Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He broke my heart after 10 years.

30 replies

LLois · 13/10/2020 23:06

My partner tried to kiss my best friend and she rang me the day after saying she pushed him away and he begged her not to tell me. He said she was lying and they both kissed each other then realised what they had done. I ended my 10 year relationship and 8 year friendship because I didnt trust what either one of them was saying. Fast forward 3 months and my life is a mess. I'm on a high prescription of antidepressants trying to block out how rubbish my life is. My sleeping is getting to a point where I'm having 2 hours sleep a night if I'm lucky. Sleeping pills don't work. Mother in law gave me some codeine and I'm pretty sure I'm now addicted to them now to. I cant adjust to having none of the people I love and it l hurts so bad. 12 months ago I had everything and now it's just gone. I let him back to our home last week and I did message my friend but she has made it clear she has moved on and I have to respect that. She was just such a big part of my life and I have lost her she was more like family than anyone to both me and my children. I miss her 💔 I know he's lying I can see the guilt across his face every day. He sees me broken and he knows the friendship he ruined but he still will not change his story. I allowed him home because I love him. I didnt do anything wrong and I certainly never acted like I wanted another man. He has ruined me and as much as I do love him, I don't think he quite feels the same anymore. We went through so much for our boys and i really don't know life without him. What do I do? I've never had a job he's always been the earner. I met him at 16, college drop out and he was 21. Been together ever since he was my first love and now its turning into dust. I feel sad and so down for my babies. I love my family and I have always cheshired every moment. Is it now time to cherish my own happiness because one thing is absolutely certain is im not happy and hes not helping.

OP posts:
Eekay · 13/10/2020 23:13

Yes, it IS time to cherish your own happiness. You don't need permission to end this marriage if that's what you want to do.

seensome · 14/10/2020 15:15

Just because you've been together along time doesn't mean to have you false yourself a future with him, he will always be your children's dad, perhaps you could split on friendly terms and accept this relationship is well and truly grown out of.
Is it possible to find a job so you are not so reliant on him? Get your ducks in a row and plan a future that you want to live.

workhomesleeprepeat · 14/10/2020 15:23

Just because you’ve let him back in doesn’t mean he can’t go back out again! Just for your own independence, you should try and look for a job. Once you realise how capable you are of looking after yourself it will be easier to ask him to go

Sorry about your friend. It’s very sad, but it’s good you realize that there might be no going back. I had similar from a friend - her bf groped me and tried to kiss me, I told her right away but she chose to believe him Sad in the long term though, I don’t blame her because her bf was not a good guy

Vari757 · 14/10/2020 15:58

If you know he is lying and she is telling the truth, why are you allowing him back in your life and not her? Doesn't make sense.

LLois · 14/10/2020 16:11

Was never ever like that. She rang me to tell me what happened. I questioned him and he gave a different story to hers and none of them made sense. I told her what he had said and she wouldn't talk to me she just ignored me and now says that was out of anger to him lying.

I have not forgiven him ive clearly stated I miss my friend. I messed up by not taking her word for it I know that

OP posts:
Astella22 · 14/10/2020 16:12

Ask yourself what advise you would give someone else in this case. He will do this again and again and again to you. Leave now or leave later......time to be happy I think

WB205020 · 14/10/2020 17:29

None of us know back stories etc. or what your friendship was like with her but i assume you were close, based on how much you say you miss her. I also think its pretty clear to see who was telling the truth OP.

As far as your ex-friend is concerned when she phoned you to tell you what he did then he gave a different account you chose to believe him over her and ended your friendship. As a result she wants nothing to do with you or him.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and i completely get why in a situation where something like that has happened it will tear you apart with doubt over who is telling the truth. Their actions afterwards speak volumes OP. Your partner is a sh!t......tell him to f**k off now before he destroys more of your friendships.

LLois · 14/10/2020 17:52

If it was as easy as him going then he would of stayed gone. I took him back for my kids and that is wrong on so many levels I know, but that was my only reason for trying. He kept on threatening to end his life saying there was no point living it without me and his kids in it every day. Completely disregarded my feelings and pushes them to the back of his mind well he goes to work. Then comes back and goes to sleep. We had the best relationship, sex life, holidays, family events and our kids have always been happy. In 12 months every part of that has changed and I now find myself crying as soon as the school run is done. All I want is my friend to understand how sorry I am I believed the wrong person and I know that but my life and mental health matters to I dont know how to live adult life without him 😔

OP posts:
ladamanera · 14/10/2020 18:14

I’d send her this thread and apologise, and say that it’s not that you didn’t trust her, it’s that you were so frightened about your world falling apart. Leave the ball in her court but say while it will take time to leave him given how much he’s part of your life, you do believe her, always did really, you’d love a hug and applaud her bravery in telling you.

WB205020 · 14/10/2020 19:10

Forget texts phone calls and emails. Write her a letter. Handwritten letters are so much more personal and thought out. Explain how you feel and and how much you regret what’s happened. Don’t make it short and sweet but don’t make it 10 pages either. Put some thought into what you want to say and convey your apology to her. It may not work but before you even do that ditch him. If you don’t it will be a pointless exercise.

Eslteacher06 · 14/10/2020 19:11

Christ....she was the one in the wrong but somehow got you begging for forgiveness?

Scweltish · 14/10/2020 19:21

Of course your friend was telling the truth! She didn’t have to tell you anything, no way would your partner have brought it up if she hadn’t said anything! She made the horrible decision of having to let you know what your piece of shit boyfriend was up to, and you accused her of lying and threw everything back in her face. I wonder which friend your boyfriends gonna try it on with next? Though guaranteed you won’t hear about this one, because everyone will have seen how you treated the last friend who told you the truth

newnameforthis123 · 14/10/2020 19:45

@Eslteacher06

Christ....she was the one in the wrong but somehow got you begging for forgiveness?
I read it as she told OP that OP's partner had tried to kiss her. It was OP's partner who said they both kissed each other which OP now thinks was a lie he told to cover his arse. I don't think her friend has done anything wrong.
AgentJohnson · 14/10/2020 19:54

I know it’s hard but you can’t go back. Life has changed and fighting it only makes it harder.

You can get through this but having him around will make it impossible and as long as he’s around there’s not a hope in hell that your friend will ever make up with you.

MsKeats · 14/10/2020 19:59

Tell him he needs to move out and give you space.

Get counselling -build up YOUR external suppport.

Elieza · 14/10/2020 20:17

You took him back because you’ve never known anything else. You don’t want to be alone as it’s too daunting to start from scratch after all these years of security. Add to that you want your children to have their dad in their lives and it’s easy to tell him he can return. It’s the easy option.

However I think it’s time to look at your life and make the changes you need. Like finances, do you have a job. Housing, whose name is the house in etc. Looking after children, who would get custody and how long, 50/50 or something else.

Time to get prepared. I chose freedom. I made the right choice for me. It’s up to you to make whatever is the right decision for you. I think you already know what you want to do as you don’t trust him.

BaronessWrongCrowd · 14/10/2020 20:42

Please see the doctor re the codeine. Don't try and kick it on your own. I know this from experience. Thanks

LLois · 14/10/2020 20:54

I'm sorry but I don't need your hate right now I genuinely hate myself as it is. I get Id wrong and my focus now is making things right in my life for my children. I know i fucked up do you think im oblivious? I didnt just dis believe her she had cheated on her partner of 4 years twice in the last 12 months. Each one of the men she slept with was in a relationship and one was separated from his wife who it later came out she was her sons teaching assistant! I had her back for almost 8 years she was overcome with depression and anxiety I pulled her up and made sure she had her life together. When she told me what happened i didn't want to believe it. Do you think I wanted to loose everyone ? Or for my children to see me so broken ? I posted for advise and help on overcoming the shit path I've set myself. My health is getting worse by the day and I have absolutely nothing but these boys keeping me and right now I'm trying to make them my main focus but I'm struggling

OP posts:
LLois · 14/10/2020 20:58

Three men since last June, 1 separated from his wife who now hates her and makes her school runs unbearable and the other 2 was in relationships! I was rambling then 🤦‍♀️ guess it my own karma for having herback

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 14/10/2020 21:02

I don’t know what to say, OP.
You are 26, have never worked and am not sure if you are married to the father of your children. It’s quite vulnerable position to be in and even if you didn’t have all the above issues - I’d say you need to figure some plan. I presume your kids aren’t babies anymore - so you can go and train for some profession.

As to the rest.... I am looking at it from a different phase of life. I am almost twice your age and it seems to me that what you are going through is quite common in relationships that started very early. You were a teenager and he - barely an adult. Normally these relationships don’t survive and for a good reason. People grow up and change a lot. And usually people play around and explore before settling down. You two have skipped that phase. It often catches up with people, around your age and length of relationship....
I think it’s extremely difficult, if not impossible - to go through life with just one partner. Never wondering what it feels like to be with others.

However, it didn’t go that far, it was only a kiss... And who knows what really happened. Was alcohol involved, for eg.
I will get a lot of flak for it - but in reality - most people wouldn’t end a relationship over a kiss - not where there is a long history, and children involved.

People make mistakes. He made one. Have you tried to figure out what lead to it and try to see if you can move from it together?
You had quite an extreme reaction and you seem to be only getting worse - have you tried speaking to a professional?
And have you thought about couples counselling?

When people are younger - you tend to see things as extremely black/white. Which comes through very strongly in your post. Life doesn’t work this way, not over a long term.

scottishlass123 · 14/10/2020 21:10

You have not made a 'shit path' for yourself. You have been put in a terrible position. Your husband is to blame. You did not know who to believe which is understandable as your friend has form for being unfaithful with married men. You're stuck between two people who you love telling you different stories. None of this is your fault. It will take time for you to make a final decision as to whether you can forgive your partner and move on together. You are still very young, you have a long life ahead of you, do you think you can really trust your husband and be happy again? As for your friend, you tend to believe she is telling the truth over your husband, but can you be 100% sure? It will be difficult for you to try and maintain your friend and relationship at the same time. You have been put in an impossible situation. But you and your children deserve better. You need to grieve for what has happened to you and time heals all wounds. Take care.

Elieza · 14/10/2020 21:29

Nobody is giving you hate.

Everyone feels for you. You are in this position because someone you loved and trusted betrayed you and did something they shouldn’t have.

You can’t blame yourself for that. This is your chance to work out what you want. Get financially independent of him so you can leave if you want.

And don’t listen to his empty threats about killing himself if you leave. I don’t believe he would leave his kids without a father. He’s emotionally blackmailing you.

LLois · 14/10/2020 22:59

Honestly thank you everyone.
Like I said I don't know why I actually wrote this I just needed to get it out, Im in such a daze and I know il get there I just can't adjust right now and its all so raw I cant stop the emotions. My eldest is 8 youngest has just turned 2. Eldest has hypeganglionosis which not a single doctor in the UK could diagnose so its been a hard relationship in that respect he had a lot of surgeries at great ormond Street hospital which ment one was on the ward one was in the hotel next door. We always had so much love for other and I never doubted him. My friend was the same. Some nights I would spend 3 straigjt week's at the hospital and othet half would be in the hotel. He would send me home and take over because i was exhausted (my boy wanted mummy always has). I didnt have my licence at this point i was getting the train to Manchester on my own and she would always be there. Day, night. She was my number 1 and I know il never have another one of her ive messed up not trusting her straight away.
He was drinking from 2pm in the beer garden (2nd August it was 30°) until midnight. When i confronted him I genuinely did believe him. He was a good liar that day and I was the worlds biggest fool. I didnt want this never ever have I doubted him but apparently the 10 years was bullshit and I didnt know him at all 🤷‍♀️

I'm going to do my access to higher education course in college and hopefully get started on becoming a Vetinary Nurse. I have my horse who keeps me busy but he will unfortunately have to be sold as he's a finance I wont be able to carry on solely. Thank you everyone. Your messages have really opened up my eyes x

OP posts:
Josuk · 14/10/2020 23:29

OP. So - you turned your life upside down over a drunken kiss? Why?

He was drinking from 2-midnight in the heatwave. And then did something stupid. I am surprised he even remembered.

With everything on your plate - did you not think about giving him some benefit of a doubt. Drunk people can do all sorts of stupid things. Was one mistake really it? Seems harsh.

As to your friend - you seem to go from judging her for her affairs - to saying how close she was to you. It’s a strange relationship.

LLois · 14/10/2020 23:53

@Josuk

OP. So - you turned your life upside down over a drunken kiss? Why?

He was drinking from 2-midnight in the heatwave. And then did something stupid. I am surprised he even remembered.

With everything on your plate - did you not think about giving him some benefit of a doubt. Drunk people can do all sorts of stupid things. Was one mistake really it? Seems harsh.

As to your friend - you seem to go from judging her for her affairs - to saying how close she was to you. It’s a strange relationship.

Does that make it acceptable? Because he was drinking? I could accept it if it was a drunken mistake with a stranger maybe. But with her? For the first few years they didn't get on and I was constantly in the middle. And yes thats right. She did have affairs so why shouldn't I mention that have I not said enough of my own life being a joke don't need you to tell me that. Asif I could possibly have the right to judge when I've fucked up personally. I need advise not your criticism it wasn't me who turned my life upside down 👍
OP posts: