Me or him being silly ?

[52andblue]

Have been friends again with an old school pal for the last 4 years.
(we were pals aged 17-18, now mid 50's so a looooong time ago!)
Have met for museum lunch twice by ourselves, twice with his wife and son and my partner and son in tow. All very pleasant.

We text and mostly 'talk' about our kids, books, travel, museums etc

We were 'chatting' about clothes. He said he didn't 'get' them till recently and still needs telling by wife/dd what looks okay and what not. I said that I have had some that felt nice, but many that didn't inc my wedding dress, so a couple of years ago I bought a 2nd hand one and have worn it just for myself in the house twice. He asked to see it so I sent a pic I'd taken of it hanging up. He said 'hard to tell without it on' and I said: no pics so far, I'll have to do a 'selfie shoot' one day.
He said: 'I still do photography' and I replied 'well, I trusted you last time...' he took some (non-dodgy!) pics of me back in the day.
Then I thought, hmm, don't want him reading anything into that so tried to lighten it by saying: '...not to make me look fat'.

(slightly scary as he knows I've recently lost a great deal of weight)
His reply was: 'I was going to say I'm a photographer not a magician but the female / weight rules of life tells me that this is not funny in the world of 52andblue'. I said: 'well, you just lost the contract, twit!'
Reply is: 'I should have known the female weight problem is inviolable, like puff adders' To which I reply: 'like the male:fool prob?'
All a bit childish but no harm done.
Then - this is the bit that I am a bit confused about?
I get a face pulling emoji then: 'I guess I had better not mention age then or there would be puff adders and vipers in my pit (just an observation on how you cannot broach these subjects with any woman and get away with it'. To which I reply: 'you can broach these subjects with 'ALL women' if you are not insensitive, obvs'
To which he says: 'I work almost exclusively with men, I think it makes me 'disabled'. I reply: 'well you live with your wife and daughter'
(for context, I am actually disabled and his daughter is very obese, so you'd think he'd be a bit more aware, but hey ho)
Today I received a little felt llama in the post. There is a label on it:
'please look after this drama llama, thank you'
I don't know whether to laugh or be annoyed?

I have no idea what the Hell either of you are talking about...

1. it sounds flirty
2. it sounds like you want it to be flirty
3. the subject of weight is probably a sore point in his house due to the daughter and now it's a thing with you all and he is bummed it's come up again
4. whole thing is super weird

I think it sounds a bit flirty, but with someone you're comfortable with & he's let his mouth run free. It's upset you because it's hit a nerve & he's not quite who you thought he was...

Mate & I can be like this, I've become quite good at jumping in with the 'let's not go there, it never ends well' because I love him, but I don't always like the shite that he comes out with & if I let his mouth run away with him, I'll bite back & it'll end up with one of us getting hurt & falling out with each other. Prevention better than cure.

Shake your head & move in. Don't dwell on it.

Well done on your weight loss 🌷

This sounds a lot like the old school friend I had always called or texted but exh was convinced it was an affair. We just bantered like we always had but... In the end it was cited on the divorce petition he sent me. Now that wasn't a bad thing as the guy had helped me have the strength to leave a bad relationship but it doesn't sound like that is you...

Re the weight thing: he already asked me: 'you were fat, yes? what do I say to my dd who keeps having extra portions? doesn't she realise that is why she is fat? I KEEP telling her but she wont listen'

I pointed out that perhaps the best thing to do was not mention her weight at all but that he and / or his wife might want to support his daughter with some counselling as being dramatically overweight is often more about unhappiness than not understanding the calorific content of doughnuts. So, I already get that he is emotionally 'dense'.

He can be v thoughtful but he can also come out with some howlers.
And he annoyed me with all his 'all women / weight / age' stuff.

I got a text at 8am today: 'I don't understand, it's driving me crazy'
That's all too intense for me!
I'll give it a couple of days and say:
'no worries, crossed wires I think, all well here'
Then send a Christmas card to the family, nearer the time.
I certainly don't want it to appear flirty (and a number of you have said it does so point taken). It's a good friendship, but going nowhere else!

@52andblue

Re the weight thing: he already asked me: 'you were fat, yes? what do I say to my dd who keeps having extra portions? doesn't she realise that is why she is fat? I KEEP telling her but she wont listen'

I pointed out that perhaps the best thing to do was not mention her weight at all but that he and / or his wife might want to support his daughter with some counselling as being dramatically overweight is often more about unhappiness than not understanding the calorific content of doughnuts. So, I already get that he is emotionally 'dense'.

He can be v thoughtful but he can also come out with some howlers.
And he annoyed me with all his 'all women / weight / age' stuff.

I got a text at 8am today: 'I don't understand, it's driving me crazy'
That's all too intense for me!
I'll give it a couple of days and say:
'no worries, crossed wires I think, all well here'
Then send a Christmas card to the family, nearer the time.
I certainly don't want it to appear flirty (and a number of you have said it does so point taken). It's a good friendship, but going nowhere else!

Yes, time to step away now. You've both been fishing but now it's time to stop.

@BertieBloopsMum

if you looked at the whole of the last 4 years (don't worry, I'm not about to post all that!) I think it is clear that I have not been 'fishing'.
It is quite an intense friendship as we discuss some quite serious stuff about kids / past family history etc but not in 'that' way at all.
I have a partner and am happy with him, as I've explained to old pal who is also very much married and we've all met up a few times now.

But I agree its time to step away if I'm getting 8am texts on a Sunday

But, like I say I have taken the point that others think it sounds 'weird' and or 'flirty' so maybe I've not been reading it correctly after all?
Either way, I'm out.
Annual round robin it is :)

I think you were having a normal convo until this bit....Then I thought, hmm, don't want him reading anything into that so tried to lighten it by saying: '...not to make me look fat'

You felt that he might read something into He said: 'I still do photography' and I replied 'well, I trusted you last time...' he took some (non-dodgy!) pics of me back in the day

They were non-dodgy pics and you have a good friendship....i think you tried to consciously maintain a boundary just in case - and he responded in a similar fashion.

Sometimes shit happens even though you were only being yourself....neither of you actually did anything wrong....

thanks @monkeymonkey2010 :)

I was worried from all the posts above about it being weird / flirty that I had misread things somehow (though we do all meet together?)

I really value him as an occasional friend as we went through some stuff as teens that means we have a good connection, I thought, thought obvs folk change in the intervening years as life goes on.

Maybe it's just all been over-thunked, much too much !

thanks to all who've posted though, it's given me food for thought