Reporting him to the police for harrasment

[Secondtimearoun]

I've posted about exdh before

Split 18 months ago. 3 dc but he hasnt seen them for 10 months.
He is paranoid, unstable and abusive.
We've had little contact but in the last month he has texted asking for our youngest ds 9 at Christmas. He wants him for 3 days despite no contact since last year.
Ds would be very uncomfortable and afraid.
I have been ignoring the texts but they have been coming. Asking questions about the breakdown, accusing me of sleeping with people, going on about how he loved me, I've ruined his life, the dc will be told, he will get online friends to cause trouble for me if I dont let him have dc.
Demanding to know why the elder teens have blocked him, who told them too, how he's going to take me to court, how everything about me will come out in public including the fact I had a termination.
Just relentless.

I spoke to a solicitor who wasnt really very helpful, they just told me to try and talk to him and arrange something if youngest dc wants to see him. He doesn't!!
A friend suggested I I report him to the police for harrasment and I'm tempted but I'm also scared it will provoke him to do something.
What will happen if I do ?
What is the process ?
Will they come out to me ?

I just dont know how to make this stop. He us mentally ill, literally unhinged, one text was a huge long racist rant its really quite frightening.

In my experience the police will do very little to help you.
You need to apply for a non-molestation order.
In the meantime save any texts or communications from him, but do not respond. Do not engage in any arguments, do not give him any reaction. I understand that's very difficult, I've been there.

Contact the police anyway, they will likely refer you to the National Centre For Domestic Violence. They can advise you and offer some guidance on applying for a non-molestation order.

I have just been ignoring him. The last text was demanding an answer as to why the girls have blocked him.
He said either you tell me or the courts will make you tell me, either way I will get an answer.

Will a non molestation order mean he isn't allowed to contact me ?
Do I do that myself? Do I pay? How does it work.

Harassment law is notoriously weak for dealing with abusive ex partners.

The Domestic Abuse Bill is currently before parliament and coercive control is set to become illegal not only against current partners but also ex partners who live separately. It's before the Lords so hopefully will be in next year.

I think your chance of success with the law will be much greater then.

Yes, contact the police (obviously not on the emergency number).

Carry on ignoring his texts.

He won't bother his arse actually going to court, he'd have done it by now if he was going to and even if he did they'd wipe the floor with him and laugh him out the door at his request for Christmas after not seeing the kids for 10 months.

If you can get support from the NCDV they can help you employ a legal representative who will apply for legal aid on your behalf. The non molestation order can be drafted by your legal rep to include specific clauses that are appropriate to your situation. The first steps I would advise is to report him to the police, they may not actually take any action against him but they can refer you to the right resources so you can get the help you need.
Get the ball rolling today, you don't have to live with this. It's bullying, it's intimidating and it's psychological abuse.

I had this and police were very helpful. He ended up being successfully prosecuted for harassment. Report it every single time.

If I report it today, will they come out to me today ?

@Secondtimearoun the police might come out to you today, if you prefer you can make an appointment at your local police station. Its important that you contact them asap. Your abuser will continue to affect your life if you don't use all the powers you have against him.
I've been in a similar position and I'm in your corner.

If I just ignore him and his constant requests to see the children, will it look bad if he does eventually take me to court or get a solicitor?
Social services were involved briefly when I had to call the police on him because he threatened suicide.
They left me though and said they were happy with how i was handling things. Do you think its worth contacting them about the text messages or avoid getting them involved ?

Get some advice with the police and send the thread of texts to a email folder and Block his number
If he decides to go to court then is the time your email folder is opened again
Listen whatever threats or bs he pulls the more people know of it the better.
Get accurate advice from police,
it's not a healthy way to live.
Block it now!

How it looks is that your tolerating a load of bs for what reason given your history.
Courts are not stupid nor is evidence sitting on your phone.

@Secondtimearoun

Make it clear you don't want to hear from him again. Something crystal clear along the lines of "Stop texting me or I will report you for harassment". If he contacts you again after that, go to the police who can issue a harassment warning.

In my experience be careful. Do not ignore him -courts DON'T like this ignoring behaviour they want to see you making every effort to contact and faciliate SAFE contact. You say he is abusive -trust me I've been there -but want evidence do you have -I had police report, ambulance report, GP and it STILL wasn't enough.. You say unstable he will counter and say you are hostile and unstable -mine did. I had a psc assessment to say not. If you ignore -the court WILL sympathise with him sadly.

A request to see his children is not harassment, in the eyes of the court. I would text back -due to the following behaviours., list them... it is not currently safe for the children to have access unsupervised and they have been asked and want no contact. If you are serious about wanting contact given the above- I would suggest you contact the local contact centre and we contact CAFCASS to do an assessment on you and make sure a supervised visit is in the children's best interests -give him the details to faciliate a supervised visit of the local contact centre -but email them first and put down all the facts.

OH and get a new solicitor

@MsKeats really? Thats interesting thank you.
I have wondered if just ignoring him makes it look as though I am doing nothing.
He isnt just texting asking to see his children, he is also texting me asking me questions about the end of our relationship and other frankly, insane ramblings.
He is seriously paranoid, believes his life is at risk, phone tapped, people following him, shooting at him ( yes really ) everything...
I just am scared he will escalate.
I genuinely don't know who to ask for help.

[quote Secondtimearoun]@MsKeats really? Thats interesting thank you.
I have wondered if just ignoring him makes it look as though I am doing nothing.
He isnt just texting asking to see his children, he is also texting me asking me questions about the end of our relationship and other frankly, insane ramblings.
He is seriously paranoid, believes his life is at risk, phone tapped, people following him, shooting at him ( yes really ) everything...
I just am scared he will escalate.
I genuinely don't know who to ask for help.[/quote]
Well in that case -log and photo all of those. But only reply about the children. Detail his behaviours that make you and them feel unsafe. For example if he has texted you saying someone is shooting at him -phone the police 999 and tell them this -ask them to do a welfare check on him. Take everything seriously. Any threats to you or the children -report to the police immediately 999 and insist someone attends immediately. but ensure you keep photos on your laptop and backed up all the time. It took 6 years but I finally got restraining order given by the court.

For example if he has texted you saying someone is shooting at him -phone the police 999
I feel for you - this is a very difficult situation, and MsKeats has some good advice - but don't do this unless you reaaly believe it to be true, or you risk being prosecuted for wasting police time. Report him via 101 and get them on your side.

@OldGreyBadger

For example if he has texted you saying someone is shooting at him -phone the police 999 I feel for you - this is a very difficult situation, and MsKeats has some good advice - but don't do this unless you reaaly believe it to be true, or you risk being prosecuted for wasting police time. Report him via 101 and get them on your side.

I think she needs to. Keep calm -just report what it told you. Even better if you can GET him to put it in a text -say Hi -you said someone was shooting at you on the phone -where are you? Who is shooting?

I was going on the assumption he was saying these things in "writing" ie a text .Hence she has evidence for the police. A shooting would be 999 not 101

Thanks for your advice

I went to a one stop domestic abuse service today and they recommended I send a scripted text telling him to leave me alone or I'll report him to the police. I should also contact a solicitor they have given me details for to apply for a non molestation order.
Within 5 mins of sending the text he text me back six times.

Telling me he isnt harassing me he just wants to see his son.
He is concerned I am brain washing him and I'm a terrible catholic, so he's reporting me to social services as an unfit mum.
He also said any new partner I bring round the children had better not be a peado ( wtf) or there will be problems etc etc.
More jealous, controlling threats.
It's never ending.

Keep all the texts and take advice from the solicitor as advised by the dom abuse service.

Well he's making himself look increasing unhinged so hopefully Cafcass will support your DC in their wishes not to see him!

I reported him. Police came round and took a statement.
They advised me to continue with the non molestation order though which is scheduled to be completed on Monday as apparently it will be more effective. Hold more weight etc.
I'm petrified he will retaliate in some way. He's going to make stuff up about me I know it. He's also threatened to tell the court I had a termination etc to try and prove I'm not of sound mind. Surely none of that is relevant?
Will he see my witness statement for the non molestation order? Will he know? ..
I never thought I'd be in this situation.

KOKO

Termination is irrelevant to the courts.

Get him to go to email not texts and tell him this phone will no longer be on and block

State the script To him in email

His children I take it do not want to see him and are they tweens and older because if younger and he makes an application he may get to see them

Mrskeats makes a relevant point he needs an assessment and through caffcass or SS depending on country for supervised contact because of his issues. Keep offering supervised and why only does he want to see his son and why now after 10months.

You've done all the right things to protect yourself well done.

They are empty threats and you must hold your nerve now. He is determined to scare you. Do not feed the monster.