Was I coerced in to sex? Or should I have just been a bit more assertive?

[lovehorror199ii]

I asked DP(?) to wear a condom as I'd had my IUD removed about a month ago due to pelvic pain.

He pleaded not to wear one and that he would pull out before ejaculation. I put my foot down and said "no, you need to wear one as I don't want to get pregnant". Again, he's pressuring me and tries to assure me that it's unlikely that I'll get pregnant and he only wants to put the tip in for a few seconds.

So I cave in and let him put it in. He has sex with me and I'm just taking it- not enjoying it and in pain- and thinking about how I'm going to get the morning after pill tomorrow, and if I can even access any type of emergency contraception on a sunday.

We have a small child together and he's a useless dad. If I get pregnant, it will devastate me and I don't want to have an abortion.

I'm not sure if something wrong happened here, or if I should have just put my foot down. I don't feel good about myself and I'm worried about how my life could change just because i didn't walk out the room the second he refused to put on a condom.

@chickenyhead

No wonder the conviction rate for rape in this country is so abysmal, if even women cannot understand the word consent and what it means.

Rape isn't a competition, it doesn't have to be some stranger in a dark street to qualify. Anyone who puts their penis in your vagina when, you being given the opportunity to freely stop it, without repercussions, don't want them to, is raping you.

Lots of women lurk on these forums and like the OP they won't understand why they feel off, empty, hollow. They feel like that because they don't even have the basic right to decide who enters their own body.

They don't know who they are anymore, or if they have the right to be heard. Because the public victim blame. You didn't say no though, you agreed, after nagging and manipulation, even though you clearly just lay there in pain, scared of pregnancy, with a child in the house who you don't want to upset. So yeah, you chose that. NO THEY DID NOT.

My piss has now boiled dry.

I just wanted to amplify this comment. Ive been really saddened by the responses here.

How many times does a women have to say no for the no to count?

How're you feeling today @lovehorror199ii ?

I was thinking about what you experienced. It was terrible.

I found this really hard to read as this has happened to me so many times. Not in my 30s but younger. Boys demanding things from me and emotionally manipulating me to get them.

That's why it doesn't get spotted. We are so used to it.

It’s true that women are too used to this. Consent isn’t the absence of no - it’s an enthusiastic yes. There was no consent here.

From a practical perspective, in the UK you can get the morning after pill over the counter in the pharmacy. Sorry if I’ve missed it but have you done that?

@lovehorror199ii

We've been having problems for months. He doesn't feel or act like my partner anymore.

I'm kind of stuck here though because I rely on him, but I'm trying to get myself in to a better position financially to leave him.

Just be aware that at the moment, if you are thinking of leaving, what is bad for you is good for him and vice-versa. So you need to get in a better position financially to leave - if you get pregnant again that will scupper that plan and you may well feel trapped in the relationship - bad. He presumably does not want the relationship to end, if you get pregnant again he will have "trapped you" (or may well think he has) in the relationship - good.

Even if you dont think he knows you plan to leave, he may well sense something is up and even subconcously be reacting to it. Basically (I am sure you are anyway) be extra extra careful around contraception - double up on the pill and condoms if possible (he doesnt need to know if you start taking the pill). Otherwise you could easily encounter repeated issues with "burst" condoms

@SoulofanAggron

Not sure how I'm feeling tbh. Still blaming myself. He keeps making demands for food and drink and has been getting a rise out of pissing me off whilst I try to complete coursework. He's quite pathetic actually. No still means yes to him.

Thanks for asking though.

Also took the emergency contraception yesterday at noon. Fingers crossed it works or I'll have to abort

Need to book in for the iud too or take the pill whilst I wait.

I'd get the IUD if you can - if it's fitted within 5 days it also works as emergency contraception, so will double up on the MAP.