What do all you single mums (dads) do on weekends? Anyone feel lonely?

[CakesRus3]

When it comes to weekends, my dc's 12 and 15 spend time with friends, if not, they're in their rooms chatting to friends or doing something on their phones. They do like to sit and watch the odd film with me and sometimes i can persuade them to take a nice walk with me but not as soften as they did when they were younger. I usually go to bed early in the week because i can't bear sitting with my own thoughts. Up until the beginning of the year, my idea of a relaxing evening was a bubble bath (with a glass of wine), something nice to eat, and a film. I don't go out, never really have as my dc's don't go to their dads. I remember actually feeling excited about the weekend. I have had to change my diet as I was diagnosed with coeliac. Still really struggling with nausea so I don't enjoy eating (also struggling to swallow due to anxiety the GP thinks). Struggling with feelings of being anxious therefore given up alcohol. I enjoy a nice walk and bubble bath still but feeling really strange at the moment. I just don't want to be at home. My dc's are loving company but like I explained, spend more of their weekends with friends and in their rooms. I'm glad they're happy. I'm feeling a little lost and I think maybe lonely. I don't know how to get that sense of exciting back.

I think its common. Do you have any support friends or family

56safeordangerous thanks. No family. A couple of friends that I chat to once a week on the phone, to catch up.

I feel the same - on my own with three teens - also always in their rooms and rarely go to their Dad’s - well the youngest used to but with going back to school and corona a lot less in fact not at all at the moment as he is in a vulnerable category.

The silence is sometimes deafening and I understand what it’s like.

My eldest lives with me most the time now (he's 12). Younger siblings with Mom but i have EOW and sometimes non weekend.

It is tough. Hopefully will be easier next year when covid eases. Givem their ages you might be a lot more 'free' in another three years or so.

Would a hobby interest you. I find running helps keep me sane!

Also a single parent to teens, my weekends consist of food shopping, housework, sitting alone. I could probably do more with friends if I made the effort but I have anxiety which stops me from socialising. The last year has been rough as hell and I'm actually quite happy to stay home alone and lick my wounds so to speak. It would be lovely to have some excitement in my life though

07Overwhelmed222 thanks, we are not alone in feeling alone then?!
08safeordangerous thanks, yes it's difficult for many at the moment. I'm not sure I would go out even if I did have a weekend where that was possible. They're an age where I could possibly leave them for a few hours. I do to shop, walk etc. However, it's the evenings I feel it more so. I did run, a few years ago. I struggle with by back so I walk more these days. I do remember how running made me feel though. Just picked my dd up from her friends and I spotted a guy running in the pouring rain and thought to myself 'I bet he will feel so good when he gets home'. I don't really know what else o can do at the moment.
15leolion1 thanks, this sounds like me. I'm a home bird. I just can't seem to find the excitment of weekends anymore. I'm actually not enjoying my own company. It's quite a numb like feeling.

I've taken up all sorts of hobbies and am now busy most weekends and some evenings. If you're not sure what you'd like, why not try a few things.

You mentioned walking - is there a walking group near you? Or in an area you want to do some walking?

33PositiveLife thanks, that's good. What have you been doing?
I have downloaded an app to look for various routes. Been on a few. My car has been in the garage so managing without a car at the moment. Hopefully get the car back next week so I can try out some more walks. However, many places are in lockdown at the moment so have to be careful. I don't know if something is wrong as I feel a little numb and lack that motivation/interest or I have got myself in such a rut, I'm struggling to get out of it.

Honestly, at that age I would consider my weekends my own time. The kids barely news you so you could run, shop, lie in, have a bath, decorate the house, take up a hobby, socialise, date etc.

I'm not a single mum but have a shift working husband and a 3 year old so am often alone with child at the weekend and it is definitely tougher than in the week as everyone else is having their family time!

*need not news!

It's lonely isn't it?

I really want to meet that right person, but as i never go anywhere or see anyone god knows how that's ever going to happen! 6 years now and a combination of social anxiety, having a disabled child and generally being fugly mean I'm starting to feel this is it now for me.

I guess I try not to think of weekends as being different from the week. I go to bed fairly early as I workout a lot. I've just played with the cat and about to eat a toblerone (That's the highlight of my night tbh 🤦🏻‍♀️). Next up Epsom salt bath and then when DD (16) is back from her boyfriends I'll go to bed. Not exactly thrilling but better than waking with a hangover or next to miserable narc Ex-h lol

Not a single mum but when I was single I really enjoyed running (never thought I would but actually really got into it), baking and jigsaw puzzles whilst watching crap tv! I never particularly wanted to go out and be sociable and it sounds like you just want to get back into your ‘me’ time again too. These ideas might not be the ones for you but you need something similar you can get lost in. Hope you find it x

Thankyou everyone, really appreciate your messages. Thankyou for the ideas. 57funandgammon what do you do to workout? I think I need to find some motivated, it may lift my mood.
I think I'm gonna look in the craft section when I shop next.
03BG1234 that's true, I'm a home bird. Just want to be comfortable in my own company. Need a kick up the bum really.

Op I just walk for cardio as I have hurt my knee from running. I try to do at least a hour a day. More if I can manage it. Walkings got me through some tough times! Although, I feel like forest gump sometimes lol

I also go to the gym every week morning and lift heavy weights. I'd always wanted to go to a proper old school gym, so as part of my new single life I just joined one and I've not looked back . I've been doing that nearly two years now and I'm well into it. It's given me a bit of a social life as well as I've met some cool people there and social media communities.

I’m at home with my kids every weekend as their dad doesn’t bother with them. I have no life.

OP, you need to develop adult friendships outside of the kids. I know it's hard because you're a single parent, but as you've seen, your kids are now moving into a more independent stage and will ultimately leave home in the next few years. The good thing is that they're old enough for you to leave them as you go out to spend an evening with friend(s), or even just for you to go for a hobby. If you're a natural introvert, nothing to be ashamed of being a homebody and needing a lot of alone time but why aren't you meeting with your close friends (obviously if appropriate depending on Covid situation where you are)? Hard to develop a close friendship if you don't meet the person.

Also why is their dad not part of their lives? If it's purely laziness on their part, you should be encouraging them to spend time with him as it's an important part of their own development too. They may not be meeting/staying with him as they're conscious about leaving you alone at home since you don't have a life outside of them.

i work every other weekend. The ones in between I usually go to bed when the kids do. i find the dark nights long and difficult emotionally. Its family time this time of year (NON covid times ) its fireworks, halloween, christmas , parties, get togethers etc. My wedding anniversary is also coming up, anniversary of my dads death, my birthday and all my kids birthdays . I dont have anyone and I miss family life with my (ex) husband and kids

Should add their dad sees them one day a week usually a sunday between 10.30-6pm. He never has them overnight or even to look after at my house while i go out. I rely solely on my elderly mother to help me which is a whole thread in itself. She is very anti having the children if I am doing anything other than work 'as she doesnt ever get to go anywhere' so doesnt see why I should

Jesus lilywater why is it the OPs fault that her kids don't see their dad? They're teens, in their room most of the time so obviously not that bothered about leaving mum alone. What's more likely.. That they don't want to see him or that he's yet another dickhead who can't be arsed to be a parent?
OP I get it. Mine are a bit younger so I have a slightly different issue that they still want me about all the time and I can't settle to watch what I want til they're in bed. Then. I have about 2 hours before I go up. I mostly waste them on box sets and snacking. Am also feeling more disconnected and unmotivated lately. I was running but parkrun is cancelled, all the events are off so it seems pointless. All I can suggest is getting out more maybe gym or fitness classes? Something with a social element but obvs that's not easy at the moment.

Jesus lilywater why is it the OPs fault that her kids don't see their dad?

^ this - I have teens who don’t often go to their Dad‘s and I can vouch for the fact that no amount of encouragement from me makes the slightest bit of difference.

Thankyou everyone for your messages.
I love to walk too. I wish I had the courage to walk into a gym.
38funandgammon old school? Is that a room full of weights? I can imagine full of people with big muscles (men mostly). You are so brave! I wouldn't know where to start with weights. I bet you have some guns going on after 2 years, well done.
I'm sorry some of you feel the same as I do. It's nice to know we can come here to chat. Sometimes knowing you're not alone in being alone makes you feel less alone.
My dc's dad gave up coparenting about 7.5 years ago. He found a new life and has never been interested in our dc's. We forget he exists mostly. I gave up asking for anything from him about 4 years ago. Got fed up of begging him to be a dad. He pays financially but physically and emotionally, he is non existent. His words were 'he does more than most dad's'. That's because legally he has to pay. You can't force a dad to be a dad. It's sad really. My dc's don't miss him. As they have got older they question his decisions.
I think so many people are feeling this way due to covid. I'm just so used to kicking myself up the bum at times like this. For some reason I just can't. I was even considering medication for the anxiety. Hoping it may help boost my mood, motivation, outlook on things.
I have met up with a couple of friends. However, at the moment I'm feeling a little low/anxious, for some reason it's not what I want to do. I have noticed that I just can't sit with myself. I have to be cleaning or pottering so I'm not sat. Not sure why. Also, I dread being home even though I'm too anxious to be out. I'm sorry, I know I'm not making sense here.

23HugeAckmansWife I forgot to add, that sounds like my mum. She has just moved 50 miles away now so I never ever ask. I'm used to it being just me and my dc's. Now they're older I can work without worrying about childcare. I don't date and if I do see a friend, which is very rare, we meet in the day, early evening.

I have implemented tech free Tuesday- no phones devices- no requirement to be together but generally do.
If you enjoy walking look at NT.

I have joined gym phobics. It’s a all women’s gym only takes half hour but really brightens my day.

I have also bought ring adventure for the switch.

It is time to start thinking how you would like to spend your evenings

I think you meant a different poster re mums.. Mine is amazing and dues huge amounts of childcare for me for work purposes, general logistics of 2x kids. I don't like to ask for extra babysitting for social reasons.