Age gap relationship

[Lozzi23]

I’m 14 years older than my partner, just wondered how many other relationships have an age difference and how you feel about it?

I was never groomed. Please do not paint him to be some kind of pedophile because he is not. He didn't take me away from my family and friends, it made more sense for me to move at 18 once I'd finished my a levels while he had a stable job and once I moved I got a job and made new friends. My family visited every couple of weeks and we spoke daily, we now live back in my home town because I had some health problems and wanted to be closer to my family. My name is on the mortgage because like I say it's our house. We get married early next year.

@Grobagsforever what do you mean if it's real? Why would I lie about any do it? I'm proud of our relationship and how much we have overcome to get to where we are today!

@thirstythirsty

I was with a 26 year old at 16. It was a fabulous relationship. Some people won't understand and will be judgemental straight away. Ignore them.

@ScarMatty thank you! I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else.

@thirstythirsty another who says don’t worry about those judging you. I was 17 when I met my exH and he was nearly 27 so the same age gap as you - it was NOT in any way a false, groomed or abusive relationship. We were together 10 years, married, had a child, and eventually split for reasons that, although difficult and painful, had nothing to do with the age gap. Keep being happy 😃

@Iamclearlyamug that's lovely (not that you split obviously) but that you had many happy years even though your husband clearly groomed you and forced you into a long term relationship...

I got together with my 2nd DH when I was 38 and he was 52.
I had primary aged kids and he had secondary aged ones.
At that age, and having both been previously married, and with not too much of a difference between our kids ages (all still dependant) we were at similar life stages.
I never felt the age difference.

I think age differences show more at the earlier and later stages of life. Whem one is still a child and the other an adult. When one hits retirement age and the other is potentially at the peak of their career. When one becomes old, whereas the other is only middle aged. Becoming a carer etc.

In my case DH2 developed cancer at 58 and died at 59, so I was widowed a few months before my 45th birthday.
I don't for one minute regret our time together, although it saddens me that it was a relatively short period.

[quote Iamclearlyamug]**@thirstythirsty another who says don’t worry about those judging you. I was 17 when I met my exH and he was nearly 27 so the same age gap as you - it was NOT in any way a false, groomed or abusive relationship. We were together 10 years, married, had a child, and eventually split for reasons that, although difficult and painful, had nothing to do with the age gap. Keep being happy 😃[/quote]
@Iamclearlyamug

No one is judging you or @thirstythirsty

We are judging the adults who started relationships with minors.

Better put my tin hat on for this one! There is 21 years between me and DH. Together for 12 years, married for 8. I am 32, he is 53. Very happy.

There are 21 years between us... 🤦‍♀️

I am also 14 years older than my partner. She has been mature and patient enough to deal with my baggage from the previous relationship and understand that I have children who come first. I would also do anything for her. Our differences are not in age but in life experiences (she doesn't yet have kids). I am just a bit younger than OP so about to enter menopause hell!

21 years is fine as long as you accept the reality.
Statically your DH will die before you reach his age.
You will be condemned to spending 30-40% of your life alone or pursuing a second long term relationship(s) in your 50's.

@thirstythirsty

9 years difference. Don't mind it at all. I'm 26 he's 35 and have been together over 10 years!

So a 25 year old man was having a relationship with a 15/16 year old girl?!

Sorry but that's just sick on his part If you have children with him please please please be careful and safeguard them. Better to be safe than sorry.

All little children need to be taught their body belongs to them and that they should report any 'inappropriate' behaviour to their mum or guardian and that no 'secrets' should be kept.

If you're the much older one you have nothing to worry about.
If you're younger one, make sure you're entitled to the older ones pension.

@DrMorbius yep, it's possible. Is it likely? Who knows. His father lived to 92, his aunt 101. Conversely, my paternal grandmother died at 49, my maternal grandmother and mother have both had breast cancer. One of my best friends died at 31 of the same. I'm happy to take a risk, if you can call it that.

[quote lawandgin]@DrMorbius yep, it's possible. Is it likely? Who knows. His father lived to 92, his aunt 101. Conversely, my paternal grandmother died at 49, my maternal grandmother and mother have both had breast cancer. One of my best friends died at 31 of the same. I'm happy to take a risk, if you can call it that. [/quote]
Great response

I say that as a mum of girls...

Why do you have to be a "mum of girls" - or boys - to see that relationship between a 16-year-old and a 25-year-old is concerning?

18 years I'm 35 he's 53 doesn't bother either of us at all plus we both share the same sense of humour and can tell what each other is thinking.

@LilyWater please don't suggest that my child is in danger. That's a horrible thing to say. My partner loves his child.

I was 16 and almost leaving school I was not a young teenager.

Each to their own. Nothing wrong with it if you are comfortable. Would be way too much for me I'd also rather someone older than me instead of younger and only by a few years. But I don't think there's anything wrong with anyone else in an age gap relationship if they're happy.... But if you're asking here I guess there's a reason...

16 vs 25 is a serious power imbalance. Also, I think it’s likely that getting together with someone so much older at sixteen likely means that the sixteen year old has never been able to mature independently as they have already been brought into an adult world. Iyswim.

It’s different for kids who are both sixteen because they mature together. But at sixteen the child would be brought into the world of adults straightaway and expected to be and act as a twenty something year old.

IMO they will never have an equal relationship even if that relationship lasts for a number of years.

@AlternativePerspective can I ask why you think there would be a serious power imbalance even now 10 years on? We both work full time, both our names on the house, both do equal house work/ childcare. He does his hobby a couple of times a month I do mine every week. We both have our own group of friends as well as shared friends which we are able to see as and when we want (pre covid). There isn't anything imbalanced and there never has been.

@DrMorbius

My rule is double digits is to big. 9 years absolute maximum.

I have to laugh thirstythirstythanks! that’s great to hear that you would take comfort from a relationship that has a 25 year old going out with a 16 year old. I shudder to think where you draw the line.

I know, I thought that! Apparently it’s been over ten years so it could well be a 24 year old man who got with a fifteen year old child Even if it’s 25 and 16 that’s horrific.

So this thread has quickly turned into an attack on thirsty thirsty.
14 years between DH and me, OP. I'm 48 now and he's 62. I just never feel the age difference.

I am 66 DW 73 do not think about age difference it is just a number married 37yrs. love and compatibility is the key.