Jealousy - Instagram

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This feels very juvenile but what are your thoughts on instagram likes and following certain accounts.

He doesnt follow loads maybe a handful of those high following accounts that are very pretty model like accounts. And likes a few pics.

Is this pretty normal for nowadays?

@Yesterdayforgotten

'They can find them attractive, in the way that everyone can say that person is attractive. Where is draws the line is liking other women’s photos.

It’s no different to shouting in the street ‘corrr you’re fit’ at another woman. It’s totally degrading to his partner/wife!!'

Exactly this ^ it is disrespectful. My friends boyfriend would like other womans pictures on facebook (pictures of girls in the area as well as celebs) some even messaged him on the basis of the like etc and she would be so insecure about it. He would also openly say in front of her how 'fit' these other woman were and her confidence was on the floor. He went on to cheat on her, treat her terribly then left her. I realise not every man looking pictures will do any of of what my friends boyfriend did. I have no issue with people finding others attractive but anything more like liking and is a lack of respect.

Your poor friend. Absolute sleaze ball, she’s best off rid of him. That example is the epitome of the type of man that does it. Sleazy, disrespectful and given half a chance would take the model up on her offer of a fling!

Its totally normal in my eyes.

What is the issue here? Do you think he is going to get off with one of them or messaging them or something?

Has he done something behind your back in the past to make you think that?

And even if he would, what makes you think one of these women would just do that too? It takes two to tango as they say.

Jesus Christ are you for real @TableFlowerss

Sleazy, disrespectful and given half a chance would take the model up on her offer of a fling!

My DH would dare follow other women on Instagram as he knows it’s degrading to me and he has more respect for me than to do that.

Do you think that partners show "respect" to each other by pretending other people aren't attractive? I mean- you can assume that a normal human being finds others attractive. Is it that they aren't pretending this isn't the case, is that what's disrespectful? You're afraid of how you'll feel if you're reminded in any way that your partner isn't blind?

Also I dont think a "like" is the same as shouting at a woman in the street. Its more akin to glancing at her appreciatively. Would that make you feel disrespected somehow?

If so, why do you tie your self respect to the idea that your partner should be elaborately protecting you from the reality that you aren't the only attractive lady in the world?

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC

My DH would dare follow other women on Instagram as he knows it’s degrading to me and he has more respect for me than to do that.

Do you think that partners show "respect" to each other by pretending other people aren't attractive? I mean- you can assume that a normal human being finds others attractive. Is it that they aren't pretending this isn't the case, is that what's disrespectful? You're afraid of how you'll feel if you're reminded in any way that your partner isn't blind?

Also I dont think a "like" is the same as shouting at a woman in the street. Its more akin to glancing at her appreciatively. Would that make you feel disrespected somehow?

If so, why do you tie your self respect to the idea that your partner should be elaborately protecting you from the reality that you aren't the only attractive lady in the world?

As I’ve already said, of course we all see other people for what they are- attractive or not. That’s not a problem. My DH can see if a woman is attractive of course he can, most of the time i agree.

I don’t see it like you at all. It is very much akin to walking with your wife/GF then proceeding to whistle at another attractive woman walking by in the street.

I find it disrespectful and my DH would feel the same. Thankfully we both have boundaries that we’ve discussed as to what we find acceptable or not, within our relationship. I respect him and he respects me and it wouldn’t enter my head to be ‘liking’ photos of other men.

If other couples are happy about it then fate enough but I wouldn’t say it’s normal. Certainly not in my circle anyway. Can’t imagine any of my friends/husbands being fine with it.

@theantsgomarchin

Jesus Christ are you for real *@TableFlowerss*

Sleazy, disrespectful and given half a chance would take the model up on her offer of a fling!

Yes because that’s exactly what happened to the above poster!

I don’t see it like you at all. It is very much akin to walking with your wife/GF then proceeding to whistle at another attractive woman walking by in the street. - well, it isn't though.

A catcall is public. A "like" is private - you'd only know he had "liked" something if you specifically checked. Why would you check? Surely it doesn't matter at all. Not enough to snoop around?

A catcall is designed to invade the space of a woman who is just going about her business in public. A "like" is intended to privately show appreciation for a publicly shared image.

A catcall is meant to make the subject of the catcall, as well as other women around, feel degraded and exposed. A "like" is intended to make the person sharing the post feel validated.

I think the only thing that's similar about a catcall and a like is how YOU feel about yourself when your partner isn't 100% focused on you.

I find it disrespectful and my DH would feel the same.

It's only disrespectful if "showing respect" = "my partner isn't allowed to appreciate any beauty except mine, even if he does it in private" which to me just reeks of a woman who needs to be pandered to in order to feel good about herself or her relationship.

I just feel sorry for people who are so reliant on partners' undivided attention in order to feel safe. It seems like a house built on sand.

Plus I love seeing and liking pictures of beautiful people online, weird to think that that somehow "disrespects" my partner. It all sounds exhausting.

Guys who like and follow them are appreciating their beauty by including them in their spank bank and thinking about fucking them.

@RantyAnty

Guys who like and follow them are appreciating their beauty by including them in their spank bank and thinking about fucking them.

Yep, just like I do when I look at pics of men. Why is that offensive? Is sexual appreciation gross, in some way?

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC

I don’t see it like you at all. It is very much akin to walking with your wife/GF then proceeding to whistle at another attractive woman walking by in the street. - well, it isn't though.

A catcall is public. A "like" is private - you'd only know he had "liked" something if you specifically checked. Why would you check? Surely it doesn't matter at all. Not enough to snoop around?

A catcall is designed to invade the space of a woman who is just going about her business in public. A "like" is intended to privately show appreciation for a publicly shared image.

A catcall is meant to make the subject of the catcall, as well as other women around, feel degraded and exposed. A "like" is intended to make the person sharing the post feel validated.

I think the only thing that's similar about a catcall and a like is how YOU feel about yourself when your partner isn't 100% focused on you.

I find it disrespectful and my DH would feel the same.

It's only disrespectful if "showing respect" = "my partner isn't allowed to appreciate any beauty except mine, even if he does it in private" which to me just reeks of a woman who needs to be pandered to in order to feel good about herself or her relationship.

I just feel sorry for people who are so reliant on partners' undivided attention in order to feel safe. It seems like a house built on sand.

Plus I love seeing and liking pictures of beautiful people online, weird to think that that somehow "disrespects" my partner. It all sounds exhausting.

He doesn’t have Instagram or the like so it’s a made up situation.

That’s why you view it differently to me because YOU are the person that gives the ‘likes’. Hey if your DH is ok with that then happy days but my opinion on it is that it is degrading.

What’s the actual point of liking an attractive strangers Instagram picture? (Of themselves) the purpose is to show appreciation to them is that right?

Well that’s the same as a catcall! Or if you like, they could shout ‘you’re stunning’? Now that’s an observation surely? So wound that be acceptable to you if your DH shouted or even gently said ‘Wow- you’re so pretty’ to a lady sitting beside him in a cafe when you’re also there?

There’s no difference. It’s still a form of liking what you see and again if you’re cool with that then happy days.

How would you feel if he said in the Tesco queue ‘you’re beautiful’ to a stranger that was actually beautiful. It’s pretty much the same....

I have to say that when I see men in relationships liking other women’s half naked photos, I cringe on behalf of their partners.

How would you feel if he said in the Tesco queue ‘you’re beautiful’ to a stranger that was actually beautiful. It’s pretty much the same.... it isn't the same though - the stranger hasn't invited her audience to show her appreciation. My dp would never randomly tell someone in the street that they are pretty, because said person has not invited him to. A person posting on IG is inviting appreciation - obviously. Thats what social media is for - its to connect to other people. We are a social species.

If a female friend asks him how she looks - i.e. invites him to appreciate her - then why wouldn't he say she looked pretty, stunning, etc? (If she did!) I can't think of a reason that would be disrespectful to anyone, least of all me. So many women are gorgeous and none of that takes away from me.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it but that's just me. Come to think of it I have no idea what my DH does on Instagram 🤔 I don't pay attention. Maybe I should have a nose haha

@NualaSays

I would think it was the most tragic, juvenile thing I’d ever heard of — the 2020 equivalent of a grown man slavering over posters of Pamela Anderson — and my vagina would slam shut permanently where he was concerned.

This!

Absolutely. What kind of adult male 'likes' Instagram photos of pretty models? It's pitiful.

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC

How would you feel if he said in the Tesco queue ‘you’re beautiful’ to a stranger that was actually beautiful. It’s pretty much the same.... it isn't the same though - the stranger hasn't invited her audience to show her appreciation. My dp would never randomly tell someone in the street that they are pretty, because said person has not invited him to. A person posting on IG is inviting appreciation - obviously. Thats what social media is for - its to connect to other people. We are a social species.

If a female friend asks him how she looks - i.e. invites him to appreciate her - then why wouldn't he say she looked pretty, stunning, etc? (If she did!) I can't think of a reason that would be disrespectful to anyone, least of all me. So many women are gorgeous and none of that takes away from me.

Well all I can say is you’re very very amicable and laid back. Fair play for being so understanding!

Exactly
But I guess it’s no more pathetic than if women spent their leisure time publically a warding likes to men based on their income and height for the world to see
I wonder how many men would have something to say about their partners doing that

I'm massively into fitness so a lot of my Instagram feed is fitness fanatics I follow for inspiration. Men and women with really good bodies.

If any man told me that I couldn't follow any attractive men because it made them feel less manly or jealous or whatever, I'd think they were a loon and block them.

@Eckhart

I don't think it matters if it's normal, I think it matters that if it makes you uncomfortable, you can talk to him about it and you can respect each others boundaries.

This.

You will hear opposite ends of the opinion scale here. The thing that actually matters is how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel uncomfortable set a boundary and stick to it. If a man doesn't respect your boundaries he doesn't respect you.

@ReneeRol

I'm massively into fitness so a lot of my Instagram feed is fitness fanatics I follow for inspiration. Men and women with really good bodies.

If any man told me that I couldn't follow any attractive men because it made them feel less manly or jealous or whatever, I'd think they were a loon and block them.

Yes reneerol I think if I had a partner who was into fitness and he followed men and women who were also into fitness and looked good no problem . I see that as totally different to following the women who post suggestive very sexualised images that have zero to do with health or fitness . The type of images that have one purpose only , to sexually excite the man viewing. Two completely different things . You may well say well I also view men who have pages like that but I’ll say it once again . I’m yet to see thousands of young guys plastered all over Instagram in g strings writhing around on the sand looking back over their shoulders seductively showing their asses for women It’s a certain type of soft porn that MOSTLY men are using on Instagram that is completely different kettle of fish to attractive film stars , fitness people or the like