Husband hasn't stuck up for me

[Lilly1980]

Hi everyone, I posted on here a few weeks ago about my husband and family not sticking up for me.

The long and short was his cousin had an affair and left his wife when she had just gave birth. The new girlfriends was welcomed in the family immediately which I found disgusting. I have removed myself from the cousin and his girlfriend and continue to support the ex wife who I have been close to for a number of years.

A few weeks ago I was in the pub with my mum and sister, and the cousin and his girlfriend were in the pub with another couple. her friend was starring at me giving me dirty looks so I asked her what she was looking at, she didn't reply so we went to our tablel and sat down. next thing cousins girlfriend walks past our table, she had to go out of her way to do so. We didn't say anything. 10 minutes later she walks back in facing the table and was literally starring down my poor mum. my mum said what are you looking at. she then started shouting at me saying what I said to her friend was disgusting. So I told her that disgusting is sleeping with a married man and him leaving his wife and new baby.

After that the cousins parents came, I have know them over 20 years and we have never had a problem. The father gets in my face, pointing at my face close up, telling me to stay out of there business and then smacks my arm really hard. They were told to leave by the staff.

So the update is, my husband never said a thing to them. Not one thing! nor did my mother in law. Nobody on my husbands side has defended me at all . My husband has told my mother in law that I had called the girl as slag, and this is how it all started. He also said he was pointing his finger in my face, but I smacked his hand away.

So he has shown me he is a complete liar. just like his son. I have told my husband that I feel let down by him and his family for not defending me.

I know it all sounds very school yard, but these people have put my friend through hell. Not only did she just get dropped by her husband, but she has been bullied by them all. It is really awful what they have done. And I feel that they get away with treating people like this all the time, and nobody stands up to them.

The key thing here is that the uncle was pointing in the OPs face and hit her on the arm.

How anyones husband could stand by and allow that to happen is beyond me - I would be seriously re-evaluating my relationship.

Considering the situation it sounds like the women were staring as if to be intimidating why didn't they just sit and not stare at OP and why shouldn't they get called out for it! And as for the man to slap your arm he sounds like a pig in my eyes only give out what you can take back

Chavs - all of you. Shame Jeremy Kyles gone, you sound perfect for it.

Why didn't you just ignore her? Why did you and your mother feel the need to say "what are you looking at?".
A man slapped your arm in the pub and your husband said nothing?
Did you really mean that your husband told your mil that you called her a slag, and slapped his uncles? Hand?

Why would your husband lie about you calling this new woman a slag and pass it on? Very inflammatory thing to do.

Whether the OP should have ignored them or not isn’t here nor there.

The pointedly looking at someone is aggressive in the first place. But one sentence just doesn’t warrant the physical assault the OP was subjected to. The uncle was wrong all the way there.

It also doesn’t explain not just the lack support but the blatant lie of her DH to his family. I assume he wants to dissociate himself from her in the eyes of his family. He has told the OP very clearly in which side he is and it’s not hers.

I have an issue about concentrating on the fact the OP reacted to what was an open aggressive action because you end up feeling like the OP is responsible for the chain of reactions afterwards. As if she was then responsible for the assault in the pub or for her DH to lie about her ‘because she was looking for it by reacting’ AND ‘ she should just stay out of it’.

@Lilly1980, you need some serious talk with your DH. But I think it will be hard to come back from a situation where he LIED to cover himself up in the eyes of his family.
Has he explained why he. Acted that way?

@loopyloo12

Considering the situation it sounds like the women were staring as if to be intimidating why didn't they just sit and not stare at OP and why shouldn't they get called out for it! And as for the man to slap your arm he sounds like a pig in my eyes only give out what you can take back

I agree.

I think we are back to the ‘women don’t make waves or stand up to bad behaviour in that way’.
Which is a quite usual reaction in women, with good reasons. When women dont, they are usually at the receiving end of the Uncle’s behaviour, which is to get very physical. Thankfully the OP was in a pub where THEY protected her by kicking him out.