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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

nightmare 'friend'...

57 replies

crapcook · 13/10/2007 10:07

I went out for birthday drinks with some 'mummy' mates that I have made since being a mum. One of these friends has a past history of getting a little out of control when she is drunk and she managed to insult me last night (again)- to the point where I felt a bit picked on

I have had it out with her before about something she insulted me about on the last night out that she ruined and dont feel that I want to confront her again. But I don't feel like I can just ignore her as my DS is starting at her DDs nursery in a couple of weeks so it is inevitable that I will have to face her.

I don't feel like I can just carry on as normal with her after the way I have been treated.

OP posts:
miobombino · 14/10/2007 12:25

Well done for the text. Now stand back and ignore ! Ypu can't change her; just engage on a superficial level, or not at all.

i used, yes used to have a friend who was a nightmare when drunk. We met at 19 at university, and continued friends through the first years of my marriage, my first 2 children etc. But she started to be horrible to/about dh after a few drinks and it became impossibly unpleasant. She drove lots of people away. Quite sad but in a way liberating too in that I no longer needed to listen to her crap.

Earlybird · 14/10/2007 13:06

Well done for taking a stand and telling her the behaviour is unacceptable. By sending the email, you were able to make your point in a calm, rational way - and she will be unable to twist your words in her own mind.

I'm sure if she regularly insults you when drunk, she is also insulting other people too. Sad for her, but she'll probably end up with few (if any) friends if her behaviour carries on.

Maybe in future, limit your meetups with her to daytime coffees/teas, and go out at night without her. Sad for her, but you (and everyone else) shouldn't have your night ruined by verbal assaults that leave you stewing/reeling.

OMGhelp · 14/10/2007 13:25

Good on you. If she phones and starts with her 'excuses' just put the phone down on the table and go and do something else. She will realise after a few minute of not getting any response what you are doing, and as a petty but really nice bit of payback, you know its costing her money to rant to an empty phone. you could also (petty again I know, but boy does it feel good) pick the phone up and if she is still there say something like' Oh! are you still there' and lay the phone down again.

aDadGoneMad · 14/10/2007 13:25

good on you!

This friend is not a friend, and you are right not to put up with it. Especially on your birthday.

I think getting it off your chest is the best thing you could have done otherwise it would just always bother you not having said anything.

crapcook · 14/10/2007 20:14

Thanks foe reassuring me that I have done the right thing.

I haven't heard from her...yet!

OP posts:
kickassangel · 14/10/2007 20:30

if she goes out a lot, i suspect she has a drink problem. stnading up to her is one way of making her acknowledge this. the 'oh i can't rmember' line is too convenient. i suspect she has some problems to work through & maybe seeing how much she is alienating other people will make her think about them. i would avaoid her as mucha s possible

myermay · 14/10/2007 20:37

Message withdrawn

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