He said he feels guilt for treating me badly. Should I stay?

[Helen278]

I met a man who recently split with ex who he had a toddler with. The ex wanted the split too because the relationship was unhealthy and they agreed to co parent. We have been dating 4 months, it's been good but as soon as we both felt this could be serious, he started to panic. He said he suddenly felt intense guilt for leaving family home but he had to as the relationship couldn't continue. He felt guilt for not being with dc everyday. He misses dc so much and can't stop thinking about dc. He breaks down in tears infront of me and can't settle. He keeps apologising to me, saying he's so sorry for feeling like this, when he should be making me happy. He says he has feelings for me, wants to be with me, he just needs some time to get over this separation anxiety with dc, he sees dc every weekend and 3 mornings a week. He says he needs me to help him get through and if I ever fall out of love with him, can I please still be a friend. He keeps saying he now feels guilt for how he's treating me. I don't know what to say? I really like him and he's a great Dad, the way he's begging me to be there for him makes me want to stay but then I worry am I being a mug? Opinions would be really helpful! Thanks

[quote Helen278]@Eckhart

So true!
I dread every time he see's DC because he's a wreck after saying goodbye to DC. He keeps saying he was fine when he first left and doesn't know why he's feeling like this now. I don't feel pressured to be there for him but because I like him so much it's so hard not to keep seeing him.
He's definitely broken I've never seen a guy cry like this for their DC. I bet he's been crying because he's grieving the ex relationship. I told him that too, and he looked at me shocked because let's be honest, he probably didn't grieve it properly.
[/quote]
You keep making sure everyone knows you're referring to his DC why is that OP. Your Gut is screaming at you! And you are trying to silence it.

OP, If you are who I think you are this is the third thread I’ve read of yours about this, Two have been deleted by admin in the last couple of days. What’s going on? I took the the trouble of replying to you on your last thread and now I feel taken for a fool!

Good grief, he's a grown man.

He needs to grow up. I'm annoyed just reading about him.

He talks the talk.... a lot. He's keeping you sweet in case he doesn't get back with his ex.

He says he’s crying over the kids, but he’s crying over his failed family. With HER.
You’re a Plan B.
A fallback.
A just in case.
The tin of beans you keep in the cupboard in case you burn the dinner.
He’s never going to fall in love with you.

This is all too much for 4 months in. You should be having fun, not drama. The fact he is dreading his ex meeting someone in the event they will be a replacement for another parent for their DC is just pathetic. The fact is if he has a good relationship with his DC and sees them regularly and has an amicable relationship with his ex, without being a drama llama, then all should be fine. Totally ditch him, if you keep seeing him you will have years of this to come. And you are NOT responsible for 'helping him' get through it. That's his responsibility.

@Helen278 hi, I didn’t want to read and ignore because Iv been where you are.
Everyone is saying run and leave him and it’s probably the easiest thing to do.
However, I met my dp 3 years ago, fresh out of his 12 year marriage (she had only left 6 weeks previously) he was online looking for hook ups or rebound I guess, although didn’t actually say that obviously. I had been separated from my exh for only 6 months and had had 5 month fling in that time that left me hurt.
Anyway I guess we were both a bit broken, as had never given ourself the time to heal.
He came with so much baggage, cried about her new bf and got upset and almost definitely told her he would have her back even when he wanted to be official with me. There were so many red flags, it was unreal, i got upset as did he but the good times were out of this world. We clicked like Iv never done before.
So first 3 months amazing, then I had enough of being the emotional support and feeling unloved, we started arguing and we eventually split. How could I trust a man I knew was never ready to be with me. I also needed more than he could give, I hadn’t been ready and wasn’t strong enough to deal with my divorce and be his support. We were apart for 3 months. We needed the space, we dated other people although I knew deep down we needed to heal ourselves first, I knew he was the one for me. I am late 40’s and have dated a lot in my life and knew he is the only one for me. We got back together, I told him I needed to slow down and what my restrictions were, we got back together both in better places and stronger than ever. We’ve been back together for over 2 years now and it’s amazing. I did wish we never had to have our split, we both met other people who we hurt in that time and I regret that. I do wish we had met when we were ready but to be honest I don’t think we would of ever been. We don’t like being alone and we both bounce into another relationship without healing from the last and that seems the way we are. We are lucky to have each other now, he have the relationship we always wanted and the hurt from the beginning was worth it. But it took time, I wouldn’t be saying the same 2 years ago, or even 18 months ago as was all still raw.
Every one is different, he is likely to go back Early on given the chance but you need to risk asses the situation, is he worth the risk of a broken heart?
Anyone can hurt you at any time. You could be with some one “ready” who still cheats or leaves for the next best thing, it’s something you’ll never know.

Best of luck

Run, run for the hills! He should not be burdening you with this. Some of the language you have said he uses is similar to how things started with my abusive ex. "Say we'll always be friends" "I know I shouldn't treat you like this but......" " I really like/love/am into you but here's a hurtful text I sent my ex about whether we should have split". Please put yourself first and leave him. He has friends so is not alone and he can always see his GP for a referral to a counsellor.

You deserve more!