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Original poster

OMG ~ I need help, fallen in love with a teenager?

56 replies

mrsrobinson · 19/10/2004 17:12

i am completely confused and upset. I have changed name btw for this post.

I am 31 years old, and started a job in a supermarket 3 months ago, I started really having a laugh with this one lad, he really made me smile and we really connected, i would look forward to going in to work as I knew he was there, he even changed a shift so he could do the same as me.

I knew he was younger than me, but I figured 23/24, and as I am single I thought a few years couldn't hurt, we met for a drink and had a really good time for the first 3 hours, until it came into the conversation that he was in fact 18 years old, I was so shocked as he looked and certainly acted older.

This happened Saturday night and I made my excuses and left, I am so confused as I think that I have fallen in love with him and cant get him out of my mind, but the other part is thinking there is something wrong with me.

Need help / advice / support.

OP posts:
kkgirl · 19/10/2004 21:06

Not quite the same age difference but close. I started going out with my DH when he was 20 and I was 29. We have been married for 14 years and I can't say it really makes a difference to me.

It depends really if it is a problem to you, I mean if he is a mature 18 year old, and it sounds like that from your post, then I would go for it.

I'm a great believer in what you feel, when I started going out with DH, and I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, and hadn't even considered him as a possible, the age thing didn't bother me at all, it just felt right.

Good luck

nutcracker · 19/10/2004 21:18

I know alot of people say it is different for men, but i was 18 when i met dp and he was 38.

Alot of people did not like it, his family, my family, but eventually my family at least got used to it.
He had loads of comments said at work but he didn't mind.

However if i had my time again, i would notmhave touched him with a barge pole as the difference is just too much. He is now 46, me 26 and we have nothing in comon at all. He treats me like a child and i treat him like the grumpy old man he is.

I'm not saying don't go for it, and i don't see anything wrong in the age gap, but i would say the chances of it lasting would be slim. Sorry.

nutcracker · 19/10/2004 21:20

Can i also add that i am insanly jealous

jampot · 19/10/2004 21:22

My twin sis is 36 and her dh is 54 been together 14 years - she is unhappy as she has nothing in common with him but still refuses to leave - martyr that she is! Having said that he still behaves like a 20 year old!

nutcracker · 19/10/2004 21:23

Jampot - That could be me and dp, he acts like a 5 year old though.

Shimmy21 · 19/10/2004 21:26

I agree with everyone who says go for it but just to sound a boring note of caution. Make sure you aren't setting yourself up to get hurt. 18 year olds aren't often ready to settle in to long relationships (I'm not saying you want that or that he doesn't-I don't know) but just be sure you have a some protective gear on before jumping head first!

Original poster
mrsrobinson · 20/10/2004 16:37

We met for lunch today and had a really good chat. he joked that he actually though I was 38!!!!. He said that he's dated girls his own age but found them immature, I really struggle to believe that he is only 18 as looks and acts much older.

We have decided to take it one day at a time, I did mention it too my dd who replied, cool he's funny. That is it for now, we are going out for a proper 'date' tonight, dd at grans for the night, so lets see what happened.

OP posts:
beansprout · 20/10/2004 16:51

Mrs R - enjoy! Age does play a part but it is really not the most important thing in a relationship. It's perfectly possible to have loads/nothing in common regardless of age. There are 13 years between me and dp and it makes no difference at all. My "record" is a 21 year gap! How many conversations about the 1980s do you need to have with someone anyway?

The only thing, and this is the same in any relationship, is to be wanting the same things. When there is an age/cultural/whatever difference, these conversations just tend to come up earlier in the relationship, which is no bad thing. You sound like you are taking it slowly, which is always wise. Now just go and enjoy yourself!!

Gingerbear · 20/10/2004 16:56

Oh JuniperD, no, it was mrsrobinson, not I!! Am happily married to aging, greying haired 43 year old now!!

My toyboy encounter was years ago!

shortcake · 20/10/2004 17:49

Sorry to be the devils advocate - but my advice is stay well alone! - I think you are getting into something that can only end badly for both of you. I'm sorry to sound so negative but I reckon others think probably think it but don't say it! I'm also thinking about how his Mum would feel about this - I wouldn't be too happy!!!!

Branster · 20/10/2004 18:10

shortcake, are you me??!!
that is exactly what I was thinking. What about his mum?
and all the implications and different expectations from both sides.
I'd be inclined not to get involved, purely because he is so young and needs to mix with girls his own age at this stage in his life. I just think as a man he needs that kind of experience.

Uwila · 20/10/2004 18:11

Afraid I agree with Shortcake. Does he have younger syblings? Nearer your daughters age perhaps? What happens if things go wrong and gossip goes round your daughter's circle of friends? How will that make her feel.

I don't know. 18 year old boys are hardly grown ups in my opinion. My dh is 36 and he's not grown up!

And what happend when your daught is 15 and she brings home a 27 year old man. How are you going to tell her that's wrong?

shortcake · 20/10/2004 19:10

Sorry to rain on your parade!!!

nutcracker · 20/10/2004 19:12

If he is 18 though it's up to him surely ???

I was 18 when i met dp and although my dad didn't like it, even he knew that at the end of the day i was old enough to make my own mistakes.

I would proceed with caution so to speak mrsR but i don't think you should discount it soley on the age gap.

emmatmg · 20/10/2004 19:20

Hmmmmm, actually I've just remebered a idiot who I went out with a couple of times. He was about 18 and I was older(can't remember what the difference was, couldn't of been much though as i met DH at 22)

He told all his mates that he shagged me in the park on one of our dates! Firstly we didn't even go to the park. Secondly, I was way beyond doing stuff in a park.

I suspect he'd be a rare 18 yr old if he didn't bragg about you mrs R, his older woman.

I think I'll retract my 'Go for it' comments. Sorry.

BTW, I did have the last laugh though, as I comfronted him infront of his mates and he had to admit that it never happened. Ha...idiot!

Branster · 20/10/2004 21:27

yes nutcracker, but there is a great difference between young male mentality vs female perception in such matters at 18.

nutcracker · 20/10/2004 21:30

Yes actually that is true Branster

kkgirl · 20/10/2004 22:45

Well I can't agree with you all. My DH was 20 when we started going out, and he was very mature for his age. And at the end of the day, at 18 you have to live your own live and make your own decisions, your parents have to let you go out into the world......

I would be cautious if I was Mrs R, but only because she has responsibilities towards DD.

Also you can't tar all 18 year olds with the same brush - bragging about their sexual experiences, some guys are more sensitive and caring than others.

froot · 20/10/2004 23:09

message withdrawn

lou33 · 20/10/2004 23:14

If i was single, I would consider anyone from 21 and upwards. I'm 38 in the new year.

Original poster
mrsrobinson · 21/10/2004 09:45

I was not expecting some of the replies, one thinks its a bad idea and the rest come out the woodwood lol.

Thanks KKGIRL, I was relieved to read your post.

I definately think that all 18 years old are not the same, at 17 I moved out and got a place on my own got a great job and at 18 I had my own mortgage, while other friends were reading look in and which out of new kids was the cutest etc etc.

In replies to other questions, D has an older sister who herself if married to a man 9 years older, I have met his mum a number of times when she comes into the shop, we have always had a laugh and her and D are vert close and he has confided in her that he likes me, she spoke to him about the fact I have a dd and responsibilities, and that if he thinks its worth it then he should ask me out. So I dont see that being a problem (in fact she has invited me and DD round for dinner on Sunday).

Last night went really well, it was more of a 10th date conversation, we talked in depth, and he said that as he looked older he had been going to the pub with his mates for years and get bored with the going out getting hammered and then throwing up and feeling rough. We agreed it was important to see friends as well as me, although his 2 closest friends have moved away to uni.

So anyway I appreciate every comment made. Thanks

OP posts:
Twinkie · 21/10/2004 09:53

Oooohhh he will be able to do it again and again and agian - not like our middle aged DP/DHs go for it !!

You can mold him into the perfect specimen of manliness too - one that is macho and sexy but has a feminine side and always puts the loo seat down and washes away his shavings down the pulg hole!!

snmum · 21/10/2004 10:00

why is it okay for a man to go out with a younger woman but not for a woman to go out with a younger man??!!

MrsR, you sound like you are being very sensible about this. Me and my dh have a smaller gap, he is 8 yrs older and no-one can even tell. maybe i just look haggered have a great time, but people do judge, but then they do of everything

Flossam · 21/10/2004 10:25

I really want to say that you should go for it but I can't help worrying that everything seems to be moving very fast and you seem to be making a lot of long term plans with each other. Surely at the moment, to relieve the pressure off of both of you (but especially him) you should be enjoying what you have seeing how things go and then tentatively start making plans later on. I don't know, but especially from an 18yr olds perspecitve it seems very serious.

Original poster
mrsrobinson · 28/10/2004 18:54

Well the first week has flown by, and I am glad that I managed to get over my initial doubts and 'go for it', not sure by some of the comments that I was rushing it!!!.

Went to his mums for dinner and we had a lovely chat and he had been going on about me for months, we both agree that he is very grown up, 18 going on 50 sometimes, he is considerate and things are going along nicely.

He is taking me out for a meal for our '1st week anniversary' and I can honestly say so far age has not been an issue, then again he looks older and I have been told I look a few years younger.

OP posts: