How do you leave a relationship that's...

[Sheop14]

95% fabulous?
Imagine meeting someone and wanting children.. They do too.. You end up discussing.. But never getting to the point of doing it because every excuse under the sun is thrown in..
BUT until that conversation is broached again life is rosey..cant fault and can't imagine being with anyone else...
Mine is a moving issue not children but it's as much a bigger deal.
Then as I write this I see that I'm wasting my time and for my own good it's for the best.. But just feel such a loss as walking away and maybe never finding anyone quite like him😔

He might not be that amazing to be fair, he could be horrible to live with. You might be getting a lucky escape.

This is very true. OP, if you were destined to live with this man, it wouldn’t be this hard. Please see this situation as a blessing. I know the WORST relationships I’ve been in were the ones where I was the person pushing things forward.

Drmorb yes and by the end of today.. Well assuming he replies I'll see that in black and white for myself. If you want something enough within reason you'll do your hardest to make it happen

Before you do anything hasty - why DO you want to live with him? I’m on my second DH but if this one ended I’d never live with a man again. I love men but I’ve never found them to be the best possible housemates. I’d live alone, with my D.C. or with a woman and just date men.

Is his reluctance to do this making you feel

Then it's clear he doesn't want to move. Which I can appreciate. But I do get why it's frustrating for you.

Sorry!

Is his reluctance to do this making you feel that it’s a reflection of his overall commitment?

yes and by the end of today.. Well assuming he replies I'll see that in black and white for myself.

What have you done? Have you messaged him with an ultimatum..?

Do you know why his previous partner left?

My worry would be that he needs time without you during the week to do other things he's not telling you about.

(Men and women, often want a partner for company, to care for them, etc. He doesn't ...mmmm. Has he got another relationship during the week?

Macbook no ultimatum, I'm not like that.. That would always make me feel like I'd pushed a decision and that's not what I want. I've merely asked the simple question of when are we going to sort moving in together.. If he replies with some half hearted answer I'm out. Christmas looms, no times a good time but I feel awful.
Why do I want to live with him.. I love him.. We have SO much in common.. We like the same things, live very similar in terms of our individual homes.. Have the same financial views (I.e both no debt) we love the same films..food..trips away.. Would have more money each.. I could go on, the same reasons most people do I guess.. Seeing him 2 days a week isn't cutting it for me anymore.

Jeannie I'd be pretty confident in saying no..then again do you ever know anyone?! I'm pretty Independant and wouldn't be in his face all the time.. I'm not sure what the 'actual' reason is.. I'm not sure I'll ever know tbh

It is there in black and white. He has told you that you would hate living with him and find him annoying. Plus all the other blocks he is using to keep things as they are.

Sadly I could only conclude that you cut your losses now.
It is his way or no way. Actions speak louder than words.
Sending you a virtual hug.x

Well shock horror he's replied.. That I'm right and he will get the ball rolling at the start of next week....well I'm floored..then again he's said this before so watch this space..

The moving is a red herring. From your posts it's abundantly clear he doesn't want a long term future with you where you're a full part of his life . He just wants a casual weekend sex/fun relationship.

Just pull the plaster off and move on, you're never going to be happy because you both want radically different things. You've already wasted way too much precious time on him when he's not "invested" in you at all.

Lily we will see what his move next week brings..

he's lived with someone (bought the house he's in) and their child, she left him.

Does his child live nearby? Does he want to stay there for that reason?

Sorry OP, despite what he's saying now, he's going to keep stringing you along and dangling you on a string. He sees you as a weak woman who he keeps for weekends for his fun and sex desires and can easily bring you back in line with false promises of progress when you start looking like you may want to escape/want more ... why on earth are you letting him do this and dictate your happiness

You deserve much better than what he's offering!

I don’t understand how you could move half an hour away but not an hour. It’s not that far to commute, and if you’re able to commute half an hour then you’re able to commute an hour.

I don’t think that it’s necessarily a given that he just wants a casual thing. I’ve been with my partner for 7.5 years and we live three hours apart. But moving isn’t an option for either of us right now because I have a DC in school and he works in a very niche job that isn’t transferable in this area, and given the current jobs market giving up a job isn’t an option.

And tbh, if you’ve been on your own for a long time then having your own space can be really important. We will have to revisit our plans when DC leaves school but having lived on my own for nearly eight years now, by the time DS leaves school it will have been ten years, and living with someone is going to be a massive adjustment. That’s not necessarily a reason to not do it, but it could be a consideration.

Are you seeing him this weekend, OP? I wonder why he’s suggested the beginning of next week. If you’re together at the weekend that would be a good time to visit estate agents, etc, surely?

Cake it's funny (well not really as I'm anxious and upset at all this) as he joked 'you'd probably hate living with me, you'd probably find me annoying'.. All in all its hardly fun anymore discussing it and I think I've lost all the excitement I had for what I thought I was getting

He's telling you to not live with him essentially. Hes saying the right things, but it's again delayed (next week). Why can't he look at houses tonight or the weekend? What's he so busy doing that he can't possibly do a quick search on rightmove and organise viewings?

Also what's his relationship like with his child? How often does he have the kid, because you'll have to factor that in to your new home together, if it happens.

Hi, sorry I'll try and answer all in 1.
The housing developments only just been agreed, hence my irritance as it looms closer so wouldn't make any difference looking at houses as such. We have been offered help from his family hence the next week as theyre away till then.
He doesn't have children. I have a grown up child who lives on her own.

Do I believe him.. Sadly I'm not holding out much hope but I hope he does..

Hi OP. What exactly is he going to get moving from the beginning of next week? X

Be barked we are needing and have been offered help from his family which is the 1st step.. One I've been waiting around for him to do for a long time.

@jessstan1

I don't think being an hour apart is very much. A lot of people spend commute to work an hour each way, sometimes longer especially if trains are playing up.

Yes an it gets tiring and miserable. Did it for years.

He doesn't have children. I have a grown up child who lives on her own. He does have a child though doesn't he? They may not live with him but he still has a child. Is that complicating things more than he'll let on?

Queenie I'm not sure where the confusion arisen, maybe my explaining but no he doesn't have a child.. As far as I'm aware anyway.. If he does he's kept it well hidden for years?!