How do you deal with character assassinations from ex

[HeyChubbee]

He annoyed me at drop off, I was I would say ‘direct’ with my comments to him.

Then came the text character assassination how dare I speak to him like that, I’m embarrassing and more. Would not answer his phone to actually talk about it.

I’m annoyed that he’s annoyed me all evening now. Argh.

Grey rock. Ignore ignore ignore. It’s hard but it’s the only way. If you react you’re just feeding them.

Don't engage. It's irrelevant.

Just let him witter on in the little text window. Someone on here said it was like watching a tiny bull raging in a tiny pen. So true.

I roll my eyes and then go and stab a innocent vegetable in anger

Why do you want to talk to him? Let him witter on. Just ignore his nonsense. It will annoy him far more than trying to get back in his good books. Why do you want to do that anyway? Why do you care? I might be a real cow and send him a photo of one of the dcs doing something cute and just say ‘Ooh, look, Sophie just did x, how cute!’ Ignore his shenanigans, you are dancing to his tune every time you try to contact him. So what if he’s upset? He is your ex for a reason, think about why.

I divorced mine in 1998. He still tells lies about me and bad mouths me to our adult son and I hear it second hand from him. I’ve had it for so many years, I’ve had to continually remind myself that he developed his own narrative to avoid any ownership or responsibility. It’s hard though. As pp said - grey rock.

How old are you dc? Mine got so sick of him bad mouthing me they dumped him at 12 +14....

It is so hard 90% of the time I let stuff slide but sometimes he just gets under my skin.

@Shizzlestix I definitely wasn’t trying to get into his good books by speaking to him, wanted to ask him what he thought he hoped to achieve with his messages - probably would have ended up badly anyway.

@Thankssomuch I’m hoping I’ll never hear from/about him again once DC’s 18 🤞🏻

Don't call him to talk to him when he gets insulting. Ignore him. He wants you to react.

I play bingo.

My best mate an I came up with a bingo board of insults used by my ex years ago. Once I tick off a whole board (I remember them mentally now) I treat myself to a bar of chocolate for winning.

I also have a specific kind of crisps that I treat myself with if the unoriginal twat comes up with something new.

@lyralalala ooo I love the bingo idea, might have to be ‘excuses for being crap’ for him

Currently in the painful early stages of this. I'm historically a very reactive and emotional person (he bandies the 'psycho' term about) so I've found it useful to have some stock, non emotive lines ready. "I am sorry you feel that way" "I can see you are upset about X" etc. If anything, it winds him up and confuses him more, which is an added bonus.

Silence is more powerful than rage.

[quote HeyChubbee]@lyralalala ooo I love the bingo idea, might have to be ‘excuses for being crap’ for him [/quote]
It totally changed my mindset on his verbal volleys. Especially when I was close to a full house.

I realised it had worked the one time I was a bit disappointed his then new wife had pulled him into their car while he was ranting at my (closed) front door because he nearly said them all in the one rant and that would have merited an extra special treat

@bookishtartlet I can relate, pretty sure he has used that word for me in the past.

@lyralalala I’m imagining a little bell in your head every time he says one of the things

@HeyChubbee You imagine right!

Now our girls have gone to uni (and NC with him) I've resorted to bingo-ing my 10 and 6 year olds instead

My DD is going through this with her ex. And I thought my first husband was bad!! Sheesh, this fella is twisted
I've been advising grey rock, separate email just for child arrangements etc (he still titles those emails "to the psycho bitch")- but I'm definitely going to make her a bingo board now. Poor girl could do with some humour, even the black kind.
Failing that, an intervention order!

Yes , ignore. My ex has done this for 8 years in front of my children. I’ve never retaliated. The other day one of them said “dad always says mean things abkut you but you are never mean about him- it makes him
Look bad..”

"Have you finished wittering on?"

Is guaranteed to get him frothing at the mouth.

heychubee yes it is better once they reach 18 - I haven’t seen my ex or heard his voice in ten years or so - I hear the odd comment when my DS mentions a text or something similar.

I love the idea of a bingo board! Wish I’d heard about that years ago!

Lots of. Yeah. Ok. Mmm. Right then And interesting Round here
If it’s text I say what needs saying then just reply with a thumbs up emoji

It gets a little easier tho when the kids are old enough to run to his car themselves The Less interaction from him the better

I used to like letting my dick ex run out of steam by not retaliating, then calmly saying:

"Thanks for letting me know, are you finished now? I've got loads to be getting on with."

My ex used to ring me to have rants about me which I would ignore then send a stock text saying im busy text me he rarely does

I used to like letting my dick ex run out of steam

This - it works on most angry people

@BluebellsGreenbells

I used to like letting my dick ex run out of steam

This - it works on most angry people

And toddlers

@Thankssomuch

I divorced mine in 1998. He still tells lies about me and bad mouths me to our adult son and I hear it second hand from him. I’ve had it for so many years, I’ve had to continually remind myself that he developed his own narrative to avoid any ownership or responsibility. It’s hard though. As pp said - grey rock.

Yep, mine did this. Couldn't stand the fact I left him and was instantly happier. I just grey rocked him and I moved on so quick (a lovely FWB helped )