I'm sorry for the experiences you had growing up.
It is entirely possible you have/had complex trauma as a result.
One of the consequences of that is being disconnected from yourself and unable or struggling to feel or name what is going on for you internally (e.g. Not having a gut instinct or not hearing warning signals about red flags). That can manifest as feeling numb, as taking risks because you don't feel in danger, in struggling to empathise or understand other people, as not really being sure what you feel or only noticing your feelings once they become intense and unmanageable... Etc.
It can also change how you relate to people and leave you with a strong desire to be "rescued" - to have someone come into your life and make you whole, to whisk you away from your troubles, to make you feel safe and secure and loved, to overwrite the bad stuff in the past etc.
The two together leave people vulnerable because a) you can't always feel when things aren't right until they're really bad, and b) the desire to be rescued, and the comfort it brings to feel you finally have a rescuer, can be so powerful that it overrides any little warning bells that may be ringing in the distance. (Furthermore, some people will target people where they detect vulnerability.)
Additionally, being traumatised can result in your brain shutting down some functioning and keeping you in a threat state/ protective survival mode. Which means you won't get the warning signals you would in a calm state/ safe mode.
If these things were a factor for you, reconnecting with your body is a way to change this so you can hear warning signs in your environment. There is some evidence that trauma sensitive yoga can achieve this. There are other ways too.
If any of this resonates, it might be worth looking up books by Judith Herman, Pete Walker, and David Emerson.
I think there is every hope you will one day feel very different to how you do now.