Lack of effort during dating from men?! Or am I just jinxed?!

[katiie3]

Hey guys...

I’m feeling very deflated at the minute by the dating world.

I’m in my early 30s now and it just seems the pick of men is getting harder and harder as the years go on.

When I was in my 20s, dating was just so easy and fun. There was no second guessing or worrying. We would meet, date, spend time together, express how we feel.

As I’m getting older, the men are sketchy, and to be honest, immature.

I’m seeing a man (we both have no kids) we live alone, so we are a bubble but there are hardly any plans of any sort from him. I usually plan our next dates and ask him what he is doing etc and would he like to see me again etc

Il invite him, cook dinner, movie nights. He usually comes over on a weekend, around 6/7pm then leave the next day.

He always comes to see me, never turned down or cancelled a date, but at the same time has never increased the pace either.

It is coming to the point where I don’t feel like making the effort anymore to even call/text.

We speak once a day in the evenings and I don’t feel as enthusiastic about things as much.

I like him but I feel like it’s another dead end of meeting yet another man and starting the cycle again.

What are your dating lives like? What am I doing wrong?!

Been dating someone I met online before lockdown happened. Still just dating, cant quit get him to commit. Early 30s too.

@Dazedandconfused10 what is it with men these days?! Do older men find it harder to express their feelings?!

I dunno! My ex has moved in with the person he met in Jan (I like my guy but no way do I think moving in together would be a good idea) so I think they are one of two extremes!

How do people in relationships generally increase the pace when dating. I’m still at the seeing each other 1x per week for the last 5 months.

I don’t even the enthusiasm anymore to answer calls from him let alone arrange dates.

I mean, if a man is into you, he would try seeing you more??? Want to see you more?

@Dazedandconfused10 how often do you see each other and who initiates and makes plans?

Oh Lord try 58. I can have my pick of shirtless weirdos, half dead blokes and no hopers all of whom think they are mysteriously attractive only to super models.
I've given up, I prefer my own company to the company of these corpses.

Once or twice a week generally. We work total opposite hours so more than that in generally impossible. We both initiate plans, infact he might more than me actually. But I'd say fairly even. I want more, he knows, but at the moment I'm happy with what I have most of the time.

As for this chap, dump him immediately, do not waste any more time on him. I find the quick turn over plan helps. I'll go on a couple of dates and if there is no effort or enthusiasm move on. There never will be.
Anyone you can't see in your future should be dumped.

Try being late 30's. I hate hate hate dating.

It's probably me - I take a while to relax and be 'me' but it never seems easy! There's always an issue or another when I meet someone I like - which is rare these days.

Everyone else seems to meet someone, continue meeting and then a relationship ensues. Never happens to me though!

To be honest I do enjoy my own company and from reading some stories on here I'm thankful a lot of the time I'm single but I just want someone to accompany me doing the things I like doing - eating out and going on trips.

Hope everyone else's dating lives gets better.

Lol, should try it in your late 40's, very slim pickings . But life is more complex when you get to my age - DC/work/dog comments. So, I'd like once a week as a regular thing, but find it's the men that push for more than that, which gets a bit much. But then I'm not in a rush as been there and done that. Horses for courses, in time there will be someone on the same page as you, maybe not this one though.
I'd be tempted to stop trying to perpetuate it and see what happens, if he takes no initiative, you have your answer.

@supercee I’m literally in your shoes.

I don’t seem to move forward. I’m forever at a stand still.

The other day I went to B and Q to pick up some paint and bits and pieces. It would have been so nice if I had company.

We live ten mins away from each other too. And I’m past the stage of suggesting things and things never progressing.

I don’t want to date the same person forever but never have a “relationship”.

I’m guilty of doing that since the age of 27 and I will be hitting my 35s in a few years.

@Opentooffers yes, I think you’re right. I’m going to stop inviting him to mine. I’m going to see if he suggests anything. If he doesn’t and a few weeks pass, I will cut my losses.

I posted similar other day....really annoying me the lack of enthusiasm and his somewhat take it or leave it attitude.

It really does make you not want to bother being enthusiastic doesn't it and is quite miserable really.

I'm stuck in this as well

Also found it easier in my 20s. I'm late 30s and he is mid 40s.

@Wanttobeonabeach I feel exactly like you do.

He is quite happy to see once a week. And it’s not even much. He comes in the evening, by which time I’m quite tired from the day.

And leaves the following afternoon.

He is a lovely man but I do find that dating like that continually for months eventually tires out.

And it would be nice to see effort from a man for once.

I arrange a date night this weekend but I’m not going to message/ring him until then.

I will see what contact he makes with me until then. If not, I will cancel.

The suggestion to me was just to leave it and see if he does anything. I just miss him though so it's hard ☹

I hate being in what I feel is an unequal relationship, I would do whatever to see him and he can just take it or leave it....feels like that anyway

@katiie3
If he only comes round at evening time does he just see you as a booty call?

What does he do on the nights he doesnt see you?

Everyone feel free to join us on the Dating thread, loads of like minded people trying to navigate the world of dating

@katiie3 have you ever spoken to him about this? Just wondering if that works!

OP I wouldn't put up with this and I'm in ny 60s!

@katiie3 he doesn't sound right for you. I think take a step back and see how he reacts, does he then step up and organise dates etc. If not, then move on. When I met my partner, we were really excited to see each other weekly. If he wasn't, then I'd find someone who was.

Go to the female dating strategy Reddit and find their handbook. There's a lot that I don't agree with and doesn't fit if you're older with kids like me. But there is an absolute ton of solid advice as well. I think its less age and more the current era of dating apps and men tbh.

I have just recently stopped seeing someone for this reason, the poor effort from him. Arranging things and doing thing together was a big problem for me in my previous relationship so I wanted someone that made me feel wanted from the get go.

The new guy was really keen the first few dates but then it was me putting all the effort in. I pulled him up on this and he reassured me everything was fine. Nothing changed following this conversation so I have decided he is just simply not the guy for me. I know what I want.

Maybe speak to him and see if anything changes? And if not, walk away before you end up settling

This man isn’t that into you, wouldn’t spend any more time with him!