I hope I never get a crush again

[Haribocokebottle]

Back end of summer (August) a man working near my house started lighting up when he saw me. Flirting with Me. Offered to buy us all breakfast when he told me he wanted bacon and I said so do I now. (Feel free to puke) but he literally had me all in a twirl. Shouting over. Complimenting me to the women over the street.

Ive spent 7 weeks pining like a puppy. Searching for him on facebook (call me a stalker if you will) but I can't find him. The last time I saw him he looked like he was going to come over. He was smiling and by himself for once. He looked at me for ages but then suddenly turned and didn't bother. I was in the garden with my toddler.

Only seen him once since then to say hi. His eyes lit up and he asked me if i was alright.

A week ago he was outside with loads of blokes working. I didn't go out and that was his last day on the job. My time has run out.

I have been so up and down over this man. Which is probably ridiculous. But I can't remember the last time I felt this way. I felt so sure he was decent and wanted to get to know me. I am early 30s and I'm guessing he's early 40s. So I thought maybe he will be good for me. Older. Maturer etc.

I've gone through every emotion. Dancing around the kitchen with music on. Feeling flat when he's not there. Telling myself I don't actually want him to lying awake at night thinking how can I get around approaching him.

Considered ways to leave my number for him. But I chickened out. There's still others from his team working there but I just can't bring myself to be so forward.

Anyway on Wednesday I had a good cry. Accepted it's not a thing. I created it in my head.

Slowly over the last 4 days I've got over the painful part. But now I just feel abit afraid to think about it. It's too painful. I don't know why but the season changing just makes me feel abit worse. Everything is cold and dull.

I literally had no control over how I felt. I didn't want to feel how I did.

I just wanted to share incase anyone else is miserable over a crush lol. I see why the name is crush now.

I definitely hope I never catch silly feelings again.

Or, enjoy the ‘silly feelings’ and next time be bolder and ask him out.

Sometimes the chase is better than the catch.

We create false stories in our heads, what we imagine them to be sometimes they can be totally different and not as much fun in reality.

It's a nice feeling seeing the person you like, imagining what if, looking forward to passing them by, seeing what they say, how they react. Watching their eyes and face to see if there any signs they like us.

In saying that, I'm a firm believer in being forward, too much time gets wasted day dreaming, it also gives you a solid yes or no if they're interested.

So if it were me I'd go out walk by the other guys, catch one of their eyes and say "where's you mate". See what they say, have your number ready, or ask them if he's on fb, he could have his settings set to not been able to find. Or tell them you're on fb and if he wanted he could send you a friend's request.

Never have regrets.

I just couldn't get the right moment. I kind of wanted him to make the first move too. Too shy to be that bold.

@lipz

I am abit shy of his mates. They are mostly travellers and they seem really blokey. Not sure if they know what's been going on or not. I know his name because my neighbour told me.

It probably is a case of me getting a false idea in my head. I noticed he smokes alot and works 7 days a week. So perhaps in reality he'd be too busy and tired.

I don't even know if he's single either. Imagine if he's married and I've got the wrong idea.

I do regret a little not being braver. But I'm telling myself he didn't make a move either so perhaps it's for the best.

Ask your neighbour if he’s due back and say why! X maybe they’ll pass it on!!

It probably doesn't help that because you have a toddler, does he know for sure that you're single, or that could have put him off making a move? Also, was he a traveller himself as even if he really liked you, there are quite different cultural rules so that may have stopped him too?

Wow OP that does seem a o bit of an intense reaction for what was just a bit of flirting . Do you have much else going on ? (apart from a toddler of course!). I just wonder if you built this up into a bit of a fantasy to fill a gap?Also not helped by lockdown I’m sure.

I could have virtually written your post. There were some guys working at my block of flats on and off for a few weeks in the summer. I had a planet sized crush on the one in charge - we'd chat, smile, hold eye contact and I lived for those interactions.

Obviously I stalked him on SM. He lives nearby and status says "single". He drove past in the street once and smiled and waved. I was ecstatic he knew who I was out of the context of where I live.

Meanwhile I was going on Tinder dates with a series of no-spark guys. I think Mr Crush just represented hope that there's excitement/a spark out there somewhere. He seems nice but I don't know him - he could be a dickhead with bad breath and no personality in reality.

I'm getting over it - started dating younger guys on Tinder who are more sexy/fun. And came across a guy I dated a few years ago - he's not boyfriend material but some sexy chat and a planned meeting have taken my mind off Mr Crush.

I still hope I see him every time I step outside the front door though...but any excitement in this fucking year can only be a good thing.

No idea if that helps but I've read several posts like this and think it's a lockdown thing?

You've posted about this before haven't you?

Didn’t you post about this yesterday- you were seeing psychics about it?

Are you the person who used psychics?

@PatchworkElmer

Didn’t you post about this yesterday- you were seeing psychics about it?

I was thinking the same

I'm with you OP, I feel like my life has been very negatively impacted by crushes. Since I was about 15 I've had very intense crushes, each one lasts for about 2 years and that person is basically all I think about. It's horrible. I've acted like a complete fool over it many times. My last one was my now DH, of course those feelings for him are long gone now, he's ok but he's not that special really I now realise. Although we are happy enough together.

I hope I go the rest of my life without another.

Crushes are awful, awful things and it’s worse when you get one when you’re already in a relationship! It happened to me last year at work, I had a stupid crush on a work colleague who was younger than me and we literally had nothing in common. I can’t really explain it, it was just an attraction. I ended up telling my partner about and he just laughed, occasionally these things do happen. But no matter how intense your feelings are now, I can guarantee you they will fade in time.

You're the one who got obsessed and started seeing psychics to find things out about him and get someone to tell you he wanted you?

You really need to leave him alone. Dont go to the friend and leave your number. Dont go to his workmates. Just leave him alone.

Therapy was suggested to you in your last thread; have a think about it.

@Piewraith

I've read up a lot on this, because it has affected me too. Crushes aren't a defect in you, they are an evolutionary feature. The two/three year crush is designed to basically get you paired off and with children. Once in your life that has been successful and so the crush has served its purpose for you.

The problem, if you like, is that the ability to have a crush can't simply be deactivated, or only activated when you need it.

Understanding that I'm not weird, or defective, in having crushes was some relief to me. As you say though, they are horrible. It's the closest I've ever been to thinking I had a MH problem. Exhausting, annoying, intrusive and potentially utterly destructive when it happens and you're already in a relationship.

I can't believe that there is more than one woman on this thread claiming to be flattered and attracted to a builder shouting comments to them in the street!

Most if us just ignore and the bravest tell them to fuck off.

Psychics?? You've lost me??

I don't know if he's a traveller. He does share vehicles but his accent is different. But that doesn't mean much I guess. He also doesn't dress like the other ones do. They have big belts and stuff on lol.

Yes I usually ignore the wolf whistlers, but they are not all disgusting perves. They are people too and if they see someone on a job rather than someone in a pub it's still the same thing.

Glad to not be alone. I'm definitely getting over it now. But it was a horrible feeling. I was literally sitting there thinking I want to forget about all of this.

I can't really defend myself about getting too intense. He gave me strong instant feelings. Thankfully it doesn't usually happen and 99% of attempts from men get ignored.

You have the exact same writing style as the OP who had the exact same story as you and went off to the psychics for help.

If you're a different person, then there must be something going around with builders and crushes.

My first thought was it was the psychics poster again, that got weird quickly.

I dont think this poster is the same, as I actually think posting style is somewhat different... but if you are another poster op, you're clearly not alone with this builder thing, as you're not the first one to post this type of topic!

Either that or there's an incredibly dishy and charismatic builder going around, preying on the hearts of young single women.... who may or may not be prince charming, but we will never know, as all this women are too shy to make the first move....

Wonder if its the same guy

Interesting first post and identical to the psychic poster. Friends builder across the road, what a coincidence 🙄

No judgement here to travellers at all but its likely if the other guys are travellers he is too and there might be cultural difficulties to him dating you. This may be why he didnt approach you. Apologies if I'm wrong here to any travellers reading this if I'm making assumptions. Its probably best to move on from this and look for that spark and chemistry with another guy.

Has anyone got a link to this psychics thread? It was mentioned on another thread as well.

It's exactly the same:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4050218-Ive-wasted-money-and-made-myself-obsessed?msgid=100913580

It's the limerence thing isn't it, I hate it too and I'm glad I'm older with hardly any sex drive and free of all that