Loneliness because of Covid and living by yourself

[sugarlost]

Hi,
I’m wondering if many people are questioning their life choices. Prior to Covid I had a great social life . But I’ve realised despite having a number of friends who most have families of their own...I feel abandoned. Looking at my diary I have no idea when I will see a friend again. I’m fed up of asking to meet and I thought friends would make an effort to even meet for walk or coffee( I under people are cautious but I’m feeling so lonely now)...some don’t live that far and I’m happy to travel. It’s just made me realise that I’m starting to feel resentful which is bad. The video calls have stopped too but tbh I prefer real life meet.

Anyone else feel the same way? It just feels so unfair as I’m not even meeting my family(they are older) which I hope to do soon.

I just feel like no one cares and they are all in their family bubbles.
I just had to let it out...I know I’ll probably get YABU and it’s hard for everyone but not to see anyone you know for weeks....

Hi OP. I live alone and have felt really lonely at times during Covid.

I have a few friends but haven't been able to see them.

I have joined a Zoom group for one of my hobbies which will help. Could you do something similar? If you look on the Meet Up website there might be an online book group or something you could join.

I find staying in for days doesn't do my mental health any good. I go for walks. Even if it is just walking to a shop at least I am getting some exercise and speaking to the cashier - just a few words albeit.

Routine helps - getting up at a set time, meals at set times, going out for a long walk every day (maybe listen to music/podcasts while walking so it doesn't feel so lonely) etc.

Entertainment via reading, music and TV helps me a lot. I appreciate that not everyone is into reading or following a tv series but it can be very helpful to have little treats like that to look forward to in the evenings or weekends, or the distraction of the radio or podcasts playing during the day.

Don't give up on friends. They do care. You just aren't their main priority (sorry if that sounds harsh). People will still be loving you and thinking of you, even if they've not made the time to see you for a while. Increase your friendship groups rather than feel bitter and isolate yourself. I find it really helps to have a number of different friends who aren't really linked. So i call upon a different friend/group each time to proactively arrange a walk/coffee/dinner etc, that way i don't feel i'm burdening the same few friends each time.

Please forgive me if something similar has been mentioned above but do you have some sort of online community for your area? (Next Door, Facebook...) if so could you see if there's maybe a subgroup for people living alone to hang out online or meet one to one in the local parks etc...
I'm married but my friends and social circle are a lifeline to me so I make sure that I'm always in contact with them and had a look at similar in my area to have neighbours to hang out with! Best of luck, sending love

OP I’d recommend going to places like Costa or Starbucks which are still open. I found just sitting around people helped with my loneliness. At the moment I’m living with partner but wasn’t at start of lockdown and it helped a lot. I just sat watching YouTube / mumsnet.

I was only alone for 2 weeks & I struggled so I’d def recommend getting out the house. Even though we’re back in lockdown easier said than done. 😬

Thanks for all of your advice and feedback.
I have done meet up before but it's online atm and agree about the coffee shop which I will do much more once lockdown has lifted. Music and making my environment cosy also helps.

I definitely feel the difference when I leave the house for air and sometimes feel a renewed energy when I go for a walk or out shopping.

I will look into volunteering. I won't give up on friends, just won't rely on them.

There are some very eloquent people on this thread.

I’m struggling too. I turned 30 this year and I was making an effort to go out and date. I had told myself I would finally have someone to share Christmas with. Obviously it hasn’t happened and the disappointment is crushing me. I’m so afraid I’ve missed my chance for a relationship and kids, especially if this drags on and on and on.

I’m a teacher so I feel like Typhoid Mary too. It’s horrible.

I feel very similar. My marriage broke down and I moved out a few months ago. I’m surprised at how alone I feel. The restrictions are strict where I live so I can’t travel to see anyone. My ex also has our dog, who I miss desperately.

For me—work helps a lot! Even though it’s tiring and demanding at times, it provides an opportunity to see people and keep busy.

— giving in sometimes. I’m still in bed drinking coffee! For a while, I was forcing myself to be productive all the time. Now I just allow myself some sloth and indulgence!

— lowering expectations with friends. As said upthread, we are just not their priority. I do my best to stay in contact but we have different lives, as does my family.

— reading. Reading books has been the most comforting activity of all, as was Netflix for months before this.

— Walking. I try to walk most days, not every day! I look people in the eye and say hello to maintain some connection.

I wish there was more I could do. Volunteering etc is not an option because of the restrictions where I live. Is it fair to say that this is a pretty tough time and it’s ok that we don’t feel like the Swiss Family Robinson all the time?

Lots of love OP. I see you and I relate to how you feel even tooth we don’t know each other and live far apart!

even though not even tooth!

Hi

I've started a thread in the chat section called "What Have You Done Today". The idea is that people who are finding it tough going at the moment can write about anything positive they have done or vent if they need to.

For example, I went out for a walk today. Although I didn't feel like it I feel much better for it.

Lovely idea. Thanks

Another person going a bit mad. My long relationship broke up in 2017, my daughter moved out just before Covid. I have a job in education, so while my employment status wasn't threatened, but working from home became a real burden. It was ok at first then it just became dreadful I am prone to regular light depression, that comes and goes with the change of the days. But when nothing changes from day to day the depression just took hold. In late 2019 I had an argument with an old friend who was very dear to me and the friendship ended. Then in may 20 my elderly father became ill and died in July, then my brother 1 month later. I had to take care of everything - the funeral, selling the house, everything. Just crawling through each day. All the grief bought up loads of stuff about my ex.

I don't have a huge amount of friends, I have 2 really old friends from my 20's both live close by. One has been okay -though so taken with his girlfriend he no longer seems to have space to physically see me. The other, very wealthy and having a good lockdown with her husband in their lovely house has not been great. I try and forgive, because I know she is thoughtless, but not uncaring. But sometimes would just like a text saying "how are you". I hate being alone day in day out. The days seem really long, even when I do loads.

Argh - in addition I struggle to keep fit, have put on a stone. I am often tearful and I don't know what I am crying about, my dad, my ex, my life. What can you do? it's Super Shit

rosabug I hear you. We’re not alone though it can really feel like it.

I completely understand about the crying and not even knowing which particular shit aspect of your life you’re crying about. The problems just pile up on each other don’t they?

Somehow I’m still usually able to stay positive (I’m a very happy person naturally) but there’s a limit isn’t there? I’m thinking of finding a friend/other single mum to move it with at some stage. It’s the being alone all the time that gets me.

@rosabug sorry to hear what you have been through. Have you thought about Talking Therapies via NHS..you can refer yourself or bereavement support

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes I hear you about being alone all the time... it's good you're making a plan.

@hotchocolatey thanks for starting the other thread

@rosabug sorry to hear what you have been through. Have you thought about Talking Therapies via NHS..you can refer yourself or bereavement support

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes I hear you about being alone all the time... it's good you're making a plan.

@hotchocolatey thanks for starting the other thread

@rosabug sorry to hear what you have been through. Have you thought about Talking Therapies via NHS..you can refer yourself or bereavement support

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes I hear you about being alone all the time... it's good you're making a plan.

@hotchocolatey thanks for starting the other thread

@rosabug sorry to hear what you have been through. Have you thought about Talking Therapies via NHS..you can refer yourself or bereavement support

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes I hear you about being alone all the time... it's good you're making a plan.

@hotchocolatey thanks for starting the other thread

Hi op. I'm sorry you're struggling. Just wanted to say that I have given up meeting my friends and also zoom calls because I'm struggling with the whole covid thing.

I miss my friends and love them dearly but am surviving. I have kids. I have a husband. I'm very lucky but equally I just cant cope with anything fun and social lately.

@rosabug sorry to hear what you have been through. Have you thought about Talking Therapies via NHS..you can refer yourself or bereavement support

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes I hear you about being alone all the time... it's good you're making a plan.

@hotchocolatey thanks for starting the other thread