Am I in the wrong?

[randomuser101]

So long story short my partners work colleagues was sending him messages but addressing him with "pet names" like what a spouse would do and putting x's (kisses) in the messages, maybe to some people that means nothing but due to past situations with him it means something to me so I asked him politely to tell her that I was uncomfortable with it, he talked to her about it but it ended with her calling me psycho and controlling.. I'm not sure if I can across that way or not I just wanted to address that I was uncomfortable with what she was texting him.. he's pretty much defending her saying that she's right and he wants to leave tomorrow because of it because apparently I'm "embarrassing"

Am I wrong to address the situation?

If someone was calling me pet names and kisses it would make me uncomfortable, I would try not to encourage it and I might even raise it with my partner to let her know about it. If it makes you uncomfortable then you weren’t wrong to address it. If he respected you he would have handled this differently.

Thankyou blue30 for your reply. As I said to him if this was a male talking to me using the words and x's that she used I would confront it in respect of my partner and then tell my partner. He didn't even tell me I found out by looking on his phone when I was trying to call my phone from his because I lost it. Now I'm being made to feel like the bad person because I wanted him to address it to her that I was uncomfortable and both of them now are backing each other up. They have known each other for less than two years and I have been with him for over 4 years now. I just feel terrible and don't know what to do

I'd be pissed off about that if I were you

So he is going to leave you because his “colleague” thinks by calling each other pet names and kisses means your controlling? He’s choosing this “colleague” over his long term partner? Something doesn’t add up here OP. He’s not giving you any respect whatsoever!! Did you see the txt he sent her asking her to stop?

You say due to past situations that your sensitive to this, did he cheat in the past?

He hasn't cheated but he's done shady stuff in the past which i just don't agree with at all. Maybe we were just brought up different - and now he's saying we're over because I want to confront the girl myself. I really didn't see how me uncomfortable with the situation and wanting it addressed to her would be a big deal. I just didn't like what she said. I'm lost in what to do now because we have a kid together

Both he and his colleague are acting totally inappropriately and deflecting their behaviour by making out you are overreacting. You aren't. He should have enough respect for you to stop this happening right now.

Agree with all the other posters OP. He's behaving like a total dick.

Let him leave. He will find he has to pay maintenance for your child.
You’d be soooo much better away from him.
I mean, he wants to leave because of what you said but not stay and shut her down because she called you controlling etc?
Shows you what he thinks of you

I don't think you should be speaking to her. It's not your relationship to manage, it's his (I mean him and her, not him and you). He shouldn't have said to her it makes you uncomfortable, he should have said it makes him uncomfortable. Or just cooled the chat with her and put up some boundaries.

Regardless, he's now prioritising her feelings over yours. He doesn't seem to have much respect for you.

You're better off without him OP! What a waster.

How do you know she called you those names?

What shady stuff has he done in the past?

It most certainly isnt your place to speak to her. He is the problem. He is engaging with her.

You do sound a bit fixated with her, and a bit controlling reading his messages. She doesn’t sound good, but he’s been allowing her to text him like this, has discussed what you said with her in a (most likely) way that made you look bad, then has sided with her. Whatever, he wants to leave, he’s not much of a catch, let him go. Having a baby together is no reason to stay with an idiot..

I put kisses on messages without even thinking about it but I certainly dont call colleagues by pet names. The industry I work in is fairly Male dominated so i do message males. General work stuff but it is never, ever anything flirty and I genuinely do not think if any wives/ gfs read the messages they would be worried. Also I only text when there is something relevant to say. So maybe 10 messages discussing an issue then nothing for 2 months.
I would never dream of calling one of their partners a psycho. So it depends on the content of the messages although her reaction was rude.

I just checked my messages, had a quick scroll through the last 10 women I’ve communicated with for work, including some I speak with every day and have known for many years, I found one X, quite a few smileys, no pet names

Sorry if I'm not replying to everyone. I know she said these things because he told me and told me he agrees with her. He doesn't understand that it's disrespectful on her behalf and his for not correcting her. I don't mind him talking to female friends or colleagues but in these messages (on her behalf mainly) o got weird vibes then that comment she said about me just topped it all off. It just hurts that after so long together he is picking a work colleague over his partner, mother of his child. It doesn't make sense.

No, it doesn't make sense. Something very off here OP, you don't finish with a long term partner you have a child with because they don't like the way someone is texting you. Really sorry

Yeah, there is far more to this and it sounds like a flimsy excuse to end this, where he can skip off to her I bet!

Happily open the door when he leaves, and thank him for doing you a massive favour. He's disrespectful, shady, and untrustworthy. You can do better.

@BuffayTheVampireLayer

Yeah, there is far more to this and it sounds like a flimsy excuse to end this, where he can skip off to her I bet!

Yep, this^

Sounds like he is looking for an excuse to leave.

What kind of pet names does he use?

I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either. It sound like there may have been some flirting going on and the messages are probably underpinned by this.

An ex friend used to flirt with friends, people’s boyfriends, men at work - it was all about control and boosting her low self-esteem. Very weird behaviour

@Aquamarine1029

Happily open the door when he leaves, and thank him for doing you a massive favour. He's disrespectful, shady, and untrustworthy. You can do better.

^^ This. With bells on! He's a twat.

I know some of women in various jobs who would call literally anybody “boo” or “duckie” or something like that over text, and send kisses—would mean nothing. However if you have an issue with it, it is up to him to talk to her and say HE feels weird about it, could she stop. You shouldn’t have even been mentioned.

You would absolutely be massively unreasonable to get directly involved—you cannot barge in there to his workplace and deal with his colleagues. The problem is not her, it’s him.

It sounds like this is a big deal because you already have reasons to not trust him? In which case there’s really nothing that can be done to solve this, if you don’t have trust there’s not much there as the basis for a relationship.

I think the interesting word here is 'shady' ..

Can you explain RandomMuser101

You have to look at the bigger picture here OP. He had one foot out of the door already. This is just his way of blaming you. Niether of these things make him good partner material so in fact I would just roll with it and let him go. I guarantee he will be messaging you within eight weeks wanting to come back. You will then have the pleasure of changing his name on your phone to Shithead and ignoring his messages. See it overall as a bullet dodged and have a nice life. He sounds bloody awful frankly.