I need help finding a private detective/investigator

[IKnowIKnowDontBollockMe]

This is obviously a name change!
Basically, I really need to know whether OH is being a slapper on lads nights out.

I'd like to know if he goes to lap dancing clubs, well I know he does but he denies it, and I'd like to know if he actually 'gets off with' other women.

I'd like to hire a private detective for one of these nights, but have no idea where to look or what to look for, or how much it would cost etc etc. I'd be so grateful for any practical help on that front

Don't bother telling me how shit my relationship must be and how it's not the right way of doing things because I know that already

I write in here about something sensitive, and omit a smiley, and you become abusive, well frankly I couldn;t give a toss what you think, but many thanks to other posters

OK, waste your money then. I don't care. It'll cost hundreds, DH will lie and you'll be back here pissing and moaning about how he lied to you again.

Good luck.

what is it with mumsnet the last couple of days!

sex lines

lapdancing clubs

porn

masturbation

losing sex toys in teen son's ed

am sorry that you don;t trust your DH

what will you do if you find out he is getting off with other women?

are you prepared for the end of your marriage or serious repercussions

or him being blameless and being outraged at the lack of trust

playing with fire IMO , better going to relate

I believe PIs are very expensive. I would be more tempted to get a close friend do the deed. Or could you follow him yourself? At a distance and in disguise of course.

*bed, no ed !

Sorry but each to there own, i don't think people should be explaining why it is a waste of time etc etc, if IKnowIKnow wants to do this & has the funds to it why not just help her find someone?

If your truly think it would help then maybe google the internet or have a look through yell.com, make sure you know what your doing, if the outcome is YES he is doing these things what are you going to do with the information?

Well when I used one I got exactly the information I needed and then was able to use it to my advantage when the time was appropriate. A picture does say a hundred words, as do phone records, copies of emails, leters etc

honeytrap uk

try these. (have no experience of anything like this, but just did a google search for you. alternatively, can you hire a big bruiser to knock some sense into him )

Wow, thanks bs, that's exactly what I need

Sorry to keep posting unhelpful stuff, but...

...is there a possibility that a previously innocent guy could be flattered and then mistakenly caught out by those honey trap folk? Maybe he's not usually prone to chatting to women but, isn't it a bit like entrapment?

Better to spend your money on someone who follows him being his natural self than encouraging what may not be natural behaviour?

Personally I would like a hacker

then when someone annoys me I could get them to hack into their sites and post evil things about them hehehe
where do I get one?

sorry, but it sounds like it will end up like a story in Take a Break et al
private investigator spearmint whatshit..

go talk and relate..get ready to move on to new life together ..or apart..

imho you are wasting your money..

I have used Salgaldo Investigations in the past. They are based in Croydon so not too far and will do surveillance work I believe. I used them for a commercial/business 'issue' but he was very helpful and professional.

If you google him, you will find him.

I think you probably know that your DH is cheating on you but just need that final bit of conclusive evidence no?

I would say go for it, at least then you can walk away from the f*er and know you did the right thing.

Good luck!

Hey everyone, she has tried marriage councilling at it didn't work. Go easy on her.

I agree with avoiding the honey trap people though for a number of reasons.

Use a PI if you have to, then put him out of your life and move on.

the web site says they do simple surveillance work, I wouldn't dream of doing the actual 'honey trap'. i need to know what he's up to, not 'force' him to get up to something

PI expensive, but I can see exactly why you'd want the proof.

Me and h went to relate and he lied the whole way through. What a waste of money!

If I'd known the truth, at least the counsellor would have had half a chance at helping us. Even knowing about the affair I'd have wanted to stay and try to work through it. As it was, the counsellor was helping us solve the wrong issues (iyswim) because he failed to mention the OW involved!

Don't think trying to trap him or trick him into doing something is the way to go. That proves nothing. But knowing what he gets up to completely of his own accord may help you.

You have to first decide what you will do with the information once you have it. Will proof make you leave? Or will proof give you the full picture so that you have half a chance of working on putting things right?

I'd follow him for you!!

thanks sabrina, will have a look in to them too

x posts
simple surveillance work sounds good

baffy, thanks.
i don't think he's having an actual affair, but he isn't honest with me; I know he goes to strip clubs and lies about it, and I would like to know whether he is unfaithful on these lads nights out. I hope to find that he was not unfaithful to me, but that he did go to a strip club.

We will be going to counselling again, but can't see the point at all if we're dealing with the wrong issues, like you say.
I would use the info so that he is forced to start being more open, and with any luck this may precipitate a fundamental change in him/the relationship, or otherwise it could just clear up exactly the sort of relationship we have/will have. (By which

I would do this for you. If you click my profile you would see I am a counsellor.

Before I retrained as a counsellor my exhusband did all sorts of stuff and I was younger/more naive and I could never 'catch' him on anything. I was tied up in knots with not believing him and being conned by him. It took me a long time to sort myself out, get divorced, retrain/have therapy myself, get married again.

If I had faced up to what was going on earlier I may have had an easier time. It sounds like you are willing to face up to the fact that he may be lying to you.

My ex worked in the city as well, kept his life totally seperate, never met his work colleagues......never went to firm do's. All contributed to him finding it easier to 'compartmentalize' his life.

If you are serious I will do it for you (you can cover the train fare if you want).

you can still consider counselling after (obviously not with me ), no matter what you learn.

you are hoping to find that he is telling you lies?

Surely not!

IknowIknowDontBollockMe, can I just throw an apology in, please?

I'm sorry that I abused you and upset or angered you. It was childish of me, won't happen again.

how do you know he goes to lap-dancing clubs if you have no proof and he denies it?

because he tells me he hasn't been for years, and then it turns out it was less than a year ago or something, and at that time he was saying that he hasn;t been for years etc etc. I know a couple of friends of his are really in to them, and it is also part of his work culture, and unavoidable (?)on some marketing events. I have never shown that I'm angry with him about this but find the secrets really really frustrating. It means that my feelings about it can never be discussed, since effectively they don't exist.

CD I don't actually hope that he's lying to me, I know he lies to me about this, and if I do actually go the route of paying someone to find out for me, then I don't want it to be on the one sodding night he doesn't go. I need facts and evidence since he clearly doesn't place a high imortance upon 'the truth' without them.