Page 2 | Sadly we don't see them due to their mum corrupting their mind

Bollss · 04/10/2020 13:25

@hereyehearye

Men who want to see their kids see their kids. Women who don't accept this soon end up married to deadbeats.

Don't ever give men the benefit of the doubt when it comes to parenting.

Presumably you've never met a woman who ignores mediation, ignores court orders and turns your children slowly but surely against you?

Tell me, how do you see your children when they refuse to see you, because of what they have been told?

Go on. I'd love to fucking hear it.

AlternativePerspective · 04/10/2020 13:37

While parental alienation does happen, it’s not the kind of thing I would think someone would bring up on a first online chat.

It’s called “plenty of fish” for a reason.

Bollss · 04/10/2020 13:38

@AlternativePerspective

While parental alienation does happen, it’s not the kind of thing I would think someone would bring up on a first online chat.

It’s called “plenty of fish” for a reason.

Absolutely agree but other posters pretending it doesn't happen are arrogant and rude.

hereyehearye · 04/10/2020 14:59

Actual parental alienation is about as common as false rape claims and is mostly used by abusive men to silence women or lazy absent fathers to abdicate responsibility.

www.womensaid.org.uk/parental-alienation-and-the-family-courts/

If anyone's arrogant on this thread, it's the silly women who swallow a giant load of bullshit from some random stranger about their crazy bitch ex wife who doesn't let them see the kids because they are too stupid to see that they are no better than she was and will receive exactly the same treatment when their "DH" is done with them.

Whosthatgirlitsjess · 04/10/2020 15:02

Online dating is full of men saying they don't see their kids/their ex (usually all of them) are crazy/their wife doesn't understand them/their wife or ex tricked them into having kids. One man told me his ex tricked him into having 4 kids oldest was six youngest was about 1... I told him I only date people who have an IQ in double digits. Just block and don't get caught up in conversation with those types.

Bollss · 04/10/2020 15:08

@hereyehearye

Actual parental alienation is about as common as false rape claims and is mostly used by abusive men to silence women or lazy absent fathers to abdicate responsibility.

www.womensaid.org.uk/parental-alienation-and-the-family-courts/

If anyone's arrogant on this thread, it's the silly women who swallow a giant load of bullshit from some random stranger about their crazy bitch ex wife who doesn't let them see the kids because they are too stupid to see that they are no better than she was and will receive exactly the same treatment when their "DH" is done with them.

No it is not. What utter, utter shite.

I hope you're not assuming that's what happened with me? Because I don't appreciate being called a silly woman when I saw it happen with my own eyes. Dp only ever had good things to say about his ex and so did I until she became a bitter and twisted manipulative horrible bitch and dismissed her child's feelings in favour of her own.

Stop being so judgemental and arrogant when you quite frankly obviously know fuck all about this.

2sides2acoin · 04/10/2020 15:17

@TrustTheGeneGenie On the flipside, I was fed the same lines by my ex and his family about the terrible ex-wife who took the kids away from him/them. She actually arranged for a mediation letter to be sent to enable him to have contact with them and he ignored it because it was too hard for him. I was pg with our DC2 and we didn't last a year after that because I lost all respect for him and the lies he'd told unfolded.

Yes, a lot of mums can be guilty of parental alienation, but also a lot of dad's can spin stuff in a certain way and withold info to gather sympathy whilst not doing very much.

I had a brief fb chat with exw when he pulled the same crap on my kids that he doesn't know about. She's absolutely lovely and now he's playing victim to his new wife about me.

If they are that bothered about seeing their kids they will be fighting to see them, not faffing about online dating.

NewlyGranny · 04/10/2020 15:19

Just remember the P in PoF and move on!

Frunkle · 04/10/2020 15:28

Parental alienation does happen - I have seen it being done by my own family member, who abaolutely lied and manipulated her way into a situation where the father of her DS couldn't see him.

However, this situation is rare compared with the number of deadbeat dads or dads who are banned from contact for a good reason. So the statistics are against this guy.

Plus it's just an inappropriate thing to write, and a toxic situation to get yourself involved in. At the very least this guy is a questionable judge of character. So I would avoid.

AlternativePerspective · 04/10/2020 15:29

It is incredibly offensive to compare parental alienation to false rape claims.

Let’s face it, those people who say that if the man wanted to see his kids he would go to court to see them, if parental alienation or parents using their children as pawns didn’t exist then fathers wouldn’t ever go to court would they? By suggesting parents wanting to see their kids would fight for them you are acknowledging that attempted parental alienation does exist.

In fact there are plenty of people on MN who actively encourage it by suggesting that e.g. the mother tell the DC the truth about what kind of husband their father was etc etc. That is IMO as much parental alienation as anything else.

I do know men who have said from the outset that the wife turned the kids against him so he doesn’t see them and I’ve been sceptical about what they say. But I equally have a friend whose DH had to take his ex to court to be able to see the kids because she actively attempted to turn his kids against him. So in that case parental alienation was real.

Being suspicious of a man stating this on a very first chat isn’t wrong, but saying that parental alienation is as rare as false rape claims is immensely offensive to any man who has had to fight to see their kids through the courts. And plenty of men do go to court to fight for access to their kids...

Bollss · 04/10/2020 15:38

[quote 2sides2acoin]@TrustTheGeneGenie On the flipside, I was fed the same lines by my ex and his family about the terrible ex-wife who took the kids away from him/them. She actually arranged for a mediation letter to be sent to enable him to have contact with them and he ignored it because it was too hard for him. I was pg with our DC2 and we didn't last a year after that because I lost all respect for him and the lies he'd told unfolded.

Yes, a lot of mums can be guilty of parental alienation, but also a lot of dad's can spin stuff in a certain way and withold info to gather sympathy whilst not doing very much.

I had a brief fb chat with exw when he pulled the same crap on my kids that he doesn't know about. She's absolutely lovely and now he's playing victim to his new wife about me.

If they are that bothered about seeing their kids they will be fighting to see them, not faffing about online dating.[/quote]
Oh I absolutely believe that happens and I believe it happens often but what I resent is people assuming I am silly because ive been spun a line. Ive seen it.

I am fully aware some dad's don't care, mine didn't, but I'm sick and tired of being told they're all the same.

AlternativePerspective · 04/10/2020 15:44

At the very least this guy is a questionable judge of character. So I would avoid. I assume you apply that to any woman who has been in an abusive relationship?

FreeGlib · 04/10/2020 15:51

"I assume you apply that to any woman who has been in an abusive relationship?"

There are courses for women exiting abusive relationships to help them recognise and move forward safely. There's no shame in needing support to recognise unhealthy behaviours.

purplechairandcat · 04/10/2020 15:54

Is parental alienation really so rare? I refused to see my dad for as long as I could remember because of what my mum told me about him.

Having said that, I got curious aged 16 and everything I was told was very much true!

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 04/10/2020 16:13

Men who want to see their kids see their kids

This isn't the case always. My brother has spent thousands in court to see his kid, kids mum has dripped poison in the kids ear slowly over time. What once went from a fantastic father daughter relationship got to the point where, shortly after mother and father disagreeing, the kid was scared to come to the dads and told social work she no longer wanted to see him. Court took that as final (from a 7 year old). So yes, there are some very manipulative parents out there who will destroy the childs relationship with the other latent simply out of revenge.

CatEatCatWorld · 04/10/2020 16:38

My ex thinks that I "poison the kids' minds" against him. When in fact I've done everything I can to facilitate it. Including just after he left meeting up with him and his new gf with the kids so they could meet her/see him for the 1st time since he left as the kids didnt want to go alone. But I'm pretty sure hes told all his family (I used to be closer to them than him) that I'm not letting them go over. Eventhough I want them to go so I can have a break!

Men spin lies.

Also my current partner has a "crazy ex" who poisoned the kids, and I was really wary about this, but this was confirmed by a more recent ex who he was still friendly with (I went round for a cuppa without him for a natter lol) as she went through the whole court case with him when she was with him. (Plus I've seen it with my own eyes now) so sometimes crazy ex's are a thing.

MzHz · 04/10/2020 17:16

While it does happen parental alienation is rare and anyone who feels they are really alienated can go to court

It’s not at all rare tbh.

And if the kids are tweens/teens there is fuck all court can do, they are able to say they don’t want to see their dad.

To fight a parent like thisDOES cause lasting damage to the kid as the alienating parent will double down and use the kid as a weapon

You can try to exert your right to see the child, but your child gets absolutely destroyed mentally...

Nothing is worth that.

MzHz · 04/10/2020 17:20

Men lie
Women lie.

I think this guy might have been trying to be open.

If your instincts are telling you to avoid,
Listen to them.

Otherwise proceed with a little caution and see what the story really is.

My oh ex really did an appalling number on BOTH her exes and their kids. Absolutely destroyed the relationships between father and dc. The only chance is to wait til the kids are older and have more freedom and distance from their mother.

See what your instincts say and be guided by them

CaMePlaitPas · 04/10/2020 17:41

Ruuuunn

TerraMirabilis · 04/10/2020 17:48

In the end, whether his story is true or not is not up to you to work out (and probably wouldn't become clear either way for some time.) It seems likely that there would be drama if you pursue this one. His boundaries aren't great if he's immediately over sharing like this. Even if he's 100% telling the truth, this is a messy situation. Why involve yourself?

Brakebackcyclebot · 04/10/2020 17:51

Men who want to see their kids see their kids

This is not always true. I work in this area and I have seen men whose ex wives behave appallingly. In one case, the ex-wife made up hundreds of allegations. ALL were thrown out of court, there was zero evidence for any of them. There was, however, a large body of evidence showing that she was manipulative, abusive and absolutely deliberately alienating the child from his father. Eventually father got full custody, but it cost him £1000s in fees, and the toll on his mental health was terrible. Not everyone has the resources to fund such action, or the mental/emotional capacity to do so. It is so naive to suggest that any father who wants to can see his kids.

While it does happen parental alienation is rare and anyone who feels they are really alienated can go to court

Yes, they can. But the court system is failing many of them. It is over-crowded, with huge delays. Many judges don't understand the complexities, and aren't trained in this area. It is long, very very stressful and expensive.

Brakebackcyclebot · 04/10/2020 17:53

Having said that, though, personally I'd run a long way in the opposite direction in your case OP.

CheshireChat · 04/10/2020 18:24

Well, my ex claims I'm doing this to our son and that he was a fantastic father cruelly stopped by me and SS.

Reality? DS6 refused all contact the first second it was an option and actually before and has refused all subsequent offers from either me or the SW 🤷🏻‍♀️.

newnameforthis123 · 04/10/2020 18:46

@TerraMirabilis

In the end, whether his story is true or not is not up to you to work out (and probably wouldn't become clear either way for some time.) It seems likely that there would be drama if you pursue this one. His boundaries aren't great if he's immediately over sharing like this. Even if he's 100% telling the truth, this is a messy situation. Why involve yourself?

This.

Original poster

nolovelost · 04/10/2020 18:53

So after I didn't respond yesterday he's sent me a message today saying "I've put some more pics up, did I say something yesterday?"

I won't respond, I'd only been chatting to him for a few hours, I can't be bothered to find out the story. I'll get hooked in and I don't want that!

OP posts: