DP invited friend over without telling me

[Shxx]

I don't know if I'm being a cow or not so if I am then say so.

Dp just phoned me on loudspeaker whilst friend is in the car if its okay if he stays over.
DP already said yes to friend. He put me on the spot so agreed.

Friend has been suicidal and recently broke up with his partner of 8 years.
They then proceeded to joke around if i have any single friends.

I'm on a walk with the dog and dp is home and calling me.

Whats your opinion here?

@Strugglingtodomybest Let's see if your post gets deleted too, not sure you can say cow...... even though the op said it first,🤷‍♂️

@Strugglingtodomybest

I'm not sure what the actual problem is, are you saying that you only said yes because you were put on the spot? Would you have said no otherwise? If that's what you're saying, then yes, I would agree you are being a bit of a cow.

Some people hate being asked questions where only one answer is permitted (even if it's the answer you are inclined to give anyway). I'd say yes in this situation but resent the cack-handed way it was asked (i.e. you can only say yes and no follow up conversation on logistics/concerns is possible because friend can hear every word).

If my friend was suicidal and needing support I'd be inviting them to move in. Not just visit.

YABU. Get your priorities in order.

I just can't even imagine thinking saying no to something like this. I wouldn't like to be asked on speakerphone of course, thats not really on but then again I don't think I would need to be asked as I trust DH to make adult decisions too.

And so bloody what about changing some sheets Cadent. What sort of inconvenience is that really to anyone. Presumably a grown man is capable of hosting a friend FFS. At least there is still the majority of posters who would be happy to help in this situation, its good to see!

I honestly don't think I know anyone in RL who would have an issue with someone who was struggling coming over at 11pm. I am so grateful to have good friends.

If the friend is low it’s good to support this. However it’s your DH who needs to sort bedding, meals, entertain. I’d just lay low or get on with my normal stuff and occasionally chat in passing

@Cadent

I wouldn’t want anyone coming to my house at 11pm at night. I’d be pissed off too. The DO can go stay with him.

I hope none of your friends ever feel suicidal at night, hopefully they get it timed between acceptable hours

OP yeah I'd say you are being unreasonable, if someone I knew was suicidal I wouldn't care one bit the time, I'd want them to come to me. It's your partners house too, he can have who he wants over

@userxx if it does get deleted, that will be my first deletion, do I get a badge?

@ContessaDiPulpo I see what you mean, but in this instance I think the fact that the friend is suicidal would take precedence over my feelings of being irritated, and the irritation would be so fleeting that I cannot imagine posting on Mumsnet about it. Hopefully OP will come back and explain.

I wouldn't love being asked anything in such a way that precludes me from saying 'no', but maybe the friend was concerned about putting you out and needed to hear he was welcome?

Unless there is a drip feed about someone in the house being extra vulnerable to covid, or the partner requesting things in this way all the time, I'd always try and make time for a friend in dire straits such as these.

I think even in Tier 3 there is provision for people seriously at risk healthwise so as long as your partner takes care of all the extra housework and they don't keep you up all night making a racket, I would personally feel pleased I could help. You can always sit as far apart as possible etc and try and stay covid safe.

Your DH is a kind and good man , and is helping a man in need.
If you prefer to be married to someone cold hearted then go and do so but don't be surprised if you had come on here complaining even more.

@Ghouliet
That your DH makes the bed up, organises all the food and sorts out the laundry when his friend leaves.

I hate these lazy and frankly hateful posts.
If I had a friend who was in need and was taking out for a coffee or a drink would it be ok for my DH to say , fine as long as you do it on your money and not mine or the familys funds?
Would anyone be agreeing with that or would they think he was being and absolute Dk. And we have these horrible posts where DH's is helping a friend and the view is to punish him and advise the OP to act like a queen size B1tch.

I agree. If I was in a relationship with someone whose first response to this situation was that I had to do all the work, I would be rethinking if I wanted to be with someone so lacking in empathy.

I disagree.. supporting someone who has attempted suicide, is very complex. The responsibility of having someone with suicidal thoughts under your roof, is equally stressful, particularly someone you do not know very well. OP avoided going home because she was anxious, OP's mental well being is just as important as everyone else's. OP's DH should have considered going to stay with his friend and supported him there, where they could relax and talk.