What do all you single mums (dads) do on weekends? Anyone feel lonely?

[CakesRus3]

When it comes to weekends, my dc's 12 and 15 spend time with friends, if not, they're in their rooms chatting to friends or doing something on their phones. They do like to sit and watch the odd film with me and sometimes i can persuade them to take a nice walk with me but not as soften as they did when they were younger. I usually go to bed early in the week because i can't bear sitting with my own thoughts. Up until the beginning of the year, my idea of a relaxing evening was a bubble bath (with a glass of wine), something nice to eat, and a film. I don't go out, never really have as my dc's don't go to their dads. I remember actually feeling excited about the weekend. I have had to change my diet as I was diagnosed with coeliac. Still really struggling with nausea so I don't enjoy eating (also struggling to swallow due to anxiety the GP thinks). Struggling with feelings of being anxious therefore given up alcohol. I enjoy a nice walk and bubble bath still but feeling really strange at the moment. I just don't want to be at home. My dc's are loving company but like I explained, spend more of their weekends with friends and in their rooms. I'm glad they're happy. I'm feeling a little lost and I think maybe lonely. I don't know how to get that sense of exciting back.

50HugeAckmansWife I do apologise.

Although I’m not a single mum, my husband at one point spent a lot of time working and living abroad. I can empathize with the feeling of sitting on your own, with in one to talk to or share a nice meal with.
A friend of mine started a book club about a year ago, where we would meet once a month. Because of COVID, we now do this via zoom. We still have the monthly chat about the book but now also just have a chat via zoom on a Thursday night. Maybe you could round up some friends and do something similar?
I have another friend who is shielding, she was quite the gym bunny before and now has a Pendleton and has made some friends through that.
Know these aren’t necessarily ‘weekend’ activities but could be nice ways to spend your time.

I think friendships are something to be nourished. Don't let them drift. I hear that you are anxious and can't find the motivation but i think you need to find some ways around this, even if it requires forcing yourself a bit. All too often you see posts on here from women who have no friends because they've let that part of their lives go when they've been busy with kids , work etc. All too soon your children will move out, be off to university, busy with their own lives, whatever and you will need that human contact. Can you maybe invite a different friend over to your house once a week for something that you'd both find fun e.g games night, take away, wine night etc? That way you avoid the anxiety of being out but the aloneness of being at home. Will also provide motivation to tidy your house!!

I have found the older I get the more I feel that life has become just one long disappointment and it is all down to me making bad decisions when I was younger. I am used to my own company now, hate OLD dating as so many on there remind me of my horrible ex.

I hear you OP. I've been a single mum with no support for almost 8 years now and it's starting to wear a little thin.

My DD prefers to spend time in her room crafting, chatting to friends or gaming than being with me.

At the beginning of lockdown when everyone was doing loads online I actually had the best social life I'd had in years. Pub quizzes, keep fit classes, chat groups, webinars... you name it I did it.

I'm sad to say that I was absolutely stunned to realise that other people were struggling with lockdown so much. To me it was actually better than usual - I'm so used to being home alone with DD and being totally cut off. Lockdown offered me loads of things to do! I even did socially distanced walks with lots of different mums and kids (at separate times!) as they were all desperate to get out. It really was great.

Unfortunately as lockdown has gone on and people are fed up of it all the online groups have dwindled off or finished altogether and no one is keen to go for a walk on a rainy weekend.

The 'power of 6' has hit me hard as many of my friends have 5 in their household already, so we can't meet up. This means we'll be home alone at Christmas too.

I'm now back to where I was before lockdown. Weekends alone and evenings in front of the tv, with very little to look forward to - I wish I could just cancel Christmas!!

To cap it all off, I've been made redundant, so I don't even get interaction with people during the day. Yes, I'm lonely. And yes it's made me panic a bit about what it's going to be like when DD goes to uni... but I am determined that I will build up a better social life for myself over the next few years before she goes, so I don't feel like this.

It's hard OP

@funandgammon

I guess I try not to think of weekends as being different from the week. I go to bed fairly early as I workout a lot. I've just played with the cat and about to eat a toblerone (That's the highlight of my night tbh 🤦🏻‍♀️). Next up Epsom salt bath and then when DD (16) is back from her boyfriends I'll go to bed. Not exactly thrilling but better than waking with a hangover or next to miserable narc Ex-h lol

OMG this !

I relate to many on here, it's sad that so many of us are lonely at times.
I'm thankful that i'm not trapped in a relationship though and i'm pretty much able to do what I want.

Most of the time i'm busy with household jobs or gardening, or general life stuff but when I get free time I tend to just watch Netflix or TV, or play games on my phone. I often go to bed early and read when my teen goes to bed, as i'm always so tired.

I would like life to be a bit more exciting but unfortunately it's a pattern i've got into. I don't have a social life because finding a sitter for my son has been difficult and I resent paying out so much money. I also work every other weekend when he is with his dad so I don't get much time to myself.

It's a bit of an existence really but not really much I can do about it until my boy is independent enough. I could probably leave him for a couple of hours in an evening if I wanted to start dating again, but i've got no motivation for all that now.

At least mumsnet is somewhere to chat and think that you're not totally alone.

Thankyou everyone for your messages. A book club sounds good but I don't think I have enough friends. I honestly don't think they would be interested. I watched a film not so long back about a group of ladies who were in a book club. I remember thinking that's a good idea. It really is, I just don't have enough friends.
I'm worried about Christmas too. I'm trying to plan some nice things at home as it will be me and my 2 dc's.
I'm past internet dating. I have and no desire. I guess that's what worries me sometimes, I lack desire in anything. I remember actually looking forward to a bath with Epsom salts and a chocolate bar.
I really do appreciate everyone's messages here. It's helped lots, thankyou.

Have you tried yoga for your back? I was hospitalised with a bad back. Started yoga and not had issues since bar my last pregnancy when little madam trapped a nerve. I also found it incredible for my anxiety especially some of the more passive moves. Sending you a lot of love

Try looking at meet ups in your local area. There's often walking groups and book groups available.

I do all sorts - rock climbing, caving, scuba diving, aerial hoop, aerial silks, pole, archery, walking/hiking. In the past I did sewing, quilting/patchwork, felting, crochet.

I've struggled with anxiety and have had to push myself to do these things but the more often you push yourself to do it, the easier it gets

Hi I really recommend FROLO. It's an online community for single parents mostly UK based. There is a forum but also a growing number of in person and online meetups on it - e.g. book groups and film groups. I've been on a few months.

I can sympathise OP but I don’t know what the answer is. My DD is 18 so not here half the time and then it’s just me sitting on my own trying not to drink too much 🙄 I try and plan something nice to eat and like you enjoy a long bath with bubbles, usually with a hood book or some m

Sorry posted too soon and that should obviously be good book! And music.

I’m actually fine with my own company and there’s always plenty to do round here but the weekends just don’t feel very special if I spend them on food shopping and housework. I miss getting dressed up for a good night out but it’s not really an option atm even if I had anyone to go with!

I dabble in online dating but my heart isn’t in it - I couldn’t wait to get home on my last date and turned down the next one i was offered. There is a useful feature on Bumble though where you can search for friends instead of dates - I’ve chatted with a few people through it and met one person for a coffee. Maybe worth a try? Otherwise feel free to PM me, I’m always up for a chat 😊

There are book groups you could join, rather than needing x amount of friends to create your own?

If you're feeling this low and anxious, maybe you should get to the gp, if you haven't already. You might find you benefit from medication (or having dosage checked) just to stabilise things a bit.

Is getting a dog an option? You like walking and are home a lot. A dog would love that and your DC would want to spend time with it too.

34Mikeymoo12 hiya, I tried hot yoga about a year ago. It gave me terrible migraines. A combination of heat I guess. I'm not sure if it actually made my back worse as since that I have struggled more. I have actually been looking into Pilates the last few days, not sure how different this is to yoga.
53PositiveLife yes, you are right, thankyou. I know how good it can feel when you achieve something or connect with others. Yesterday was the first day I felt calmer in quite a long time. When my anxiety is really bad, I struggle to shop so groups etc would be difficult. I'm hoping I get to that place to be able to push myself a little more.
33Iggypoppie oh ok, I haven't heard of this. I will have a little Google now, thankyou.
49Frenchblue aww thankyou, that's so kind of you. I'm with you on the dating, it's exhausting, I personally haven't enjoyed the experience. I really want to be comfortable on my own again. I remember enjoying a bubble bath, wine and music. Cooking something nice and watching a film. I hope to get that back soon. That was nice, how was the coffee/friend?
00category12 yes, I have spoken to my GP around the anxiety. I was hoping to manage it myself before medication. Only because I have so much going on, I couldn't cope with another side effect. So far, I have cut out dairy, alcohol and downloaded an app to help (hopefully) with sleep.
24Keratinsmooth we have a dog, he's a cockapoo, he's just turned 1. Just been on a long walk with him this morning. Yes, it definitely helps. My dc's love him too.
Thankyou everyone so much for your messages and advice. I really appreciate it.