Am I in the wrong?

[randomuser101]

So long story short my partners work colleagues was sending him messages but addressing him with "pet names" like what a spouse would do and putting x's (kisses) in the messages, maybe to some people that means nothing but due to past situations with him it means something to me so I asked him politely to tell her that I was uncomfortable with it, he talked to her about it but it ended with her calling me psycho and controlling.. I'm not sure if I can across that way or not I just wanted to address that I was uncomfortable with what she was texting him.. he's pretty much defending her saying that she's right and he wants to leave tomorrow because of it because apparently I'm "embarrassing"

Am I wrong to address the situation?

You say you were brought up differently and i think thats key here.

He cant see he has done anything wrong and denies anything going on but is willing to leave you, no doubt she has offered him a dirty weekend so arguing with you is the perfect excusr.

My ex husband saw nothing wrong with having numerous emotional affairs and didnt see it as cheating (i bet if i did the same he would have) so with my new boyfriend when we had the exclusive chat we also had a chat about what constitutes cheating just so i knew we were on the same page, luckily we 100% are.

I think this is the way to go in the future, everyone should have the cheating chat because everyone has a different opinion and if you dont agree it wont end well.

You are definitely better off without him

Nobody innocently communicates with colleagues using pet names and ending messages with xx. So no it is not innocent and you are not in the wrong. I think he is looking to get out but make himself look better by having a reason to blame you.

Him saying he wants to leave tomorrow is another way he is trying to blame it on you. He wants you to say “we’ll go then” and then he will turn that around and say you kicked him out. Either way, you are better off without him, he is awful.

Wow!! Which work colleague puts 'xx' on texts?!

Plus his reaction to you raising this highlights a lot about his feelings / respect for you.

I think you're very understanding. If I were in your shoes the moment he said "I'm thinking of leaving" I would have replied "it's over".

For context im a guy.

Don't confront her, she's not in a relationship with you. He is. If you can't trust him to head this off himself, then that's the issue. If he's not trustworthy then if it's not one girl it'll be another.

You can't expect a woman with no ties to you to treat your relationship with more respect than your actual partner does.

You've only got his word she said those things about you , doesn't mean it's true.

@ShebaShimmyShake

Don't confront her, she's not in a relationship with you. He is. If you can't trust him to head this off himself, then that's the issue. If he's not trustworthy then if it's not one girl it'll be another.

You can't expect a woman with no ties to you to treat your relationship with more respect than your actual partner does.

This

He’s already pitted you against one another by telling you what she said and backing her up. If you confront her it’ll end badly.

Leave this guy, for fuck's sake!
The only people allowed to call my husband "Baby" are my gay friends. LOL Other than that, I really would freak out.
But you know, we are always called crazy and controlling and bla bla bla when we spot the crap happening. Men love playing victims.
Choosing a coworker over your partner is a big red flag itself. I'm sorry but it really sounds like he's got no respect for you...

Let him leave. He's not a good man clearly.

Help him pack.
He has made his choice.
Zero respect for you. Not even a thought for your feelings.
He can cozy up with Miss Kissy Text, who he has some sort of relationship with that they are both defending.