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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Red flag?

43 replies

OnlyConnected · 03/10/2020 12:24

I posted this in AIBU but didn’t get any replies so I’m reposting here. I don’t know what to think about it.

Browsing Instagram this morning I noticed the person I have been dating for 3 weeks has posted a coupley looking photo of us both. I was a bit hmm that he’d put a photo of us both up together so soon, but then noticed he’d put a background in which is those glittery lights with a heart in the middle!?

AIBU to see this as a massive red flag? Is he just a bit keen? I’ve only spoken to him for 3 weeks so we barely know each other.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/10/2020 12:26

He seems a bit over-eager, doesn't he? I wouldn't like it one bit.

Purplecatshopaholic · 03/10/2020 12:29

Defo a red flag. He posted this without asking you? Sounds a bit love-bomb-ish to me...

ABCDay · 03/10/2020 12:29

Be careful with that one.

Givemeabreak88 · 03/10/2020 12:30

Well you took a coupley picture together after 3 weeks soooo???

Captnip500 · 03/10/2020 12:47

So he put this picture up without mentioning it to you or anything? Seems a bit odd.

Honestly I would wonder if he was doing it for some one else’s benefit. Is there an ex that views his profile that he is trying to possibly off?

Captnip500 · 03/10/2020 12:48

Trying to ‘piss off’. Sorry typo.

lasangoles · 03/10/2020 12:50

Might just be me but I think it's a bit strange that the photo was even taken in the first place, after 3 weeks. I've been seeing someone for a fair bit longer and even now I don't think we've reached the point of taking couply photos together. Yes, it's also strange that he posted it without asking you.

Original poster
OnlyConnected · 03/10/2020 12:52

Thanks for the thoughts. Something about it doesn’t sit right with me but I wasn’t sure if I was just being a bit wary.

I know I took the picture with him but I thought it was just like a memory of the date kind of thing, I didn’t know he was going to share it with anyone. It just seems really quick to be suggesting we’re officially a couple after only a few dates. I don’t know about his ex’s or his reasons for doing it.

I think what’s bothering me is more that he’s put a heart over the photo rather than just posting the photo. Like he’s trying to force things somehow?

OP posts:
lasangoles · 03/10/2020 12:54

Have you talked to him about it?

Givemeabreak88 · 03/10/2020 12:56

Well I think it’s odd to be taking couples pics anyway after 3 weeks, so all a bit odd but I think it does sound more like he is trying to Show off to an ex than anything else

Savemyusername · 03/10/2020 13:00

How many times have you met him?

Aquamarine1029 · 03/10/2020 13:00

I think what’s bothering me is more that he’s put a heart over the photo rather than just posting the photo. Like he’s trying to force things somehow?

There's nothing wrong with having taken a pic together, but the heart thing is just fucking weird. It's something a 14 year old would do.

BitOfFun · 03/10/2020 13:01

Weird. I'd ask him to take it down.

Justmuddlingalong · 03/10/2020 13:05

Ask him about it at school on Monday. 😉
In all seriousness, unless you're both about 13, it's weird.

Bunnymumy · 03/10/2020 13:10

Yeah it's a bit creepy. Has he been love bombing? Otherwise my thought would be as others have said, in that he is trying to rub it in an exs face. Not good either way.

How many dates have you been on?

movingonup20 · 03/10/2020 13:26

Why the skepticism? You can fall for someone in 3 weeks, I certainly did. I have been criticised but friends (older) have told me to ignore the naysayers, they were engaged in 2 months when they met their partners and have been happily married for 40-50 years!

I've just bought a house with dp, he says he knew before we even met in person!

movingonup20 · 03/10/2020 13:29

Ps we don't put pictures on social media because we aren't kids, the heart frame is weird! But we did take a picture together after 5 weeks and he met my parents

lasangoles · 03/10/2020 13:31

@movingonup20 you were very lucky. I fell for my ex very, very quickly. Completely in love with him. Things moved very quickly. I got pregnant after a year or so. Felt perfect. Then the abuse begun. He had me trapped and right where he wanted me! I'll never move that quickly in to a relationship again.

Original poster
OnlyConnected · 03/10/2020 13:34

We’ve met up 5 times. I haven’t talked to him about it yet because I wasn’t sure if I was being overly judgemental about it.

Movingonup20 I don’t think it’s how he may feel that’s bothering me. I get that some people just clicks and you can get strong feelings early on. It’s more I don’t know why he’s feeling like he needs to share it, to show it to other people. Pictures for himself are one thing, but to post them is almost like trying to force the fact we’re in a relationship before we really are. Something about that doesn’t feel right to me.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 03/10/2020 13:44

This would honestly creep me the fuck out. Ask him to remove it.

Always trust your instincts.

WinifredSanderson · 03/10/2020 13:51

Honestly it feels like you're over thinking it a bit, but ultimately if it bothers you then it bothers you. Fwiw exh was always sharing pics of himself with people he'd literally just met on a night out, work colleagues and female friends, hugging or faffing around, but never shared one of us together even when we were married! I guess what I'm saying is everyone views sharing things online differently and he maybe just thought it was a nice photo and didn't realise it would bother you.

TiggerDatter · 03/10/2020 13:55

It’s good to be wary, trust your gut on this one OP.

wobblywinelover · 03/10/2020 13:58

I don't think you're 'overthinking' it OP and I hate that phrase. The pic on it's own might have been acceptable but the silly heart on it is just either stupid/too keen/designed to make someone jealous like pp's have said. Trust your instinct and be wary of this one

Bunnymumy · 03/10/2020 14:05

No I dont think you're overthinking either. Was just thinking, if the roles were reversed...if it were a woman putting this pic on their social media with a big heart on it after a few weeks dating - the guy would be thinking 'shit, she is bloody mental!' and be taking off running. And rightly so.

MilerVino · 03/10/2020 14:08

Movingonup20 I don’t think it’s how he may feel that’s bothering me. I get that some people just clicks and you can get strong feelings early on. It’s more I don’t know why he’s feeling like he needs to share it, to show it to other people. Pictures for himself are one thing, but to post them is almost like trying to force the fact we’re in a relationship before we really are. Something about that doesn’t feel right to me.

I agree with you OP. I felt drawn to my OH when I first met him. We didn't start dating for another 18 months but I did feel as if we could potentially have something special. After 3-4 dates I thought the relationship could last in the long term. However, I didn't tell him this. I don't buy into the myth of star-crossed lovers and soulmates. It's been 2 years now and we're deeply committed to each other. However, in the first few weeks, there's no way either of us would have done anything like this. I agree it feels like he's forcing something. To put it crudely, a lot of behaviour looks like someone is pissing up a lamppost, and this is one of those times.