Talk to me about prenups

[runningonemptyfulloflove]

I know it's a very American concept and a bit negative (in terms of happily ever after wedding) but iv seen too many friends or relatives get divorced, things turn nasty and personal and it turns into a right mess and very expensive solicitor fees.
I just want some basic things laid out before we get married. I'm currently working part time without a brilliant salary while we have young children, so depend on OH for the vast majority of bills. I don't want to be left completely penniless if we were ever to divorce, when we made the decision as a couple for me to focus more on children than career ladder and he would provide.

Has anyone any experience of UK prenups?

What exactly are you looking for in your prenup? What financial position are you trying to achieve?

Given that you aren't married and working part time, you're potentially very vulnerable if you split up before marriage. Is you/your OH contributing to a pension for you to make up for what you're missing out on by working part time?

I'm assuming that you either jointly own/rent a property at the moment.

Do you want a prenup that gives you a certain amount for every year of marriage or just a straightforward split of assets? Are you factoring in his pension pot, any savings held?

Who is it that even wants a prenup, as at the moment it seems that just by getting married you would put yourself in a way better position than you are now.

Dh and I got one prior to marriage as we both brought in assets and potential inheritances we wanted to protect. Binding unless there's coersion or lack of independent advice or entrapment of some sort (might be other reasons too).
Ours says:
The value of what he brought in is his (the real value at the date of our marriage, no inflation)
Any future inheritance from his parents is his, provided it's not converted into family assets like a house and impossible to distinguish
Likewise, the value of what I brought in is mine, and future inheritance from parents is mine
The joint value of our assets and investments has grown since we married. We share the incremental growth equally.
House, beach house and family chattels like cars etc will be valued and the amount shared equally.
I get first option to buy him out of his share of our primary family home and I am under no obligation to leave (my lawyer pushed for this and I'm glad as it gives me a secure feeling).
He gets first option to buy me out of the family business.
I need to agree before he can remove me or our children as be beneficaries of our family trust.

Hth?

Pensions are included as assets to be split, but the pension value we each brought into the marriage is our own (inflated value).

@timeisnotaline that's just not the case at all. It's not that I'm "protecting what I have" it's that if we are going ti bother getting married (something initially neither of us were that bothered about, but now after having a long term relationship, like the idea of celebrating our life and love so far with our nearest and dearest) we might as well get all the legal side right.

Let's get one thing clear, he's not handing me a life line. He proposed, he loves me and he is happy to have a prenup. Maybe he isn't as shallow as some of you. I just wondered if anyone in the UK had had one recently and what the process was like. You seem to all think I should be either grateful he's considering me now I'm penniless and weighed down with (his) children, or I am some money grabbing woman who plans to marry him, leave him penniless and run off a few weeks later.

And if you wouldn’t buy a house without insurance then you really shouldn’t have had children without marriage

This! Seems odd hyper-focussing on a pre-nup now when OP has already allowed herself to be as vulnerable as it’s possible to be in a relationship. It’s like trying to close the stable door when the horse bolted years ago!

Genuine question- if legal protection is so important to you, why did you have children when you’re not married? That’s the biggest protection you can have as the lower earned.

If I got divorced & remarried I would also get a pre nup because I would have assets to protect so I certainly see the value in them but I don't really understand your need.

A friend is divorcing, she works p/t & he earns more, 2 dc. From the "pot" she's getting about 65%.

@runningonemptyfulloflove what additional protection will a pre nup give you?

Pre nups in the UK are not legally bubding...not worth the paper they are writren on

The legal side is the marriage

That’s what gives you protection.

And no one has even vaguely implied you should be penniless but they’ve corrected your belief that a prenup will help you avoid that.

I'm going to close this thread now.

I just want to say I came here looking for some advise from people who had been through the UK prenup process. Thank you to those that did offer this. Im so shocked that in 2020 so many fellow woman and just humans think, 1 - to have children you first need to be married or you clearly don't care about your legal rights, 2 - to consider a prenup means you must not really be in a healthy happy relationship and 3 - I should just be grateful he's willing to even marry me.

Iv shown my OH these posts and we've had a chat about them, he can't believe it either, he's more than ever happy to get a prenup knowing it will give me some piece of mind, that we have a plan should we ever want a divorce.

We originally didn't plan on getting married, but decided if we are going to now (which was his suggestion not mine, I am thrilled however as I love him dearly) we might as well try and do it right and get all our ducks in order. I honestly think in 20 years time if someone looked at this thread they wouldn't believe the nonsense some role have sad. "Too little too late, just marry him before he leaves you" - what a crazy mentality.

Apologies for any spelling and grammar mistakes. And thanks again to all with actually advise/experience.

You really don't understand what a pre nup is!

But it's a fact you are better protected if you are married.

regardless of a pre nup.

(and you don't get to "close the thread" either 😃)

Would you be looking for more than 50%? That is unlikely to even be honored and if that was all you were seeking then you don't need it.
I'm in a similar position to you (married) but money earned is totally family money to us, comes into joint account I manage it . We both have our own accounts too and savings are split evenly . I am aware of every penny. We pay into a pension for me as well as him, mortgage and house is joint and we each own one of the cars in name. That is about the best protection as I can see it.

@VanGoghsDog alright sorry, I'm just going to remove it from my, watched list or whatever 🙄 Gosh some people really have nothing better to do than try and aggravate other people. I'm sure you feel very smug.

If he suddenly changes his mind you’re screwed OP and that’s the point. He currently holds all the power in the relationship and you hold nothing. You have no bargaining power. No chips. No ball in your court. You are at your partners mercy.

Too little too late, just marry him before he leaves you" - what a crazy mentality

You may think it’s crazy, but it’s really your only option. Let’s hope he continues to be on board with the idea.

I'm not too sure what you are trying to achieve either OP. Under divorce law in this country after a long marriage all assets are split 50:50 (including house, savings, pensions, debt etc) which seems very fair to me so I'm not sure what additional added value the pre-nup will give you.

Of course, after divorce you'd be expected to support yourself and not be kept forever with spousal maintenance (though the higher earner would be expected to support their children). You will be expected to find employment and support yourself and courts don't take the view that you are entitled to continued support just because you'd stayed home before the divorce by mutual agreement. It will be harder for you to return to the job market if you have not kept working and sustained a career. So you are very likely to be worse off than your DH post divorce both in earnings and your ability to grow your pension pot post settlement if you haven't sustained your career and your DH has continued to work and progress in his career.

In a pre-nup your DH would not be advised to commit to giving you the house and supporting you after a divorce - so you'd gain nothing by doing it.

Antenuptial agreements are useful if you're bringing assets into a marriage and want to make it clear that what will and won't be split in the event of a divorce.

If you enter marriage without assets, then the law as it stands will ensure you get an even split of whatever is accrued during the marriage.

So, pp are correct in saying that in your case, you don't need an antenuptial agreement. A solicitor might agree to help you draw one up, because they'll get a fee for it. But you don't actually need one.

If you divorce amicably, there would be no need for it
If you divorced under stressful circs, you'd still have to go to court to have the antenuptial agreement assessed etc. It wouldn't save you any heartache.

But if getting one would be fun etc, do it. At least you'll contribute a crust to the solicitor!

If you are financially vulnerable, e.g. you have given up your career to raise DC and you want to protect yourself then you need to be married.

If you chose not to be married then you’re disregarding legal protection, because it’s the marriage contract that provides that not a pre nup.

@runningonemptyfulloflove but you won't even answer the reasonable questions

What a bizarre thread. I haven’t seen anyone suggest you should be ‘grateful he’s willing to marry you.’

What several posters have tried to point out to you is that if you were to divorce without a pre-nup, you would already be protected by the fact of your marriage. You wouldn’t be left high and dry just because your husband had earned the majority of the money.

So I think other posters are just questioning why you think a pre-nup would leave you in a better position? And as they have rightly pointed out, if anyone stood to ‘gain’ from a pre-nup it would be the higher earner who could use it to protect their assets (in this case your OH). Perhaps that is what you are trying to do, perhaps you feel it would be unfair on your OH for all assets to be split equally when he has earned more? Though I very much doubt it as you emphasised your consideration for a pre-nup was because you had given up earning power to focus on the family.

I don’t think you should take offence, I think everyone is just a bit confused by what you’re trying to achieve.

I’m assuming he would seek legal advice prior to any pre-nup and I guarantee that legal advice would not fall in your favour OP. They will advise him to protect himself and his assets, of which he has ample compared to you. They are very convincing and will paint a worst case scenario for him.

Agree with @Hobgoblinz and @BewilderedDoughnut. OP MARRIAGE will offer you the best financial protection here given the vulnerable position you have put yourself in by having children with a man you're not married to and then by reducing your earning power by electing to leave the workplace. A prenup usually exists to ringfence assets that one partner owns prior to marriage that he might feel you have no claim to if things went awry.

Not sure if you're confused or just a bit dim, OP.