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Original poster

Worried about dating - overweight

32 replies

Goldmidnight · 03/10/2020 21:58

I’ve gained about 2 stone in the last year or so, partly because I had an operation and I was then on medication which causes weight gain for some time. Lockdown definitely didn’t help either!

I wasn’t tiny to start with, I was around 10.5-11 stone (I’m 5 foot 6.) now I’m around 12.5-13 stone Sad I don’t carry the weight well at all, I’m very pear shaped and I feel really self conscious of my size and how my body has changed.

I have been speaking to someone new recently and it’s going well, we were speaking about meeting up this week but I’m feeling nervous because of my weight gain! He has seen full body photos of me, but I feel awfully self conscious.

I am doing something to get back down to a healthy weight but it’s a slow process and I don’t want to put my life/dating on hold. Or should I wait another few months before meeting anyone?

Has anyone else dealt with this, and do you have any tips?
Tia Smile

OP posts:
Isthisnothing · 03/10/2020 22:29

So he's seen realistic photos of you? Just go on the date and see if you like him. Lose the weight in your own time and above all else, mind your health.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 03/10/2020 22:35

I wish i was as far along as you! totally fallen for a guy but not shared full body pics, i'm a stone and a bit down since start of sept but im still 16.5 stone :( im hoping i can be acceptable size by christmas.

Thankssomuch · 03/10/2020 22:44

You know that weight gain isn’t exclusive to women? There is every chance that guys might be conscious of their own ‘less than perfect’ (depending on your viewpoint) physiques when they brave the dating scene!

Msgiggles30 · 03/10/2020 22:51

I bet you look lovely! I am 13stone and 5ft7, yes I have a tummy and stretch marks etc but it's not all bad Smile, at a size 14 I dont actually feel that large although I know I am overweight. However I do feel the same about meeting someone new worried about my body but have found in the past that I fake it until I make it and then naturally just become more comfortable! If he has seen full body pics then he must like what he sees x

Givemeabreak88 · 03/10/2020 23:24

As long as they’ve seen a full length picture of you then it’s fine, I have heard of men speaking about when who hide their weight online and try to appear slimmer by only putting up face pics of old pics and they’ve had a shock when they’ve met up, so as long as you’ve been honest I wouldn’t worry.

B1rdflyinghigh · 03/10/2020 23:24

There will always be someone who adores your body shape and stays because you're lovely.
I adore the bigger man with a full dad bod.

LilyWater · 03/10/2020 23:53

Pear shape is a lovely shape to have even if you're overweight - curves are in the right places! :)

Foreverlexicon · 04/10/2020 05:35

My girlfriend is overweight. I met her online and her photos were largely shoulders up photos or otherwise didn’t really show her body shape.

I didn’t even REALISE she was remotely
overweight for at least 3 dates because I was so taken by her personality, her face and everything else. I know that sounds odd but I honestly didn’t notice. I guess it was l
Only when things got more physical that I actually noticed and my only thought process about it was the same as it would be if I saw she had a birthmark or something like that. I think she’s absolutely beautiful and I wouldn’t be more attracted to her if she were a size 8.

I would only care about her weight if it started to impact her health or started to prevent her from doing normal day to day activities.

talltreewessex · 04/10/2020 07:52

Walking around town yesterday I was shocked about how many women are badly overweight. More than men but probably as men are taller and maybe carry it better.

I lost 4 stone but cutting out carbs and doing 5:2. It took 6 months and that was 3 years ago. I’m now building muscle.

If you are overweight, make the step. Draw a line in the sand and say “this is not right for my health, my future and my well-being”. Regardless of dating.

Move more. Eat less. It’s so simple. Happy to be flamed but it is easy. You have the gift of being healthy within you. Flowers

CodenameVillanelle · 04/10/2020 07:56

I've dated loads as an overweight woman! Don't put your life on hold. He clearly knows what you look like! Lots of men not only don't mind women being a bit fat but actually like it!

talltreewessex · 04/10/2020 08:10

“don't mind women being a bit fat but actually like it!”

What a horrible thing to say. You’d rather they remain unhealthy and die younger because you like it?

Thesheerrelief · 04/10/2020 08:10

My ex (not suggesting you should date him because he's a head wreck) specifically liked women with your body shape. I tend to put on weight all over like an apple but he preferred it when I had more weight on my bum and thighs. Everyone has their own preferences

ColdLeatherSofa · 04/10/2020 08:27

talltreewessex

I think you misread that post...

Oryxx · 04/10/2020 08:33

Just go on the date and enjoy it. You’ve sent him full body pics so he knows what you look like and obviously likes what he sees! Have a great time.

@talltreewessex WTF? Confused

Glitterb · 04/10/2020 08:44

This was always one of my biggest fears, I am a size 14/16 but I am also 5ft 9 so also tall and I was always worried about men being disappointed. Then I decided that I was being ridiculous, yes people can be rude when online dating but you are not necessarily going to fancy them either. I also have big boobs and I’ve had some awful comments about those as well, however they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon! I just went out and embraced it, if nothing came of a date then I chalked in down to experience. Not all men are expecting model like women, it’s not realistic.

If he has seen full length photos of you then I don’t think you have anything to worry about at all!

Bagelsandbrie · 04/10/2020 08:48

I am the same weight and height as you and don’t even give my weight a thought - I know I’m a bit overweight but I have long term health issues and take steroids and they cause me to put on weight more easily. I’ve online dated before - it’s where I met my Dh (been married 12 years now) and never even considered my weight to be an issue. People like all sorts. Just be yourself. Don’t worry about it.

CodenameVillanelle · 04/10/2020 08:57

@talltreewessex

“don't mind women being a bit fat but actually like it!”

What a horrible thing to say. You’d rather they remain unhealthy and die younger because you like it?

Don't be a twat I'm a woman, as I clearly indicated in my post. I am also losing weight but that's neither here nor there and I'm not going to avoid dating until I'm a weight that you or some other unconnected people think is acceptable!
Jennifer2r · 04/10/2020 08:58

I always ask potential dates 'what's your type' or 'what sort of women do you like'?

Here you learn two things. If they say skinny or slim or 'looks after herself' or whatever other euphemism you know you might not be compatible.

Also you get insight into what kind of person they are. Some men say 'oh I'm looking for someone funny and who likes dogs etc etc'. Some men say 'blonde with nice tits'.

JimmyJabs · 04/10/2020 09:11

talltreewessex there are few things less pleasant than the formerly-overweight health evangelist who puts down other women who are overweight. It comes from a place of fear that they might end up being one of the many who fails to maintain their new weight and they will go back to being on the receiving end of all the contempt that they've been busy dishing out.

The OP wasn't asking for your opinion on her weight. She is already doing something about it and is taking it slowly, as is recommended for actual long-term maintenance. What she is asking is, should she put her dating life on hold, despite having some interest from someone who is aware of her size, until she is thinner? To which my answer is, hell no. The idea that only women with a certain body shape deserve to have a relationship is bullshit.

12309845653ghydrvj · 04/10/2020 09:17

I think it depends entirely on the guy—as long as you’re upfront about it you shouldn’t ever have any issues. Most men will be interested, and sexiness is a large part about attitude, how you dress, carry yourself, etc.

Some men only want to date thin women—they should filter themselves out well before the date stage! But there are a lot of guys who will be very happy with it—i think some women who are thin think bigger women never get sexual interest from men, couldn’t be further from the truth! Dress yourself for the body you have now, go in with an open and fun attitude.

bumblingbovine49 · 04/10/2020 09:18

@talltreewessex

Walking around town yesterday I was shocked about how many women are badly overweight. More than men but probably as men are taller and maybe carry it better.

I lost 4 stone but cutting out carbs and doing 5:2. It took 6 months and that was 3 years ago. I’m now building muscle.

If you are overweight, make the step. Draw a line in the sand and say “this is not right for my health, my future and my well-being”. Regardless of dating.

Move more. Eat less. It’s so simple. Happy to be flamed but it is easy. You have the gift of being healthy within you. Flowers

Hmm useful post ( not!)
12309845653ghydrvj · 04/10/2020 09:18

Wear something that you’re comfortable in but that also makes you feel a bit glam—not something that’s like you’re hiding away.

12309845653ghydrvj · 04/10/2020 09:19

@talltreewessex you’re a real charmer.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/10/2020 09:24

Move more. Eat less. It’s so simple. Happy to be flamed but it is easy. You have the gift of being healthy within you.

@talltreewessex congratulations! You have discovered the hidden secret to dieting success! I am sure the world - and us fatties - thank you most sincerely. I never knew it was so easy! Hmm

ThePlantsitter · 04/10/2020 09:26

Stop thinking about yourself as a product. Start thinking about what YOU are going to want from the guy you're dating. What are you looking for? What will be the ingredients of a successful date FOR YOU?

It's not about what you think your date wants it's about finding out if there's a connection between two people. Obviously being nervous is totally normal but going into a date obsessing over whether or not you're good enough is a very good way to get into an abusive relationship quite honestly.

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