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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HELP me, I need advice and quickly

39 replies

empen · 15/10/2007 10:41

Last week I caught sight of a piece of paper in my boyfs pocket and suspeected it might be a girls phone number - I asked him about it but obviously he denied it as he snatched it off me!!. Well, I have just found the bit of paper and it has girls name, phone number and a 'x' on it.
He is due home from work in 15 minutes and I do not know how to approach it. - I am fuming!

By the way, I am 8 months pregnant with his baby!!!

OP posts:
ronshar · 15/10/2007 10:48

I would perhaps try and be calm and not get into a fight straight off. Try and explain that you are conserned?sp about this phone number and what it means. Try and make him understand that you are especially vulnerable at the monent due to baby and you are worried that he has gone off you.

That way it is about you and you are not accusing him of anything. He may be more willing to discuss it with you.
Hope that helps at little bit.

wannaBe · 15/10/2007 10:51

is the bit of paper written in his handwriting?

Is it possible that someone has given him her phone number - a collleague on a work night out/friend of a friend that sort of thing and she's put the x on it?

I'd be inclined to ring it tbh and see who it belongs to that way. If you know who it is then you have more to confront him with if it actually is anything suspicious.

Lizzylou · 15/10/2007 10:54

The most important thing is to stay calm (particularly as you are 8mthspg!) don't accuse him, just ask what it is and why he has it.
As has been mentioned, explain that you feel vulnerable at the moment and are bound to be suspicious.

But please, keep a cool head and don't just charge in making accusations. You and your baby are the priority here.

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 11:03

I feel like I already know it is dodgy cause of the way he reacted when I saw it first time. I know about numbers he has from work colleagues etc. It was written in a girls handwriting. Same name as his ex girlf but I think this is more conincidence cause she lives miles away.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 15/10/2007 12:08

I would ring it and ask her what the fuck is going on....you are more likely to get a straight answer from her...she may not even know about you, she may and be a bint of highest order, it may be totoally innocent (I speak from experience here being confronted by the GF of a bloke I had been "seeing" I had NO idea she existed and happily put her straight then him)....then you have some ammunition to confront him else he will lie no doubt and yoy will feel like the idiot (again from experience this time the other side)....good luck look after yourself and baby it may not mean what you fear!

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 12:18

What if I rung the number and it was totally innocent - I would look like a total loser.
If he has not actually rung the number is it still wrong for him to have it.
I can't imagine he has met up with her cause I think I know where he is all the time - either at work or with me generally.
He might just say 'So what, some girl just gave him the number but he had no intention of calling it'

Am I wrong to be so upset about it?

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 15/10/2007 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 12:21

I can't imagine what I would say...

Hi, did you give my boyf your phone number??

OP posts:
catsmother · 15/10/2007 12:23

"He might just say 'So what, some girl just gave him the number but he had no intention of calling it'"

If he said that, I'd be inclined to wonder what sort of situation he'd been in where a strange girl gives him her phone number signed with a kiss ?!

After all you just don't get random strangers coming up to you and doing that do you ?

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 12:25

he's a barman so kinda has the opportunity to chat to girls all the time - which I accept.

OP posts:
morethanmum · 15/10/2007 12:26

Ring it - say I found this on the floor in the kitchen and not sure if someone dropped it, or if it's XXX (bf) ?

sKerryMum · 15/10/2007 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sKerryMum · 15/10/2007 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morethanmum · 15/10/2007 12:28

His initial reaction was a bit suspicious.

starshaker · 15/10/2007 12:31

call it u can get away with it cos ur pg. if its a friend and they know u are pg they will understand. its ur right as a pg woman to be emotional so easy to explain if its innocent

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 12:33

he was due to finish work at 11am now he is working til 1.30 so I have more time to dwell onit. The relationship is a bit shit anyway and he is a crap boyf. If I was not pregnant (plus I already have a daughter, although not with him) then I would have left him ages ago and would probably be living in Spain or something but I am tied here cause of dd in school etc.
I don't want to end up with 2 kids with 2 different dads and being on my own. Depressing thought

OP posts:
catsmother · 15/10/2007 12:33

There's chatting and chatting.

The 1st is being friendly and professional, not wanting to scare customers away.

The 2nd is giving the impression to someone that if they gave him their number there's a chance he might ring them back at some point !

Even if a girl was persistent in spite of getting no encouragement there is such a thing as a bin as Kerrysmum pointed out.

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 12:36

So I am not being unreasonable being pissed off about it.
I am a bit of a hormonal reck so i have to check if I am being over emotional or not.
I have recently moved 300 miles up the country with him and dd - away from family etc so its all a bit tough - this is just something else on top.

OP posts:
Baffy · 15/10/2007 13:04

Agree with those who say even if there was nothing in it and a girl come on to him and passed her phone number over, he has no reason to keep it and should have put it in the bin at the first chance.

I would be asking why he kept it? If nothing happened, is that just because he hasn't had chance to ring it yet?

If I were you I would actually phone it and ask who it is.
So what if you're completely wrong. He could have given you an explanation when he first had the chance if it was completely innocent. He didn't. So now what are you supposed to do - sit back and do nothing. Then wait for the lies...

Tbh I'd bet anything that this girl will know nothing about you or the fact you're 8 months pregnant.

(I do hope I'm totally wrong about this and it is all innocent with a perfectly reasonable explanation. I'm just very cynical right now and tend to think that when things don't add up and look suspicious, then they generally are. )

starshaker · 15/10/2007 13:06

you could always give the number to 1 of us and we will call it

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 15:37

He completley brushed me off and said 'what number' then I reminded him knowing full well he knew what I was talking about and he said it was a girl from work, then swiftly changed the subject. I have worked out that it could be the girl at his hairdressers. I am so mad about it all I can feel my heart beating in my throat.
I need to find out where this mysterious girl works!

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 15/10/2007 15:43

if he had no intention of ringing this girl then why did he keep the piece of paper????

Original poster
empen · 15/10/2007 15:45

well now he is making out its a number of a girl he works with and that i am being a 'saddo' (i quote)
I am 99.9% sure it isn't but just can't prove it yet. Not convinced I should waste my time trying to prove it cause the lies will just continue.

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 15/10/2007 15:48

ring the number and say oh hi, is that 'girl from work' ?

oh yes i am says girl

oh i thought it was, just couldnt place this number in my head! thanks, sorry to trouble you!

OR

they say no they are someone else

who are you asks you

they tell you and just say oh i wondered whose number this was thats all, i found it in my diary. sorry to bother you.

Then you will know! you are not answerable to anyone to satisfy your mind.

fawkeoff · 15/10/2007 15:52

i'm with scorpio...just ring the number and see what she says