimes. I’d never call him stupid, but I’ve been known to mutter “for fuck sake”.

I don't know quite what you're asking but as someone who often asks my boyfriend what he wants to eat, it's really bloody irritating when he says ' I don't mind, you choose'.

Elbels I feel the same. Drives me potty. He can’t even decide if he wants a tea or coffee, it’s up to me apparently.

@Kidsanddogs

Thanks for reply’s Its really not like this though I do usually make decisions its always me arranging days out, etc It was me who suggested and booked the place we went, 🤷🏼‍♂️ If not we’d have stayed in

Ok, but he seems to think you regularly don’t make decisions so something is adrift here.

It’s just weird how you described deciding which bit of pizza you wish to eat as “manning up”. It’s an odd way to describe it

The bottom line though is if you just annoy each other then really is thr relationship working?

Calling you stupid means he should get no fucking pizza .

Thanks for reply’s
Its really not like this though
I do usually make decisions its always me arranging days out, etc
It was me who suggested and booked the place we went,
If not we’d have stayed in

Aahhh okay... he's still a Dick then OP 🌺

My husband could never make a decision and it drove me mental. What do you want for tea? (Him) anything. Gave him about 5 choices all of which he'd decline . I'd then have a hissy fit in the kitchen ,shouting ' not only do I have to do everything for him , I even have to think for him ! '

He shouldnt be calling you stupid!
You could foil this particular conversation by picking any random one and just saying The one on the left-hand side please...
because it doesn't matter. If there's still an argument, then you know you its about more than that.

This might sound OTT but could it be a case that by not picking something you are actually trying to be deferential and offering him the first choice... so it might even be a subconscious status thing?

My mother always gave my Dad and brothers first shot at any food because she was brought up to defer to the "wage earner" and it was considered a breech of etiquette if anyone who was not male dived in first.
Another way of looking at it, are you anxious about making decisions? or is he over reacting to this because its putting a decision on him and he doesn't like making decisions?

Not sure - it is the drippy sort of thing that, mostly, women do: behaving as if what they want is less important than what the mighty male wants.

On the other hand, he could just be being a dick and criticising you for any random thing he can find.

What do you think?

Out of exasperation and frustration with the 'I don't mind' answers, I said that reply now equated to 'I don't want any' and stuck to it.

Amazing how quickly a choice can be made when that's the alternative.