Would you date someone you didn't fancy?

[Heidi3333]

Just wondering...
Someone I like as a friend (don't know him very well really) confessed his feelings for me at the weekend. I don't think he's bad looking but I just don't see him 'that' way. I've told him that I'd like to see each other as friends and see how things go. I'm not sure if my feelings will change.

Would you consider dating someone you weren't sexually attracted to? Have you in the past and ended up being wildly atttracted to them?

This guy had a lot going for him on paper but I just can't imagine getting intimate with him!

I did

20 years later, still happily married

Thanks ladies.

To add a bit to the story - I don't know him well, he's the man who comes and fits my aerials in my flat and has been in 3 times to do this. He also added me on Facebook a while ago.

He was supposed to be coming round tonight to change a cable for me (and stay for a coffee) but I got an electrician to do that for me yesterday instead as he was in anyway. I messaged the guy last night saying he didn't need to come round anymore and suggested we meet somewhere for a coffee or drink instead as I would be free of my 4 year old then. He never replied.

I think he may have taken offence. He was worried that he'd scared me off with his sexy chat but I assured him he hadn't.

I'll wait and see if he gets back in touch.

I'd like to go on a few dates and see if my feeling of attraction change for me.

He added you on FB after seeing you a couple of times to fix your aerial. Did you think it was odd at the time?

Definitely go through his FB account and do some digging to learn more about him, last relationship etc. Lots of single women on his account?

I didn’t date him, turned him down as didn’t fancy him.
Then ended up fancying him a few years later, we’re now married.
Dating someone purely based on looks is a bit shallow isn’t it? If you’ve other things in common and you don’t find them repulsive, give it a whirl. You don’t have to jump straight into bed, do you

Don't explore this, be 100% upfront and honest as men so easily get the wrong idea. Make him aware there is absolutely nothing like that in it for you. The slightest hint will give him hope. Let him deal with his feelings away from you. Given absolute finality will eventually help him resolve his unrequited love for you!

I don't know him well, he's the man who comes and fits my aerials in my flat and has been in 3 times to do this.

This is a new way of saying it :)

You definitely need a new aerial if it's broken that often!

Of course you shouldn't date him if you don't fancy him unless you explain it's for friendship only.

Your update completely changes the context of this. He sounds like a slimy chancer who tries his luck with customers in the hope of quick and easy sex:

• finds and adds customers on social media.
• messages them and then immediately escalates to sex chat.
• can't even be bothered meeting for a drink, just wants to get it boxed off whilst he's on the job

Well plenty of people in some cultures have arranged marriage and raise families where there is no attraction

Heidi3333

Tbh, I think you need to check your boundaries.

If the ariel man sent me a friend request on fb, I would not be accepting it. I wouldn't be flattered by 'sexy chat'. I wouldn't be considering dating him even though I didn't fancy him and I wouldn't be worried about hurting his feelings.

There is nothing appealing, attractive or romantic in anything you describe. He sounds awful.

I agree with conduitoffortune

I have to say, I wouldn’t entertain any guy who thot it was ok to text ‘sexy’ /slimy shit to me so quickly. I certainly wouldn’t have accepted a Facebook request either.
Like others have said, I think you should work on boundaries and be a lot choosier. Don’t be flattered too quickly (not saying that you are!) and always be on the lookout for red flags. I get a bad feeling about him from what you’ve said.

Thinking 'Oh, gosh, I've never thought of you in that way before!' is one thing. 'Ewwww' is a visceral, 'body-no' that you can't ignore.

^This in giant neon-lights.

I've had some great relationships with people I hadn't thought of that way before (and some terrible ones).

Ewww on the other hand... that's just not a good foundation and all the details added have just made the situation sound worse. Reads to me he just wanted a fuck on the job rather than a date...

I think you all may be on to something.

Last night he messaged me asking for pictures. I said there were plenty in FB. He said he wanted other ones. I told him I was going to bed. He obviously wanted some nude ones.

So sexy chat and asking to share naughty pictures before we even have a date. Obviously a sleeve.

Don't think I'll be meeting up with him!

Don't think I'll be meeting up with him!

Good. And, next time, don't be so quick to be flattered by some random bloke

You're worth more than that.

I did have this just once. I dated a guy for a few weeks, but was still hung up on an ex, so never fully fancied him and had a bit of an ick. Sex didn't feel that great, but i was aware i was comparing him to my ex. But he was a great guy and i felt bad stringing him along, so ended it.

Bumped into him 6 months later (was over my ex by this point), and we went for a drink, and I was shocked by how much I fancied him then. Think the really dignified way he had handled the break up, and the fact he didn't automatically want to jump into things because i had suddenly changed my mind (he knew his self worth), made him very attractive. The more I got to know him, the more I realised I'd never really seen him properly when i was comparing him to my ex. I fell for him very hard, the sex then felt very good, and we had one great year before he ended it for unrelated reasons.To this date I am amazed that someone I wasn't that into initially could have then morphed into a man I shared the most amazing chemistry and sex life with.

That might have been an anomaly though as normally I would never consider dating someone I had no spark with. I'd give it a few dates if I thought there was potential to be attracted to them, but beyond that, nope.

JurassicParkaha

Tbf, the OP's situation is slightly different.

This is just a horny chancer tradesman who wants 'sexy talk' and for her to send him nudes.

Thanks Jurassic your man sounds like a decent guy, unlike the one I'm talking about!

Who the hell does this man think he is, asking for naked photos when all he's done is fix your aerial! And he hasn't even done that properly if he's had to do it three times, ffs.

Hillowtalk - no it's because I've had 3 difffrent TVs fitted over the years!

Oh OK!

Been there is a previous relationship. Just leads to sadness and disappointment. For me, if there is no initial sexual spark at the beginning it’ll never happen. Leave this alone is my advice