Inappropriate messsges??

[Livergal]

Hi
Just wanted some advice about a few messages I’ve seen my husband has sent to a woman he works with - on Teams so not personal texts or emails it’s in a work context but he’s complimented her hair, invited her to go running with him And he’s bought her lunch. Should I be worried ? She’s married and we’ve been married 17 years!

Was there a particular reason @Livergal why you decided to read his Teams messages though? I’m on the fence. Could be nothing but also slightly odd too. Has his behaviour changed recently?

@Brunchickle

Men don't compliment women unless they intend to. There's purpose there. Watch him like a hawk.

Yes we do say nice things to women we know. We can also take it in turns to buy lunch. Therse not enough evidence here to say hes planning on cheating with Her. Also watching him like a hawk dose sound very controlling. If he notices then she may well do damage to the trust in her relationship with him.

OP, therse not enough to say anything either way. But it has started to effect how you feel. You need to tread carefully and you need more evidence before you can know hes upto something he shouldn't be.
Good luck

What the fuck is if with men and their female work colleagues!! Every time I see a post about a woman worried about her husband cheating it’s with someone they work with. Men are just so predictable it’s like written in the stars that men have to have an affair with a work colleague! Why can’t they just have a day off 🙄 I would shut that shit down straight away and say if he wants to crack on then he can pack his suitcase. Don’t even give him chance to make up excuses, situations like this never end well.

I’ve worked with male colleagues who would notice if your hair was different or pay you a complement. They would also sometimes pay for lunch ( and vice versa) if we were eating together - usually in a group and not just 2 people. And there was absolutely nothing in this but friendship.
I think you know your husband and how strong your relationship is better than anyone else on here. So trust your judgement - is this usual behaviour for your dh or not. If not I would keep a close eye on things

A colleague recently complimented my hair as it has changed, they definitely don’t fancy me.

I have mainly male colleagues and sometimes they compliment me and the other day I complimented my colleagues hair - I genuinely liked it.

Life is shit right now for everyone and a little compliment goes a long way. It definitely doesn’t mean I want to take it further

I suppose it all comes down to whether you trust him or not.

My DH doesn’t seem bothered that I told my colleague his hair looked nice.

Also we go running together because he encourages me. And it’s during lunch time.

It’s hard to find someone to run with who isn’t competitive or distracting.

It would concern me big time my ex was like this turned out he fancied her and then they ended up having an affair for months

Did they actually go out to lunch together? I would consider that a bit intimate, like a date. The other stuff I'd see as flirty/overfamiliar, too.

Did they actually go out to lunch together? I would consider that a bit intimate, like a date.

Are you serious??!! It's lunch. Colleagues of the opposite sex can have lunch together. In actual restaurants even. Honestly the levels of paranoia on this forum at times is really shocking.

It appears I must be a terrible floozie. I have lunch with various different male colleagues. Sometimes they pay, sometimes I pay. I used to have regular breakfasts with male colleagues too, and we'd take it in turns to pay. Is breakfast more intimate than lunch or less intimate? I pay my colleagues compliments on their appearance and over the years I've taken a number of colleagues to the gym with me. Nothing dodgy has being going on at any point.

Lunch isn’t a date!

Dinner for two in a nice Italian is a date

It may be that he feels comfortable doing and saying this type of stuff purely because there is nothing between them and she's totally in the friendship zone.

I've done all these things (except running!) with a lovely work friend of the opposite sex. No connection /romantic interest between us.

You are best placed to decide knowing your dh and his personality. You also need to look at the wider picture and ask yourself if his behaviour has changed etc. Any other indicators that he's maybe not being faithful /looking to start an affair?

I don't think any of these actions are off. And my ex was a sleaze bag,

I think it would be fine by me. To like women's hair styles and have lunch together. Going for a run not so sure as I'm not a runner but I've had colleagues who did and never was suspicious. Nothing going on!

But only you can know OP re style and tone, frequency and intensity of conversations and if he's never ever had female friends before.

Just from personal experience..
I used to go into a business years ago.. There was a pretty fit guy in there who at first just used to 'look' in a way of clearly fancying me.. Weeks later came some subtle compliments..years later and I became single.. He knew this due to his job and cane the texts trying it on. We did have a brief fling.. Until I found out he was married. He still messages on and off now to see how I am.. His poor wife may have been aware or completely unaware of his change in behaviour just like I was realising he was married.. Your gut instinct is normally right.