Page 3 | Age gap relationship

Lozzi23 · 2020-10-14T17:46:45+00:00

I’m 14 years older than my partner, just wondered how many other relationships have an age difference and how you feel about it?

AlternativePerspective · 15/10/2020 07:29

please don't suggest that my child is in danger. That's a horrible thing to say. My partner loves his child. But how can a parent who sees nothing wrong with a 25 year old hitting on a sixteen year old possibly safeguard her teenager against the creepy men who prey on kids of these age?

It’s not about the partner being a risk to the child, but all the other men who she clearly sees no issue with.

And FWIW I don’t think this is an attack on ThirstyThirsty but on her creepy partner who saw nothing wrong with hitting on a child. and yes, sixteen is a child.

DillonPanthersTexas · 15/10/2020 07:45

So this thread has quickly turned into an attack on thirsty thirsty

In fairness it was always going to raise eyebrows. I have a 15 year old neice, I know for a fact that if a mid 20s man started to show a romantic interest in her my sister, BIL and myself would be thinking WTF. No matter how 'mature for your age' you think you are at that age there is a huge power imbalance. Seriously, how can someone who has just finished their GCSEs and is living at home with their folks be seen as emotionally equal to a 26 year old man who has way more life experience and financial clout then a school girl.

If one of my peer group in my mid 20s started to date a school girl and was bringing her down the pub to meet us I would be pulling him to one side and asking what the fuck is he playing at and I would be reevaluating how I view him. It might have been normal 500 years ago but not so much now.

PurBal · 15/10/2020 07:48

My husband is only 7 years older but I've been in a few age gap relationships. Having read through re: @thirstythirsty's story and the reaction to it, it makes me interested. That gap could be worrisome but it sounds like their relationship has worked out. Where is the line between ok and not ok? Scenario 1: I know of a teacher who was asked to leave after sleeping with a sixth former, he was an NQT and she was 18 but as he was in a position of authority this was obviously a big concern despite the gap being the same as my husband and me. Scenario 2. my university lecturer left his wife and child for a student in my year after having an affair with her, probably around a 25 year gap. Scenario 3. At 18 I dated someone with a 17 year gap for about 2 years. He was actually someone who worked at my former school though he never taught me and we never came across each other. Whilst the relationship didn't work out he is still a dear friend now I'm 30. I guess my point / question is that does a day make a difference (between the ages of 17 and 18) or is it "bigger picture". @thirstythirsty seems to be happy. shrug

Songsofexperience · 15/10/2020 08:05

purbal
I guess context is everything and every relationship is different but all 3 of your scenarios have the potential to be really toxic. Why run the risk? The emotional scars are likely to be felt most by the younger party- but it can also be quite destructive to both.

LunaNorth · 15/10/2020 08:13

My DH is 15 years older than me. We are absolute soulmates, I love the bones of him, we have a fantastic sex life, laugh every day and he makes me feel like a teenager.

My XH is 3 years older than me. He was a weight around my neck, was crap in bed, and by the end of the marriage I was resenting his food for keeping him alive.

🤷🏼‍♀️

thirstythirsty · 15/10/2020 08:14

@DillonPanthersTexas my DP was living at home at the time too, he had been living with a friend but that didn't work so had been back home for a year or so.

I was 15 when we first started talking, didn't actually meet until I was 16. He would travel to me every weekend at first until I was ready to introduce him to my parents and after that I we would alternate weekends of travelling.

There was never anything Pervy or creepy about our relationship. I'm not saying that if my (imaginary) daughter turned to me at 16 and said I've started dating a 25 year old I would be thrilled but I wouldn't stop her.

@PurBal I agree it's completely on a couple by couple basis. As long as no one is been forced and are not underage then I don't see a problem. Two of age people consenting to a sexual relationship just like someone who is 35 and 45.

DrMorbius · 15/10/2020 08:28

Quite Frankly Op, you have just illustrated the issue. You are claiming that a 16 - 25 yr old relationship is no different than a 35 - 45 yr old's relationship. Two of age people consenting to a sexual relationship just like someone who is 35 and 45
For anyone who has (or knows) 16 year olds, that is fundamentally not true. At 16 my DD's were children, with no life knowledge. At 25 they are both post university, post extensive gap year travelling and much more.
No way would I have allowed a 25 year old near them at 16.

Rainbowx · 15/10/2020 09:34

My DH is 19 years older than me Together 14 years never really had a problem with it

Grobagsforever · 15/10/2020 09:41

@UnaCorda

I say that as a mum of girls...

Why do you have to be a "mum of girls" - or boys - to see that relationship between a 16-year-old and a 25-year-old is concerning?

@UnaCorda

Because I find 25 year old men grinning 16 year old children online upsetting and worrying.

UnaCorda · 23/10/2020 10:50

Because I find 25 year old men grinning 16 year old children online upsetting and worrying.

@Grobagsforever - But you wouldn't find it upsetting and worrying if you were a mum of boys? Or not a mum?

MrsVogon · 23/10/2020 11:05

@DrMorbius I totally agree with you. If a 25yr old went near my DD when she was 16yrs old, I'd have been totally seeing them off with a pitchfork. I'm not joking.

To answer the OP, the biggest age gap relationship I was in was with my ex who was 7 years younger (we were in our 30s so no teen grooming here). Mind you, people thought I was the younger one as I look much younger than my age. Either way, he was very immature emotionally and ended up being a being a hybrid of a manchild and Victor Meldrew. My now DP is just a few years older than me and we are definitely more compatible.

Grobagsforever · 23/10/2020 11:10

@UnaCorda

Because I find 25 year old men grinning 16 year old children online upsetting and worrying.

@Grobagsforever - But you wouldn't find it upsetting and worrying if you were a mum of boys? Or not a mum?

@UnaCorda

Yes sorry, I misread the post!

A 25 year old man gromming a 15 year old child should concern everyone.

I simply meant I found it particularly upsetting as I have girls and am distressed at the thought of it happening to my girls. My eldest is ten, only 5 years younger than when thirstythirsty was first approached.

Littleideasbigbook · 23/10/2020 11:17

My very recent ex got together with his ex at 17. She was 35 and had a son a ear younger than him. She still harasses him now (why we have broken up). She moulded him and still thinks she controls him and he doesn't know how to deal with her at all. She has screwed his development to have a normal, equal relationship.

Cheeseandwin5 · 23/10/2020 11:52

@thirstythirsty

I dont understand the knocking of Thirsty's DH.
She obviously has a man who treats her well and they both love each other.
It seems that people have already decided such relationships are wrong and as such all men who do it are villain's, while I do understand it could be potentially worrying, in this case ( and many other cases) it is fine.
Thirsty keeps saying she is happy and that her parents are also now, so why don't ppl just accept and wish them well.

thirstythirsty · 23/10/2020 11:56

@Cheeseandwin5 thank you. I understand it might be frowned upon but I was never in any danger and now over 10 years on we are very happy.

Grobagsforever · 23/10/2020 12:44

[quote Cheeseandwin5]@thirstythirsty

I dont understand the knocking of Thirsty's DH.
She obviously has a man who treats her well and they both love each other.
It seems that people have already decided such relationships are wrong and as such all men who do it are villain's, while I do understand it could be potentially worrying, in this case ( and many other cases) it is fine.
Thirsty keeps saying she is happy and that her parents are also now, so why don't ppl just accept and wish them well.[/quote]
@Cheeseandwin5

You must have missed the part where thirsty explained she was a child went he started pursuing her.

Thirsty might well be happy, I truly hope she is. Perhaps her DH was just very young for age/development, who knows.

But we cannot EVER normalise what he did. We literally have laws to prevent it.