Feel like I'm being treated like a diary farm cow

[SpotlessMind88]

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and it's all been new and exciting but my partner treats me as if I'm a diary cow. As soon as the baby is done feeding, he is there asking to take her. I want to say to him that I can hold her even if I'm not feeding her but I really don't want an argument.
He is off work on paternity leave until the end of October and I keep telling myself to just wait until he goes back to work and then I'll have loads of time with my baby but it's really annoying. I want him to spend time with the baby, but so do I.
I don't know if I should say something or just wait until he goes back to work and then I can spend hours with the baby without him there. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated 😊

You tell him you want your turn for cuddles!

Congratulations on your new baby.

Let him have cuddles and get involved. Honestly, it probably feels easy now but when the baby is driving you demented, it’s brilliant if you have a keen hands on partner who will take over and give you a break.
(Mine didn’t and coping with my own projectile vomiting migraine was horrific.)

So for your own future sanity, don’t discourage him at this stage.
He’ll be back at work soon enough and you’ll have the baby all day to snuggle.

I actually feel sorry for men on this site, they can never win whatever they do. You refer to the baby as yours ‘OP’, the baby isn’t just yours, he is the father after all, he has limited time off to spend with the baby and is likely trying to make the most of it. You’ve also not long given birth so maybe he is trying to give you some space to fully recover. If you aren’t happy with something he is doing have a conversation with him.

It’s a shame you talk about him the way you do when it seems he is one of the few on here (based on your OP) who is actually there for his child and wants to actively be involved

It does sound as though you’re being a bit selfish. Obviously he’s unable to feed your baby if you’re breastfeeding, so he should be commended for wanting to take the baby when you’ve finished, not be criticised.
Please don’t push him away, it can be a lonely time for new dads and they can feel useless. Make the most of him wanting to be involved, go and have a nice bath or a snooze. 💐

I think some dads can feel a bit helpless when a mum is bf, maybe he feels he is helping, or giving you a break?
Although when my youngest was born my DH used to take him I think because DS would go to sleep most of the day and be up all night and it would be far less demanding to hold a sleeping (or even crying baby) than playing dolls or farms, or doing craft with toddler DD!!

Talked about him how?
OP, when he goes to take baby, just say, I'd like to have a little time cuddling, thanks.

I hate comments like ‘you’ll be dying for five minutes soon’
I’m 14 months in and am still yet to be ‘desperate for me time’ - not everyone wants that.

It shouldn’t be confrontation if you’re in a relationship, tell him you’re happy to cuddle for a while once you have finished feeding. If it bothers him then you need to ask him why.

Is a diary cow like some sort of bovine PA?

Seriously - you've had a child with this man: talk to him!

Ha ha the dads cant win, either they're lazy shites or they are too involved

Men really cannot win on here, can they?

I also am interesting in whether he’s doing all the feeding and changing. Also do think he’s probably just trying to get his hours in now while he’s off work... but it is a bit worrying that you can’t talk to him about it. Why do you think it’ll cause a problem? And he’s taking the baby away? To another room? If so why?

@ChrisPrattsFace

I hate comments like ‘you’ll be dying for five minutes soon’ I’m 14 months in and am still yet to be ‘desperate for me time’ - not everyone wants that.

It shouldn’t be confrontation if you’re in a relationship, tell him you’re happy to cuddle for a while once you have finished feeding. If it bothers him then you need to ask him why.

What? You don't want your partner/Dh to have one on one time with his/her child? Why not?

OP I think it is lovely that he is doing this. You will be the one doing this all by yourself soon enough. Dh used to come home from work, get changed and then make a bee line for Ds, talked to him and told him all about his day whilst making me a cup of tea. Ds was 3 weeks old. This has continued, my sons are now 17 and 14, love their Dad to bits, because he was there for all of it, good and bad.

I'm jealous. :) My husband never took ours from me - that's much, MUCH worse believe me! Once he's back at work you'll be dying to pass the baby over when he gets in. Enjoy it while you can

I think there must be a backstory here. Surely you'd just tell your partner how you're feeling? Why would it cause an argument?

I'm another who thinks he probably thinks he's being helpful and not wanting to be the kind of dad who never does anything for baby.

My PILs took my baby from me so much (it wasn't DH) that it adversely affected my milk supply. When DD was hungry I had no milk because I'd not been allowed to hold her. At night time, when they weren't there, I didn't have a problem. Rest is important but the OP should be the judge of that, surely. The mother's time to bond with the baby is so important in the early days.