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Original poster

He may have used an escort

48 replies

Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 15:13

Background exh chested on me for years without me
Knowing left me and dd living in my parents in one room
For over a year until I got back in my feet.

Meet my current partner and all was great at start so loving so caring we now have two ds of our own both under 2 so quite stressful. He treats dd like his own 100%.

We have had a few ups and downs this year money and family issues. He went on a stag last month and while he was there I seen in his emails he has signed up to an escort site for that city. I pulled him
Right away and he said they were looking for a stripper for the stag. The next morning I seen he sent himself £200 out of the cc to his account but he didn't lift it. We spoke when he cane home and he was adamant it was just banter with the lads.

This morning I took an urge to look at his phone and there it was a message to an escort asking her price £150 and if she was free. Her address was given but he didn't reply. He went mad when I confronted him and said he didn't go all the lads were texting. At the time he was texting her he was also texting me and also rang me in bed a few mins later and we spoke for half hour.

I don't have good self esteem. His reaction today I couldn't tell if it was guilt or anger at being accused. He won't discuss it further and has said he will leave if I do. I don't want my dd to go through a break up again and I don't want to 'share' my kids again. I honestly just feel so done trying to find love I feel like I should just plod along for financial security and giving the kids a 'family' and put all my efforts into the kids and if he cheats he cheats. He said I go in at him too much and 'no wonder everyone cheats on me'. I don't feel his story makes any sense either he used one or a mate did and he's covering

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 12/10/2020 15:18

He sounds shady as fuck. No wonder everyone cheats on you?! He's just looking for an excuse when it comes out that he cheated. Ltb

StephenBelafonte · 12/10/2020 15:20

Leave him. Putting up with that for financial reasons will make you feel awful in the future. Get angry - that remark about "everyone cheating on you" was disgusting.

woofwoof1880 · 12/10/2020 15:22

This morning I took an urge to look at his phone and there it was a message to an escort asking her price £150 and if she was free. Her address was given but he didn't reply.

I don't understand this? Did she tell him her price was £150 and he asked if he could get a free go? If so, it doesn't sound like he had any serious intention of meeting her.

I'd also imagine that phoning his wife while arranging a meeting with a hooker might be a passion killer too.

Original poster
Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 15:23

No asking was she available not free for a go

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 15:27

His words were 'do you have a spot free' and she replied yes and sent her address

OP posts:
Dogssox · 12/10/2020 15:35

Fuck that. I'd be furious even if he had been messaging just for "a laugh".
Without trust the relationship is doomed and you're just prolonging it by ignoring. The damage is done now. Ltb

Original poster
Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 15:38

I'm so worried about my DD they are very close and her own df won't let them see each other if we break up (he's very nasty even now even though she lives with my partner) she took mine and her dads break up bad I'm sick with worry how this would affect her and having to leave another home.

I also am bankrupt from my first marriage (he kept the house did a right number on me) so I won't be able to get us anywhere to rent and it may be back to my parents which she hated

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 12/10/2020 15:40

no wonder everyone cheats on me

This is emotional/verbal abuse.

Redannie118 · 12/10/2020 15:44

Strippers are reputable people. There are dozens of stripper agencies on google for stag parties etc. To say he was looking for a stripper on a escort website is utter bullshit.

woofwoof1880 · 12/10/2020 15:54

How long have you been living with him? You obviously looked at his phone because you had suspicions.

Is it a deal breaker if he cheated with someone else? Or is the issue is it was with a prostitute? Do you want him to admit it and you both work on the relationship? Or is it over in your eyes?

If you can't leave due to children or financial reasons, then you might have to put your trust in him and believe what he has told you.

workhomesleeprepeat · 12/10/2020 15:57

Urgh he sounds awful! He actually said no wonder you have been cheated on?? What a Prince Hmm

I can see why you want to preserve some stability for your DD, but she might be better off not being around a man who says nasty things to her mum and lies about paying for sex.

I’m sorry OP. Sounds like you’ve had a tough time previously. But I don’t think putting up with this man for the foreseeable future is the solution

Original poster
Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 15:58

I've just had a strange feeling since the stag and today I looked. Pretty stupid of him not to have deleted the messages which would make me
Also think he's texted while drunk and then forgot he done it as he can be like that. If he has done it he won't admit to it. I think he is a bit of a narcissist he never ever does anything wrong in his eyes.

I'm sitting today thinking can I make this family unit work but kind of detach from him emotionally I think I'm just a bit all over the place at the minute. He refuses to talk anymore about it as that's just me 'accusing' him

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 12/10/2020 15:58

He won't discuss it further and has said he will leave if I do

That would tell me everything I needed to know. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life putting up and shutting up??

workhomesleeprepeat · 12/10/2020 15:59

@Redannie118

Strippers are reputable people. There are dozens of stripper agencies on google for stag parties etc. To say he was looking for a stripper on a escort website is utter bullshit.
Oh and this too. This is spot on. He is a liar OP, non of the strippers I know are escorts and vis versa.
Original poster
Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 16:04

I'm shocked to as he knows I know al his passwords email phone etc and there seems to have been no trying to cover his tracks

OP posts:
workhomesleeprepeat · 12/10/2020 16:07

@Isitme89

I'm shocked to as he knows I know al his passwords email phone etc and there seems to have been no trying to cover his tracks
I think this means he either doesn’t care about being caught, or knows that even if you do catch him you’ll just accept his ‘explanation’ or he can shut you down by refusing to engage as he is doing now.

Look he either thinks you’ll swallow whatever bullshit he says, or he doesn’t actually care if you leave. Either way it’s not great, sorry

Original poster
Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 16:11

It isn't great I know the respect is gone. I actually feel broken today I know that sounds so dramatic but I don't think I have the strength like I did before to pull myself up and dust myself off. My exh left me a shell of my former self and everyone was so impressed how I turned myself around and then I met DP and it was like all my dreams had come true. But the last 7 months he has been different not as affectionate he has stared saying nasty things about my family and in bed not loving at all.

I have no interest in meeting anyone else I am
Don't with relationships but I am so worried about my dd

OP posts:
Toilenstripes · 12/10/2020 16:18

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He’s shady af and hugely disrespectful. Your dd should know that you won’t tolerate this behaviour and that you have respect for yourself and love for her, and that’s the most important thing. You don’t need a shady af man to have a family. 💐

CuppaZa · 12/10/2020 16:25

He’s not good enough @Isitme89 Flowers

bumhead · 12/10/2020 17:48

He sounds like a horrible abusive arse and any man that thinks it's ok to pay a woman for sex has a disgusting lack of respect for women full stop.
He is shutting you down, he is not loving towards you, he says nasty things to you.
Any man that cheats on you - that's about them, not you!
You have done this before and you can do this again, LTB.
Moving to your DP might be hard going but you'll be living there for a short time while you get back on your feet, with your head held high, not cowed by a disgusting sex tourist.
Set your DD the very best example that her DM won't stand for the lies and deception of a cheating sleaze of a 'man' She will thank you for it when she is older and looks back on this time. I promise Flowers

Dollyrocket · 12/10/2020 17:49

Given your further comments about your DP and the changes in his treatment towards you, I think this is not someone I would want parenting my daughter.

Although it could be potentially traumatic for your home circumstances to change again, it would be more traumatic for your DD to see you stay in a miserable relationship with a man who has zero respect for women.

Elieza · 12/10/2020 18:01

Is it too late to sort out the finances from before with dc’s father? Can he legally be made to do anything, has that all been thoroughly investigated?

If only you had the money you could get away from this second Prince amongst men.

I know you don’t want to hurt your daughter but this guy is going to want to have sex with you and I wouldn’t trust him not to give you an std.

his refusal to discuss the matter further tells you all you need to know. He has no respect.

I don’t think I could stay with him. Have you looked into what accommodation would be available with the help of womens aid or shelter? Perhaps it’s not as dire as you think?

Original poster
Isitme89 · 12/10/2020 18:10

I have had a further hoke about his google history on his tablet and he searched for escorts when on a stag in Prague while I was pregnant with our last...i don't even want to confront him about this as I know he'll just shout at me for looking at his history. I am bankrupt for another three years no one will touch me with rent or credit my family are not well off at all and are in no position to help. I actually feel broken. I know it's done but I really can't leave yet

I could t go to a women's shelter the ones around here are not good at all

OP posts:
bebarkered · 12/10/2020 18:18

If he was contacting an escort to get a stripper for the stag do, why would she send him her address? The whole lot of them wouldn't be going to her place to watch her strip would they?!

Elieza · 12/10/2020 18:18

Have you gone on the shelter website? We had (possibly still have im not sure) a government scheme up here that pays your deposit so you can get a flat. Scotland.

There will be thousands in the same boat as you. Get on the shelter website or womens aid website or even citizens advice website and see what advice there is. Surely there must be some hope?

Good luck OP.