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Original poster

How long did you think about leaving before you did?

29 replies

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 03/10/2020 11:54

It is a monthly occurrence here and I have started saving to leave. (Secretly)

No affection, no sex, fed up with him not putting anything away, being completely forgetful when he chooses to take on extra work. Physical hygiene below my standards.

We rarely argue but I feel like he is bad for my health. I dont have a room to relax in because of his stuff everywhere...cables, computers, books. And we rarely talk about anything other than the kids because he tends to just rant at me.

Sigh. He has just come through the door. To be honest, sometimes I wish he would just leave me. Sad

OP posts:
HRT135 · 03/10/2020 12:51

I started thinking about it about 5 years before I did it. My feelings just died over time and whilst I wanted to do it straight away, I could never find the right time. I actually ended up waiting until my youngest was 18 and off to Uni. I’ve been watching this Us drama on BBC and it has lots of similarities bar the last holiday !

Original poster
Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 03/10/2020 13:12

I've watched it and can see my future there - good show, though it did make me sad.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/10/2020 13:14

8 months.

barbrahunter · 03/10/2020 13:14

About 5 years too, being clear inside my head about the implications and consequences, getting up the nerve, and planning my future. Awful at the time but now I'm really glad I did it.

Rubyshoes15 · 03/10/2020 13:27

8 years

Greenkit · 03/10/2020 13:29

I Should have left 20yrs before I did

SoundWithoutAName · 03/10/2020 13:41

About 4 years, though I wish I had been able to leave sooner.

TiggerDatter · 03/10/2020 13:51

About 7 years, also waited until youngest was at uni. No regrets

TiggerDatter · 03/10/2020 13:52

...mainly because he was only here at weekends. If he was around all the time it would have been sooner, for sure

MrsJonesAndMe · 03/10/2020 14:15

About 2 years.

Colourmeclear · 03/10/2020 14:31

A year, I suggested a break hoping he would change but then realised he was always going to be cold and uncompassionate and left.

LilyWater · 03/10/2020 15:14

OP, what were the traits that made you fall in love with him in the first place?

Have the two of you gone for marriage counselling? May help having a third party making the issues more "real" to him, and telling him your marriage needs counselling signals to him that you'r serious things need to change.

Otter71 · 03/10/2020 21:30

About 12-13 years. Was referred for freedom when DD was a baby. Finally did it when childcare stopped being something he could threaten me about...

Nackajory · 03/10/2020 21:31

About 6 years. Wish I'd done it sooner tbh.

Peace43 · 03/10/2020 21:35

Maybe 5years but it ebbed and flowed. There were times in the 5years that it wasn’t too bad and I thought we’d pull it around. Sadly not and I’m so much happier without him.

amy85 · 03/10/2020 21:40

Maybe 4-5 years

UserABCDE12345 · 04/10/2020 00:35

Years. Things would go up and down and whilst I had doubts cropping up, it was never terrible and then it would feel better and I thought I could carry on. Over time though I found that these doubts got stronger and more frequent and my MH was suffering. I was grumpy and snappy all the time. There were certain issues that never got discussed. I also felt like I'd outgrown him and the marriage.

It finally came to a head when a friend of mine was also in the same situation and ended up meeting someone else. Something that was said about you only gwtting one chance made me realise I couldn't keep going on like this. Once I'd had that realisation it was another 9 months before we actually split although some fairly big talks were had in that time where it was very clear where things were heading.

I just felt relief at the end. I felt bad for ex as he isn't a bad person at all and I hope he moves on and is happy. But we weren't suited.

mallorytower · 04/10/2020 06:53

All the people on this thread are you happier now you’ve left? Did you find somebody else? Are you lonely now that relationship is over?

barbrahunter · 04/10/2020 07:53

It has been years since we got divorced now, it feels like another life if I think about my marriage. I was, and continue to be, much happier. He's not a bad person really and he moved on too.

Londonnight · 04/10/2020 08:01

At least 5 years. I wish I had found the courage so much sooner.
It was when I started moaning constantly to friends and family about him I realised that I was the only one who could sort it.
There was no affairs on either side, no sex, no normal family life. He was a constant complainer about everything and so negative all the time. We were just two people living in the same house.
One morning I had enough and just told him we were finished and that was it!! Best thing I ever did.

Twelve years down the line I still have no regrets and I am far happier without having him around. Still single, no dates, but I am happy about that. I doubt whether I will ever live with anyone again.

PamDemic · 04/10/2020 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinnn · 04/10/2020 08:53

Years and years... We are finally seperating and he is moving out at the end of the month.

Colourmeclear · 04/10/2020 09:19

I found someone new in about four months Blush and we've been together for ten years now. He's lovely and I wish I had left my ex sooner.

OhioOhioOhio · 04/10/2020 09:31

18 months

Aminuts23 · 04/10/2020 10:31

About 9 months for me. Best decision I’ve ever made in my life

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