Blowing hot and cold

[angelofmum]

There's a married dad that lives a few doors away from me and our kids go to the same school and nursery. I'm also married and I'm the one that tends to do the school run so over the last four years or so I'd sometimes bump into him and we'd chat whilst walking the kids to school. We get on well and conversation is usually easy. In the last couple of months though he's blown really hot and cold.
Yesterday I bumped into him as he walks past my house so we walked to school together chatting, then he tailed off and started speaking to his kids so I walked on ahead as he made it clear he was done chatting. Today he walked past my house and kept his head down when he saw me and didn't even say hello. So bizarre! He'll mainly say hello and stop and chat when his kids and other parents aren't around and is as friendly as anything. On the school run these days he pretty much ignores me and pretends like I'm not there. I can't be bothered to play games with people especially those I consider to be a friend. I can't think how I would've upset him in any way and the chat is always about kids/life/work etc.. any one shed some light on this behaviour? I've started to ignore him now too as I find it quite hurtful not knowing where I stand with someone.

Blowing hot and cold is usually mentioned as a sign of an immature crush 😂

Yep reading this again sounds like he is avoiding you as he senses that you fancy him and feels awkward

So many people are struggling with their mental health right now, they can be in top form one day and crash the next.

Or some people have bad social anxiety or anxiety over their appearance...so while they might be social one day they hate being around people the next if the anxiety flares up!

The easiest way to deal with this is to just assume this is about him not you. These things almost always are about the other person. He may feel that it is necessary to re-establish some kind of boundary. He may just be completely preoccupied with other things. These are strange times. In your shoes, I would probably smile and say hello if we happened to encounter each other and not give it any further thought.

Thank you @Dery the best advice so far on this thread. Wise words and I will do that from now on.

@angelofmum

Thank you *@Dery* the best advice so far on this thread. Wise words and I will do that from now on.

If it is the guy you posted about previously than it's worth you getting some therapy to explore the deeper issues that are making you place importance on your interactions with him and think about why you're using up headspace on it. It's unhealthy and is likely to be transferred to someone else if you don't tackle the underlying cause.

It just sounds like you have a crush on him and are annoyed he isn't showing interest.

I think it's either what @user1481840227 said, he is struggling mentally or has his own problems or has social anxiety and as @Dery said its most likely about him not you.

Sometimes life can be overwhelming, you have no idea what could be going on in his life or marriage or with his kids. Be polite, if he wants to chat and you're happy to than do it, otherwise just a polite greeting and go on with your day and don't overthink it.

I'm not sure it is mental health as he speaks to the other School mums okay. He stares at me then puts his head down. If he's got no kids with him he'll come over to chat just fine. He also tells me personal things so I'm not just an acquaintance.
I don't have a crush on him but will be polite as I said from now on. I'm not a petty person and it's awkward living on the same road as someone if you're ignoring them (especially as we were once friends).

You are putting a great significance in this man, your interactions with him and his interactions with "other mums" - what about his interactions with men, or the postie? Do you monitor those too?

You are sounding almost obsessed with him and it's not healthy.

I'd say he's trying to put some distance between you. You are way over invested in him ( look at this thread !). Why do you care, he's a neighbour. If you are in RL like you are here, I'd say that he is trying to shake you off.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3933615-crush-getting-out-of-control

I’m guessing this is the married dad who lives down the road?

His wife has probably guessed you fancy him and has told him to stop talking to you.

well well

You're way too invested in someone you just talk to on the school run and that's an acquaintance, not a friend.

A friend is someone you arrange to meet up with, call, text, hang out with. This is just some person you used to chat to when you see each other. You're overstating your own importance here.

He could have other things going on, find you creepy or think you're flirting with him so pulling back so as not to give you - or anybody watching - the wrong impression.