Me or him being silly ?

[52andblue]

Have been friends again with an old school pal for the last 4 years.
(we were pals aged 17-18, now mid 50's so a looooong time ago!)
Have met for museum lunch twice by ourselves, twice with his wife and son and my partner and son in tow. All very pleasant.

We text and mostly 'talk' about our kids, books, travel, museums etc

We were 'chatting' about clothes. He said he didn't 'get' them till recently and still needs telling by wife/dd what looks okay and what not. I said that I have had some that felt nice, but many that didn't inc my wedding dress, so a couple of years ago I bought a 2nd hand one and have worn it just for myself in the house twice. He asked to see it so I sent a pic I'd taken of it hanging up. He said 'hard to tell without it on' and I said: no pics so far, I'll have to do a 'selfie shoot' one day.
He said: 'I still do photography' and I replied 'well, I trusted you last time...' he took some (non-dodgy!) pics of me back in the day.
Then I thought, hmm, don't want him reading anything into that so tried to lighten it by saying: '...not to make me look fat'.

(slightly scary as he knows I've recently lost a great deal of weight)
His reply was: 'I was going to say I'm a photographer not a magician but the female / weight rules of life tells me that this is not funny in the world of 52andblue'. I said: 'well, you just lost the contract, twit!'
Reply is: 'I should have known the female weight problem is inviolable, like puff adders' To which I reply: 'like the male:fool prob?'
All a bit childish but no harm done.
Then - this is the bit that I am a bit confused about?
I get a face pulling emoji then: 'I guess I had better not mention age then or there would be puff adders and vipers in my pit (just an observation on how you cannot broach these subjects with any woman and get away with it'. To which I reply: 'you can broach these subjects with 'ALL women' if you are not insensitive, obvs'
To which he says: 'I work almost exclusively with men, I think it makes me 'disabled'. I reply: 'well you live with your wife and daughter'
(for context, I am actually disabled and his daughter is very obese, so you'd think he'd be a bit more aware, but hey ho)
Today I received a little felt llama in the post. There is a label on it:
'please look after this drama llama, thank you'
I don't know whether to laugh or be annoyed?

Both being silly I'd say!

Just send it back... drama llama loves you more 💘

The entire post is weird.

The entire post is weird.
^ this ^

Ok. 100% 'both' so far then!

Anyone care to say why?
I thought I was being straightforward?

I would t send anything back in case his wife sees it and mistakenly thinks you two are up to something!!

It’s just a bit of fun.

Treat it as such. Give the llama to your child

Buying 2nd hand wedding dress? Sending a felt drama lama tov to you in the post? Just weird behaviour all round

@52andblue

Ok. 100% 'both' so far then!

Anyone care to say why?
I thought I was being straightforward?

Because you're grown ups and a to f like children. Wayyyyyy too much thought out into all this.

The '2nd hand wedding dress' is harmless enough, really.
My actual one didn't fit properly (& was a meringue) and since then I've lost 10 stones so I bought one (not a meringue, but just a pretty beaded white dress) someone was selling locally for £30 to celebrate that. I've nowhere to wear it really so I just tried it on at home for myself. I mentioned it to him as we were talking about clothes for graduations / important events and how you had to be comfortable.

The llama looks a bit like our dog so my daughter has claimed it.

the bit I thought was off was the 'all women are touchy about age and weight' which I thought was a stupid sweeping statement so I challenged it. I wasn't sure if I was being oversensitive or he was being a prat. Perhaps were are just both weird ;)

You sound like you’re both flirting and you’re obviously far too invested in this ‘relationship’

You’re both weird af, you are flirting with each other and you’re both overthinking your ‘friendship’.
Have fun straying firmly into an affair.

It's not a 'relationship' so yes I suppose it was stupid to put it on the Relationships board in that case.
It's a friendship. I thought I knew him and was a bit surprised at all the 'all women' type of remarks, so maybe I don't know him so well after all.

How am I 'straying into an affair because I had a chat with a friend about a dress and he made some sexist remarks and I wasn't sure if I was being oversensitive because I'd previously been overweight ??

This is just all a bit silly.

It does sound like a flirtation. Well done on losing 10 stone though! Did you have bariatric surgery?

Maybe just cool off messaging him now for a while. It all became a bit odd.
Don't send the llama back but leave the whole situation for a bit.

And I think good for you re: wedding dress. Mine didn't fit too well either, I didn't like the shape and don't know why I chose it. I didn't feel my best at all. I see why you bought it.

No, not surgery. It took 15 years to put it on (became disabled and can't walk properly now so it slowly kept going up). And 4 years of hard work to get it off. I put back on 2. But I'm still 8st down and much healthier. The dress was just my 'treat' (and it cost £30!)

We don't message often. Every few months prob. We sometimes send each other books we've enjoyed. Both our kids have ASD so we swap tips sometimes. The Llama is now my daughters prize :)
But I wouldn't want him (or anyone else) to see it as a flirtation so I will back off from any contact from him for a bit.
A 'round robin' Christmas card it is :)

Don't overthink it. I don't think he was wrong in what he said about women and weight...as it can be a sensitive issue and your response kind of proved that.

Well done on your weight loss!!!!

I was going to say I'm a photographer not a magician but the female / weight rules of life tells me that this is not funny in the world of 52andblue

If he knows about your weight loss then yes, he was insensitive to post this!

I should have known the female weight problem is inviolable, like puff adders

Wtf?

It does sound like you're both a bit over-invested...

I guess it did @SandyY2K
I didnt chew him out for it - I just thought he was a prat for making those remarks to someone he knows was really big (and his daughter is way bigger than I was) and then saying he is 'disabled' by being a bloke to someone who is disabled. I don't think he even thought about it tbh.
So, I guess a Christmas card is enough, lol.

I think he's just really clumsy at expressing himself. Some people have low emotional intelligence band don't realise what they're saying is offensive

It definitely sounds flirty to me and a bit strange too! Like teenagers doing the awkward ugh YOU'RE gross when they (not so) secretly like each other.

This whole interaction is a bit 😬

Sounds a bit flirty and and he does seem a bit insensitive but I’d let it go and move on.

He probably just didn't know what to say and spoke without thinking. I don't think he intended any offence.