Red flag?

[OnlyConnected]

I posted this in AIBU but didn’t get any replies so I’m reposting here. I don’t know what to think about it.

Browsing Instagram this morning I noticed the person I have been dating for 3 weeks has posted a coupley looking photo of us both. I was a bit hmm that he’d put a photo of us both up together so soon, but then noticed he’d put a background in which is those glittery lights with a heart in the middle!?

AIBU to see this as a massive red flag? Is he just a bit keen? I’ve only spoken to him for 3 weeks so we barely know each other.

Is it the photo, or is it the heart on the photo that's tipping you over the edge? Were there filters as well?

I’d find it creepy and a bit inadequate to be honest. But has anything else in his behaviour been like this? Or has he acted normal?

Have you discussed exclusivity yet? Would he describe you as his girlfriend?

None of this matters anyway in a way - I think it in itself would be enough to put me off him. I am trying to play devil’s advocate and think of a reasonable defence of it, but I can’t!

I'd assess this based on how much he usually uploads online. If he massively overshares everything he's doing online, probably not a red flag for you. He's just one of those people who live online.

The fact that YOU think it’s a red flag and aren’t comfortable with it is enough

Instinct is rarely wrong.

Ask him to take it down in the meantime, but I’d be backing out of this big time

Trust your instincts.

Thank you all for the advice, it’s helping to know I’m not over reacting about it!

It’s the heart added to the photo which has made me feel a bit odd about it. I don’t know why someone would put a heart on for someone they’ve known 3 weeks. I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing a photo this early, never mind be suggesting I feel more about that person than enjoying their company after only a few dates.

He doesn’t share much online either, there are less than 20 photos on his Instagram account and now 3 are things to do with me. The one of us and 2 of places we’ve been so it’s not like he just shares everything and this is something else added in.

I'd be looking at the timeline - as in when did his last relationship end? Definitely weird that he hasn't said to you he's falling for you (which would be a huge red flag after 5 dates in itself), but has put lovehearts on a photo visible to others like he's making a point to someone else. Trying to make someone else jealous? Trying to prove he's moved on? If he's not one for putting up pictures of every minute of his life, it's definitely a deliberate point being made - but to who?

He's probably FB friends with his ex.

My first thought is that he is trying to make his ex or someone else jealous.

@LivingDeadGirlUK

My first thought is that he is trying to make his ex or someone else jealous.

I was literally about to post the exact same thing. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

He sounds desperate.....has he ever had a girlfriend before??

''He doesn’t share much online either, there are less than 20 photos on his Instagram account and now 3 are things to do with me.''

That would creep me out too...................after 3 weeks you're pride of place in his (very sparse) online presence ??

Way too much, way too soon !

You need to trust your gut feeling with this guy, if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and swims like a duck..................then, yes, it's a bloody duck.

It looks like he's love bombing, it sounds like he's love bombing...........so he's bloody love bombing isn't he

3 weeks

Sounds over keen will he rope u in then dump u for something petty

Adding the heart image over the photo is odd. It's also something I wouldn't usually associate with men, but more so something a woman would do. Us women are much more into adding hearts, using filters etc. If my DP uploaded a pic of with a heart added.. I'd find it a bit cringe.

When I was dating my ex, he took a sneaky pic of us kissing during our second date. He was deep in the middle of love bombing me (I didn't realise it at the time) and he sent that picture to me amongst a tirade of love bombing messages telling me he was falling for me, he had never felt that way about anyone before.. blah blah blah. I'd never experienced love bombing before so was unaware what was happening. I naively thought I'd met this amazing man, my soulmate. How wrong I was!
Turned out he was a serial cheat. He was shagging everything that moved and he used the pic of us kissing to try and make his ex girlfriend jealous as she had rejected him and moved on when she found out he was a cheat.

I do think its a red flag. The last guy I dated changed his facebook status to 'in a relationship' within a week. I should have listened to my gut about that. He had gone through a bad break up the previous year and I'm positive he did this for his ex to see.

Crikey! OP please check that he hasn't constructed some soundproof room in his cellar that cannot be open on the inside, with surveillance cameras and embedded metal hooks for chains...

Not attractive in a man (or anyone?) at all.

He kind of posted those photos without your consent in a way that is wrong.

Usually people only post stuff like that when they're officially in a relationship.

And the heart. Sounds like he might have a shrine to you somewhere.

yeh, bit odd. like he's forcing it in to a very established THING while you're still assessing