If you had a son

[BigFatLiar]

Following on from other topics...

If you had a son and you found he was dating a 'mumsneter' what advice would you give him (other than don't)

be honest and respectful
while the relationship was running be faithful
don't look on it as long term
don't have children
don't move in or have her move in
have fun

Treat your partner as you wish to be treated

Why would these three be advice??

don't look on it as long term
don't have children
don't move in or have her move in

Maybe “don’t define the woman you are dating as a Mumsnet yet you oddball”. There are 40K + users a day with a variety of experiences and opinions?

What do you mean single mother ? Don’t really understand d what your asking tbh

I read loads of posters on here saying their DH's are lovely, respectful, decent......
Just because they generally recognise when someone else is not those things doesn't mean a normally good man is not going to be treated badly.

Huh?.... am I clueless or is this a bizarre generalisation of Mumsnetters?!... I don’t get it...

My husband is fucking fantastic, as am I.

'be wary of wankers' is my advice for both sexes.

I cannot imagine knowing which forums any of my son's partners waste time on.

My advice would be (and is)
Work hard
Be a team
Share the chores
Support each other’s ambitions
Enjoy your life together by doing things you both enjoy together and independently
Come and visit your mum often

Why would any advice be different because they were on Mumsnet?

Don't cocklodge!
Don't be boring af with playing video games and sitting on the sofa.
Take her out.
Make sure you are clean and clean up after yourself.

I do have a son, and I would worry he was dating some sad middle aged woman like his mum who spends too much time on here.

Anyway, he's got a girlfriend who is lovely and I'm sure has never heard of MN. He does most of the cooking, his fair share of the cleaning, and cleans out all the cat litter trays. he can be an arrogant little shit on occasion though.

Perhaps I've spent too much time on MN during this strange period. It's probably the nature of MN but there seems to be a very negative and intolerant attitude to men. (Most of those mentioned on here though seem to deserve it). If I had a son I' like to think I'd have raised him to be a kind and caring person not a bully or manchild (though these too are someones sons). If he was the person I hoped, I'd like to think he deserved someone without the negative outlook that MN seems to generate.

he can be an arrogant little shit on occasion though
I suspect his lovely girlfriend isn't perfect either, none of us are. As long as they're aware they both have faults and can work together then its a good start. MN however seems to suggest giving up at the first problem. I'm only glad my OH didn't give up on us in the past.

OP are you not a mumsnetter????by definition?

From what I’ve seen, the negativity isn’t without reason. It’s usually from someone being in a relationship with an arse.
We should all expect decent partners and not stand for continuous selfish or lazy behaviour.

My advice would be don’t date a women who uses mumsnet as most are bitter, narrow minded prats 🤣

sorry not sorry!

Mmm - I think there are just enduring myths about the invulnerability of men, and the vulnerability of women.

And I’m not denying patriarchy or sexism in society - in fact it might be a symptom of that. It’s just the fact that most of us are fuck ups in one way or another - and somehow have to make sense of maintaining healthy happy loving relationships, even with the layers of history that shape us and our environment.

@1738hey

OP are you not a mumsnetter????by definition?

Sadly I must own up to being so, more so since Lockdown and it does tend to cloud my view at times. There are a lot of bad stories to be told with women living in totally unacceptable ways, but some of the MN tales are silly.

I try and not get too cynical and keep MN away from real life. Its sad to think that for some it is real and can only hope that things improve for them.

I joined Mumsnet because I wanted advice on a my best mate’s affair with a married man ( and I really helped to have an independent viewpoint). I’m happily married, have no issues and think a lot of men are great. I’m on here as I’m genuinely interested in people’s stories and wanting to help if I can.

Meant to say it really helped!

Clearly people asking for help with their relationship on MN isn’t representative of the whole population... it should be a safe space for people to get support.

Obviously I’m not going to start a thread about how my DH is wonderful, supportive and we share domestic tasks equally, just so we have some stories about “good men” for balance.

Ah, I suppose you're a 'not all men' kind of woman?

What? MN is not a hive mind. Odd thread.

MN however seems to suggest giving up at the first problem. I'm only glad my OH didn't give up on us in the past.
I wish my ex had! Or that I had left when I thought about doing so, a few years into our relationship. Instead, he persuaded me that you shouldn't "just give up" on a relationship; that relationships were something "you should work on". I thought he was more experienced than me, and stayed. I really shouldn't have. He wasn't awful, but looking back I was quite right to think that our arguments were a sign that we weren't meant for one another.

Your experience does not mean that other women or men should stick with their relationship.

(I "worked on" our relationship while he looked on for 20 years, until he had an affair and told the OW that he had never wanted to marry me, and I made him do it.)