Do quick relationships always end in disaster?

[daisydukes26]

Long time poster. Recent name change.

I have recently started seeing someone, we will call him Bob.

I have known Bob for many years, not really a friend, but an acquaintance .

My relationship with DC father ended 2 years ago. Bob has been single for a year.

We started messaging, which became frequent and lots of phone calls for hours. Everything felt relaxed and natural.

We met up for a drink a few weeks ago and have been in constant contact ever since.

Everything feels just right and just click and fit. Very similar interests/ morals/ life wants.

It is moving quickly, but it feel so right.

I don't think I am being 'love bombed'. I hear that expression a lot on here, but how does anyone actually know?

My question. Can quick relationships ever work ? Or is it just lust ?

"My question. Can quick relationships ever work ? Or is it just lust ?"

The fact is that you will only know if your quick relationship has worked if and when you get to spend at least a few years with this man. The same applies to any relationship. There are no guarantees.

Yes - there are people who meet and very quickly develop a strong bond (particularly if they already knew each other) and the relationship stays the course. Equally, there are people who very quickly develop a strong bond but the relationship collapses because the reality is much less satisfactory than the fantasy.

In the early days, the strong feelings and intense connections are built on fantasy perceptions which you have of each other. Those perceptions may be well-founded or they may be illusory and after you have been together for a while (say, 12-18 months), you will be much better placed to know whether your relationship works well on a real-life basis.

It all sounds great, though - so just enjoy it for now and hopefully as you get more familiar with each other, the reality will be just as pleasing as this phase.

I moved 200 miles to live near DH after dating him for 2.5 months. I had nothing to leave behind though. We've been together 10 years now.

I think it's luck as much as judgement as to whether it works out longer term if you get together quickly. Having said that more relationships than not don't last the distance and many of them would have started off slowly.

There are no guarantees. When I met my DH he ticked literally every red flag in the MN book(moved too fast, crazy ex accusing him of DV, homeless-poor bloke didn’t have much going for him), yet he’s the most loving, emotionally mature, supportive and adoring partner ever. I’m still baffled as to why she cheated on him because he’s utterly wonderful. I’m sure everyone looked on in horror as we got engaged and started trying for babies and moved in together ASAP. He’s still just as wonderful over 5 years on and we’ve been through a lot of stress in that time too with bereavement, health issues, redundancy, infertility, a homeless family member moving in...it’s not been easy. I just knew I’d found my soulmate that day I first laid eyes on him, and he would say the same.

Thank you for your lovely replies. It's nice to hear some success stories.

I have never felt more safe and secure as I do with 'Bob' Everything in my life 2 years ago was up in the air. But this year it has all fallen into place (home, job etc) and Bob' seems to be the last thing left.

Fingers crossed it works out and I am not making a huge mistake!

Of course no Matter how quickly bob and I develop, I will not introduce to DC until I am 100%.

I know a couple who said 'I love you' on the first day they'd met and got engaged a few months later - that was 7 years' ago and they are very happily married with children. It can happen quickly and successfully but it's very rare and obviously risky. My fiancé and I took things slower and that felt right for us.

I know someone that got married to her dh after knowing him for two months. She saw him at an event and he was playing with the children instead of drinking and hanging out with the other men and she said she knew she was going to marry him. And two months later she did.

30 years later and they are still like giddy newlyweds. Makes me jealous lol

I'm not sure it's count as quick but dh and I got engaged after about 6 months. We are still together almost 20 years later - were were fairly young though, teenagers. I never felt like something was missing from my life before then but again, maybe that was because of my age, however nothings ever been a big decision with us. Shall we move in together / move away/ get married / have kids we've just done it when it felt right.

Relationships can fail at any point! Just look at the threads on here - 'We have been together 20 years and out of the blue he's left!' That sort of thing. No one knows what's going to happen.

I got married at 16 after six months. Pretty crazy really, but all worked out in the end and very happy!

I met my DH in a nightclub

He came home with me that night and pretty much never left
We got married 3 months later
We have just celebrated 21 years of being married

We were married within a year and still going strong 11 years later so yes, I think they can. I felt confident as we agreed on all the big things, met (and liked!) each other's families and we were in our 30s. Neither of us had children though and would move slower if children are involved for their sake.

We got engaged after 3 weeks, and married about a year after we met. Just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary :)

I think some relationships move quickly because they are unhealthy, or one or both people don't have healthy boundaries, or much else happening in their lives. But sometimes relationships move quickly because they are right.

I'm not sure I'd think of dh and I have a 'quick-moving' relationship, but I guess we did - mid 20s at the time, we spent about 5 days out of 7 with each other to start, discussed marriage and children about 6 months in and started making plans. But we also met as expats in a non-English speaking country quite far from home, had all the same friends, etc. so we naturally spent a lot of time together from day 1, not because we didn't have full lives outside of each other. We got married almost 3 years to the day from meeting, which I don't think is particularly fast, but we were quite serious from a few months in.

It's been a happy 12 years together now and the healthiest, most normal relationship I've ever had. It all fell into place because it was right. So that definitely can happen.

What lovely, reassuring posts! Thank you all!

I am also reassured to see all these lovely posts of happy relationships, im feeling very burnt and suspicious about men lately and not hearing too many happy endings either.
Good luck OP, wishing you happiness!

DP and I moved fairly quickly. I had known him for a couple of months before we got together, initially as a one night thing with no idea what would happen. That first date lasted 9 hours and we didn't want to leave each other even then. After that we were inseparable and we both said I love you weeks later.

We're now coming up to a couple of years and things are great! There have heen ups and downs as life hasn't always been easy but it's shown us how strong we are and it just always felt right. I've never loved anyone the way I love DP and he feels the same. It's just different to what either of us have previously experienced, in a good way.

I'd been friends with DH for a couple of years... work buddies really. One June day, my neighbour knocked on my door to tell me there was a bouquet and a letter outside. It was from my 'colleague' writing about his feelings for me. I felt the same way about him! We were incredibly professional at work and to be honest, I had no inkling that he fancied me and I was sure he had no clue I felt the same way, but in hindsight, we were always having little chats (nothing flirty, to be honest), working well together. I just felt great when I was in his space and we always found a reason to be in each other's space at work. We got along so well.

Anyway, I opened the letter (still have it!) and it all moved along quickly from there. A month later, we moved in together (insanity), and here we are, 11 years later, still ticking along! When you know, you know.

I moved in with my DH after 3 months - within a year we were married, pregnant and we'd bought a house.
8 years later the 'lust' is still there and were very happy and that is despite spending the last 7 months WFH together while trying to homeschool a small a child!

I know a couple who said 'I love you' on the first day they'd met

My brother and his wife did this! They had their first lunch date and declared their love for one another. I hassled the hell out of my brother at the time. "You said I LOVE YOU??? OVER LUNCH??? Moron!"
Meanwhile, 22 years, 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a fish tank later....

I still refer to my brother as Bob 'I love you over lunch' Smith (Bob and Smith not being his real first and surname, of course ).

Your comments about everything being easy and feeling right resonated with me, and reminded me of when I met my husband over 10 years ago. We married 8 years ago and are very happy with 2 young children.

I knew him vaguely through work, but at different branches and we were Facebook friends. One night after a couple of drinks I asked him if he fancied going out sometime, after swapping a couple of comments about one of his photos. He said yes, we went out 5 days later.

6 weeks later we went on holiday together. After 3 months we moved in together. After 5 months I left my job and we relocated for his work. After 1 year we bought a house, after 2 years we married and started TTC.

We made some huge life changes and decisions in a very short space of time but I never hesitated in making in them as 'I just knew'.

So yes, it's not always wrong to rush into things.

All the best for the future and I hope you have found a good one!

I know a couple who met at uni, got engaged after 6 weeks and married within a year. The first thing they did when lockdown was lifted was go and meet their first Grandbaby.

My most recent relationship was very quick . He moved in after about a month. It laster 2.5 years. So semi successful

@StormBaby same here! Met online. Was full on from day 1. “Love bombed” me, crazy ex, no money, probably a “cock lodger” too (although not moved in yet but he’s trying his best to 😄). Messaged each other 100 times a day every day from the second we woke. But 2 years later and no signs of him being anything other than perfect for me. I know still relatively early days but can’t see it changing. We both feel it was love at first sight. But apparently that doesn’t exist on mumsnet as everyone else probably thinks he is a narcissistic, love bombing good for nothing!? But I don’t care ...

I think some relationships move quickly because they are unhealthy, or one or both people don't have healthy boundaries, or much else happening in their lives. But sometimes relationships move quickly because they are right.

This. I'd caution everyone to be careful about going in too quickly. Having said that, I threw out the pill after 3 months of dating. We're married and have been together for 7,5 years now. My DH and SIL moved in together within six months, they're now married for over 14 years. My dad and mum bought a house and married within 9 months or so, were married for 34 years until her death.

Funny thing is, we've all had much longer relationships before the marriages that didn't go anywhere. Apparantly when it's right we sense it?

We met at uni, said “I love you” after a week and have been together almost 25 years. Very happy, we just got each other I think - still do.

My first real relationship at 18, we moved in together after 6 weeks of knowing each other, we lasted 12 years but then split because he didn't want kids.
My 2nd well....knew him as a friend through work, started dating then married after about 18 months, that lasted 25 years then I later found out my marriage was a lie and he was gay, long story.
My 3rd and current relationship, we met and moved in together 6 months later, this is because I just think at my age I just want to get on with things, haven't time to dance around the handbags and life it too short...