Talk to me about prenups

[runningonemptyfulloflove]

I know it's a very American concept and a bit negative (in terms of happily ever after wedding) but iv seen too many friends or relatives get divorced, things turn nasty and personal and it turns into a right mess and very expensive solicitor fees.
I just want some basic things laid out before we get married. I'm currently working part time without a brilliant salary while we have young children, so depend on OH for the vast majority of bills. I don't want to be left completely penniless if we were ever to divorce, when we made the decision as a couple for me to focus more on children than career ladder and he would provide.

Has anyone any experience of UK prenups?

Not sure if you're confused or just a bit dim, OP

Same, tbh

What I think you are missing OP - is that a divorce settlement would normally split marital assets 50/50 - and maintenance arrangements for children where one parent has them more than the other.
So why would that arrangement not suit you if you have no assets you wish to protect in the case of an equal split?

You could protect yourself by maintaining your career and saving into a pension. Don't put all your eggs into one basket.

OP

If I were to marry, I would now want a prenup, to protect my existing assets.

Ten years ago, as I had no notable assets, I would not have needed one.

You do not have any assets. Marriage is in your favour. A prenuptial agreement would make no difference.

Your partner has assets. Marriage is not in his favour. A prenuptial agreement could make a lot of difference.

@Solasum perfectly put!!

Would agree with previous posters, it's a marriage that you need for security not a prenuptial agreement. A prenuptial agreement would be much more in his favour.

You sound incredibly defensive as well. Nobody is suggesting that you should shut up and marry him, or that you are of no value. We're all just saying that at the end of the day and marriage is what would protect you in the situation you are in. The prenuptial agreement would be what would protect him. It's not hard to understand...🙄

@runningonemptyfulloflove

As someone who has just gone through divorce here in the U.K. - and who at some earlier stage of marriage has given up her career to raise children - i can tell you a few of the posters here are right.
You seem to not understand what prenup does or can do in your case.
You don’t need to have it written down that the two of you agreed that you’ll step back and raise the children.
Just doing it in the marriage is taking as a agreement.
For eg - my now Ex tried to dispute that and say that he wanted me to work. But it makes no difference - I was home raising kids, hence there was an agreement I do so.
And the fact of such agreement doesn’t even specifically matter.
In a case of divorce - spousal maintenance as compensation for reducing your career prospects is only really awarded if the other partner has quite a high salary.
In all other cases - that pre-nup confirming such agreement will not result in any different judgement. Court would simply look at the circumstances of the family at the time of divorce - respective salaries and earning powers and make a decision. Mostly a in a case of a long term SAHM - she’d get some time to retrain and renter work at whatever level she can.

So - not sure why you got all defensive here on this thread. Get all of this confirmed with a lawyer, if you need to.
But, generally, here in the U.K. - if you have kids and give you your career, while not being married - it is true that it puts you in a vulnerable financial position. So - marriage itself is the best protection. Prenup - the way you are talking about it will do nothing to add to such protection.

[quote runningonemptyfulloflove]@VanGoghsDog alright sorry, I'm just going to remove it from my, watched list or whatever 🙄 Gosh some people really have nothing better to do than try and aggravate other people. I'm sure you feel very smug. [/quote]
😂😂Might be best to do this, if you can't handle genuine advice.

Prenups are not legally binding in the uk. My cousin was looking into one to protect her assets as her boyfriend had nothing to his name, her solicitors advice was not to marry him. She took the advice 👍

It is very different here in my country.

There are 3 types of marriage contracts here.

The normal 50/50 one is in community of property so if you don't have a contract in place, this automatically applies.

if you get married out of community of property without accrual, then each partner owns his or her own assets that were owned prior to the marriage, as well as everything that is accumulated during the marriage

Then there is out of cop with accrual which is where each partner goes in with their own assets, but if there was a divorce then assets obtained after marriage are split.

From what I have noticed is that most first time marriages are in cop and then 2nd time around, there is usually an out of cop agreement in place.

I am quite surprised to see that this is not really a common thing in the UK, as it is very normal here.

I think couples, who commit to each other and are moving toward financial co dependency (house buying, marriage or children), should have a robust conversation about money, roles and what happens if you split. The conversation should cover how what asking each other to sacrifice careers or jobs really means when you split. If a pre nup does that I am all for it.

But a pre nup won’t override statute. It can help guide interpretation in specific circumstances.

I think Prenups should be legally binding.

he's more than ever happy to get a prenup

I bet he is!

A pre-nup protects the higher earner- ie him.

A marriage protects the lower earner- ie you.

While a pre-nup isn’t typically enforceable in the UK, if it was and you divorced, it’d mean his protected assets were removed from the joint pot before it was split. You’d end up with less than you’re entitled to.

It’s a shame you won’t listen when people are telling you important information.

You sound extremely naive, and you probably shouldn’t get married if you don’t understand what marriage means. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@userxx

Prenups are not legally binding in the uk. My cousin was looking into one to protect her assets as her boyfriend had nothing to his name, her solicitors advice was not to marry him. She took the advice 👍

Exactly!

Advice I have followed all my life. Different if you have kids and one of you compromised your career to care for them though. That is exactly what marriage is for.

Bet the OP's dp is rubbing his hands with glee at the prospect of her willingly giving away her and her kids' entitlement.

Once he starts talking to his solicitor about a pre-nup he will be delighted. He gets to protect and ring-fence some of his assets which he had before entering the marriage.
This sums it up:
A pre-nup protects the higher earner- ie him.
A marriage protects the lower earner- ie you.

With a pre-nup you are likely to end up with a lower share of the assets than if you marry and divorce and go to court. But go ahead as you're going to do it anyway. You've been very rude to people who have given sensible advice. Nobody has told you to shut up and marry him.

Sounds to me like you started this thread as some way to advertise pre-nups - get a discussion going about how great they are, encourage people to get one and therefore there's more business for lawyers.
The whole thing doesn't ring true at all. You ask people to talk to you about pre-nups. You then flounce off when you don't like what they are saying.

I’m so tired of repeating this on here.

People who work are also ‘raising’ their children. Your boyfriend is ‘raising’ his children. Working to put food on the table and a roof over your child’s head is ‘raising’ a child.

I have two women friends who married for a first and second time in their forties. No dc and their partners are very low earning much younger men. One is getting divorced now and is about to lose 50% of what was literally all her money as he bought nothing to the table. Her assets inc house must be worth at least half a million. In her case a prenup would have been ideal. Love is blind and all that.

I’m amazed at how the op refuses to see the reality of the difference between pre nups and marriage.

As I see it the OP essentially wants to negotiate the terms of her possible future divorce before she gets married while they are still friends

@MissSmiley

As I see it the OP essentially wants to negotiate the terms of her possible future divorce before she gets married while they are still friends

Yes, but there really is no need.

Standard is 50%, if she wants more she may get it of she has given up a career. A pre nup won't have any bearing on that.
Her dh will be advised not to enter into anything like that, which giver her more, and she will be advised not to enter into anything which gives her less. So what's the point?

The time she needed a legal document was when she went into living with the guy and having kids without being married. He could leave her penniless (other than child maintenance) today. But not after marriage.

I’ve been married before with a pre nup. The marriage didn’t last. My new solicitor told me if I was to ask for him to draw up another, don’t get married in the first place!