Feel like I'm being treated like a diary farm cow

[SpotlessMind88]

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and it's all been new and exciting but my partner treats me as if I'm a diary cow. As soon as the baby is done feeding, he is there asking to take her. I want to say to him that I can hold her even if I'm not feeding her but I really don't want an argument.
He is off work on paternity leave until the end of October and I keep telling myself to just wait until he goes back to work and then I'll have loads of time with my baby but it's really annoying. I want him to spend time with the baby, but so do I.
I don't know if I should say something or just wait until he goes back to work and then I can spend hours with the baby without him there. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated 😊

Can't you tell him how you feel without getting into an argument? Because if that's the case, there is something very wrong...

Why can't he hold his child when you are done breastfeeding? Does he take her away from you entirely, every minute, unless you are feeding her? If not, you will have loads and loads of time to hold her all day, and I can promise that you'll wish he were there when you're alone with her all day long. YABU. Instead of being angry, I would consider the fact that he may want to squeeze in as much one on one time with the baby before he goes back to work, and he's not doing so maliciously..

Spend the time he has her taking naps, you should be getting your energy back.

I remember feeling similar to you in the very early days. I couldn't wait for DH to go back to work. Looking at some people on here though, I realise how much more preferable it is to have a truly involved and caring DH, even if it is a bit annoying to start with.
I would let him know how you feel in a non confrontational way. This situation is new for the both of you after all. Sounds like you are both determined to remember these first few months with the LO.

@Crunched thank you for your advice and non-judgemental words. I will try and let him know how I feel and Hopfully it will work out.
@Aquamarine1029 yes he does take her away entirely as soon as I'm done breastfeeding, I'm not angry and I know he isn't doing it maliciously that's why I'm on mumsnet to get advice.
@LaBellina yes I can tell him how I feel without it turning into an argument, but I want to know the best way to approach the situation so as not to lead to an argument. We're both sleep deprevived and cranky after all.
Thanks again @Crunched really appreciate your advice 😊 Xx

I would start by saying something really non confrontational when he asks to take the baby like "ooh we are just having a snuggle", but if there is no change, discuss with him how you are feeling. He can tell you if you're being post partum hormonal unreasonable or not. He might just think he's being really helpful!

I think hes trying to be really helpful. No one is in the wrong here, it's all new to both of you ,you'll work it out .
I'd have given anything for my lazy ex partner to have taken ds for a bit ,I used to beg for a shower and even then he gave me a time limit !
Congratulations on your new arrival and what a lucky baby to have all those cuddles

I recon he's read one of those "how to be a supportive new dad" books and thinks this is what he's meant to do to allow you to rest. Talk to him op and tell him you need cuddle time with the baby. Let him do all the nappy changes though!

Maybe send him to buy some homemade organic breast pads or something obscure that will take a while to find?

Just tell him no? Baby needs to be with you as much as possible, you’re not just there to feed and nothing else. He might think he’s being supportive but I think it’s really controlling, and you seem worried about saying you want to hold your own baby which seems like a red flag

Surely men need to build a bond with their babies too? Enables them to feel confident doing their share of care down the line. This board is full of men who don't.

Hahaha only on mumsnet is a dad cuddling his baby controlling and a red flag .that's all op needs to hear I'm sure . Wind your neck in

@Summerhillsquare build a bond? Sure. Take a baby from their mum every time they’re not being fed? No, absolutely not

@Dontforgetyourbrolly he’s taking baby every time she’s not feeding and she doesn’t feel she can say no - doesn’t sound like a very healthy dynamic to me, does it to you? That a mum is asking if she should say something to her partner about wanting to keep hold of her own baby? That sounds just fine to you?

The red flag is her not being sure she can say anything.

Why does it need to be an argument? Just talk to him.

And here we go another slanging match ...
I'd say he is just excited tbh and he sounds like he's bonding with yere baby I've been married twice and have been on both sides of the coin so I truly do understand. Is there a way the next time that you could invite him for a cuddle with ye . He probably feels overwhelmed knowing his time is limited and then he won't experience much anymore being out of the house . My second husband is so much more hands on I call him the second wife of the house 😃 as funny as it sounds it can be very annoying. My advice to you would be to try enjoy it and mind you as much as you can as when he goes back you will really feel it and in the meantime try have family moments xx good luck having a new baby is hard just navigate this together so many men leave it all up to us until we are drained . I don't think he sounds controlling from what you have described he just sounds like he has committed to being a hands on dad and would probably be horrified if he knew you felt this way

I felt like this about DMil she wanted the baby for hours and hours and I hated it, cried and eventually stopped pumping so she couldn’t have him.

Now, I need that time, I am broken from months of sleep deprivation.

What I’m saying is, just because you don’t want to give the baby up now doesn’t mean you can’t ever. If it feels right to have snuggles then have them. A simple ‘ it’s my turn with this beautiful girl/boy’

He’s going back to work soon. Enjoy it while it last.

With our first DH said the only time he felt comfortable holding the baby was when she’d been fed because she was still and sleepy. He didn’t know what to do with a baby rooting around for a feed and he thought that if I’d been holding her for an hour or two I deserved a break. Just talk about it OP, he probably has no idea he’s pissing you off. This is a whole new world for both of you and assume he’s being caring until you know otherwise.

Do you mean the only time you get to hold your baby at all is when she needs fed? Does dp do all the changing, bathing etc?

Tell him you need baby to be close to encourage your milk supply, which is true. Tell him you want to snuggle for twenty minutes then you'll hand baby over. Then, yes, go have a nap or shower.
Phrase it as you want to have cuddle time before doing your own thing.

Going by what you said, he sounds like he actually wants to be involved with the baby. Do not push him away.... it’s a great thing that he is trying to be there for you, and its only for a short time he can be this available to you and the baby, why ruin it??
End of October is only a few days away, use the time to relax and prepare for when the help will not be as available. The baby isn’t going anywhere and is still yours.

Also congratulations

In a few months you’ll be dying for someone to take the baby off you for an hour or two