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Original poster

DP invited friend over without telling me

63 replies

Shxx · 23/10/2020 23:01

I don't know if I'm being a cow or not so if I am then say so.

Dp just phoned me on loudspeaker whilst friend is in the car if its okay if he stays over.
DP already said yes to friend. He put me on the spot so agreed.

Friend has been suicidal and recently broke up with his partner of 8 years.
They then proceeded to joke around if i have any single friends.

I'm on a walk with the dog and dp is home and calling me.

Whats your opinion here?

OP posts:
mercutio12 · 24/10/2020 11:40

As a one-off I wouldn't mind, sounds like his friend is going through a hard time.

CeibaTree · 24/10/2020 11:45

OP can you imagine one day if your child felt suicidal and the one friend he reaches out to for support has a partner with an attitude like yours?

Sparkletastic · 24/10/2020 11:52

As long as DP does all the work involved in welcoming the guest then I guess it's ok. He's trying to be there for a vulnerable friend I should imagine.

BlueThistles · 24/10/2020 12:15

Why is it considered unreasonable to be anxious about your OH bringing home somebody who is suicidal?

Not everyone is mentally strong enough to cope with someones else's illness.. it might actually pull some people down.. it could bring an element of fear .. and such overwhelming stress of what may happen should the suicidal guest commit this act under your 'care'.. its a massive responsibility...

this is not just a case of his old uni mate staying over...

this friend has complex emotional and mental needs that OP might not be able to cope with...

Her DH has done a wonderful thing for his friend... but I still believe he should have gone to stay with his friend at his home and supported him one on one.. instead of potentially damaging OP's well being.

I hope you're ok OP 🌺

SimonJT · 24/10/2020 13:29

Does your partner really need your permission to have a friend in his own home?

emilybrontescorsett · 24/10/2020 13:33

I agree the husband should go and and stay with the friend not being him into the ops home.

emilybrontescorsett · 24/10/2020 13:34

Up can you suggest that to your dh?

tearstainedbakes · 24/10/2020 13:36

What are you actually annoyed about?

userxx · 24/10/2020 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrMeSeeks · 24/10/2020 14:14

Wow friend has had a relationship break down and is sducidal and are really begrudging him coming over?
What if roles were reversed?

Cadent · 24/10/2020 14:33

YANBU, he should have asked you first. Who is expected to cook and change the sheets for friend?

CandidaAlbicans2 · 24/10/2020 16:34

It would've been polite to have asked first, and not in the way he did it, especially as it was a sleep over. It also massively depends on if OP's DP has form for inviting people to stay whilst expecting OP to do all the prep, organising the food, cooking, cleaning, etc. as can often be the case. If he's normally OK then I'd put it down to being a little thoughtless and move on.

schnubbins · 24/10/2020 16:44

Unbelievable!

userxx · 24/10/2020 19:13

Why has my post been deleted? Op asked us to tell her if she was being a cow over this. I said yes and it's been deleted!!

Sakurami · 24/10/2020 19:18

Absolutely yes. His friend needs support.

Cadent · 24/10/2020 19:20

@userxx I didn’t report but it’s good you were deleted

userxx · 24/10/2020 19:40

Why?

Cadent · 24/10/2020 19:41

OP has done nothing wrong, she is not a cow.

JudyGemstone · 24/10/2020 19:43

@EhUp

Are you annoyed because having a friend stay over is against covid rules in your area or just annoyed that your DP has invited a friend to visit without your permission?

If it's the latter, then assuming there isn't a back story about the friend then YABU (and possibly a bit if a cow Wink)

Exactly this
userxx · 24/10/2020 19:45

don't know if I'm being a cow or not so if I am then say so.

Ok, so I gave my opinion that yes I believed she was being a cow, her words. Her partner's friend is struggling mentally and contemplating suicide - It doesn't get bigger that that. Why would op be pissed off with him coming over? Am I missing something?

ChaChaCha2012 · 24/10/2020 19:47

On the information given, this would be permitted even in a Tier 3 region. Exemptions can be made where someone is at risk of serious harm.

Cadent · 24/10/2020 19:47

I wouldn’t want anyone coming to my house at 11pm at night. I’d be pissed off too. The DO can go stay with him.

userxx · 24/10/2020 19:53

@Cadent you sound a fabulous friend 👍

Dontletitbeyou · 25/10/2020 06:24

If you and DP share a house then it’s as much his as yours . His friend is in need of a good friend , DP is being that .
Yes you’re being unreasonable. Chill !!

Strugglingtodomybest · 25/10/2020 06:29

I'm not sure what the actual problem is, are you saying that you only said yes because you were put on the spot? Would you have said no otherwise? If that's what you're saying, then yes, I would agree you are being a bit of a cow.