Where do I stand

[Elainnie]

Hi I have had a very long abusive marriage you might wonder why people just don't get out at the first sign
But unfortunately it's not as simple as that
On one part I do blame myself for being soft with an easy going personality ,
He obviously picked up on that and a world wind of ups and a very lot of downs later , after experiencing all kinds of , physical ,mental emotional abuse .
keeping me away from family and I have no friends
I've really woke up to him and I see him for what he really is
for a long time I blamed myself I lacked confidence and the last thing I wanted to do was argue especially in front of the kids and I would do anything to keep him happy
While reading on the internet about abusive relationships I came across a topic all about narcissism, I was completely dumbfounded because while reading it it was as if it was describing my husband it was like reading a manual all about him

All these years later our home has never been on our names and is now in trust for our grown up children he has done it like that to save guard himself
The business that we have ran there over the years is in both of our names but the money from that business gets paid into a bank account solely in his name and I have never received a penny of that
He also has our live time savings all hid up so I can't get hold of that either

The problem Is when I do leave with our 10 year old son I'll have no where to live I'll be taking him away from his school I'll be leaving my husband with the business the home and the money he will get him self a solicitors and I'll lose everything
Elainnie

I’m sorry for the situation you are in, it’s great that you are now looking for ways to get away from your abusive Husband.
I just came on to say if you maybe ask @MNHQ to move this post to relationships you may get some answers. There seem to be lots of posters really knowledgeable about these things over on the relationships board. If you look at the top right of your post you can press ‘report’ and ask for it to be moved, I’m sure you will get lots of good advice there. I hope things go well for you

Thanks I'll give it a try

Hi OP, we're moving this thread over to our Relationships topic now. Hopefully some more Mumsnetters will be along soon with some advice and support.

I think you need to get legal advice ASAP. If cost is an issue womens aid can give you a link to free legal advice (but not represtation).Maybe even citizens advice could help.
Good luck and well done making the decision to get out.

Definitely speak to Women's Aid and Rights of Women, knowledge is power in your situation and you may well be in a stronger position than you think.

If your business is in both names then you are entitled to be paid a wage from it. I am sure a solicitor will be able to help you

You have a long marriage so should be able to get at least half of everything, doesn't matter whose name it's in. You'll be far better off after the divorce

Can a trust be changed in any way at all !
or has he got this all tied up

You need legal advice I’m afraid. It’s unlikely he’s got it all tied up.

Because if it was that easy to hide marital assets then all these multi millionaires and celebs would be doing it . But even they still have to split assets when they divorce.

Good point !

They tend to be very good at making you believe you have no power but it's likely perfectly possible you're in a much stronger position than he'd like you to think. At the very least you need to find out for yourself, that's what I meant by knowledge is power

You can say that again he really did keep me down and I didn't really see no way out
it's only recently I've been thinking differently
I think it's the menopause and I'm now beginning to grow some balls
Though it feels as though I'm standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump I guess I'm just going to have to hope I land on something soft

Unless you are in physical danger you don’t need to jump without a plan. He’s been very carefully planning for years to screw you over, so you need to play him at his own game And get your ducks in a row.

@S00LA

Unless you are in physical danger you don’t need to jump without a plan. He’s been very carefully planning for years to screw you over, so you need to play him at his own game And get your ducks in a row.

Love this. Like other PPs have said, you need to get legal advice, because you are actually in a much better position than you think you are. Your joint assets, including money and the business, are joint and him trying to block access to you getting them is illegal and won't go well with a judge.

And loving your menoballs - well done!

How are you doing today @Elainnie?

He has never shown me any respect and has always kept me down physically and mentally "I have absolutely nothing " well that's what he has made me believe for years
He was forever reminding me that everything was his
It's only been these last few months that I've really had a break through with my thinking and like you say to do
I'm planning and lining those ducks up

You sound quite determined, that’s good.

Do you gave anyone in rl you can confide in?