Lack of effort during dating from men?! Or am I just jinxed?!

[katiie3]

Hey guys...

I’m feeling very deflated at the minute by the dating world.

I’m in my early 30s now and it just seems the pick of men is getting harder and harder as the years go on.

When I was in my 20s, dating was just so easy and fun. There was no second guessing or worrying. We would meet, date, spend time together, express how we feel.

As I’m getting older, the men are sketchy, and to be honest, immature.

I’m seeing a man (we both have no kids) we live alone, so we are a bubble but there are hardly any plans of any sort from him. I usually plan our next dates and ask him what he is doing etc and would he like to see me again etc

Il invite him, cook dinner, movie nights. He usually comes over on a weekend, around 6/7pm then leave the next day.

He always comes to see me, never turned down or cancelled a date, but at the same time has never increased the pace either.

It is coming to the point where I don’t feel like making the effort anymore to even call/text.

We speak once a day in the evenings and I don’t feel as enthusiastic about things as much.

I like him but I feel like it’s another dead end of meeting yet another man and starting the cycle again.

What are your dating lives like? What am I doing wrong?!

Agree Twenty, am so glad I did my dating the old fashioned way before online dating.

Don't bother to contact him, wait to see what he does .... I appreciate it's a bit harder during Covid times but does he never offer to take you out, go somewhere new? Sounds as though he is using you for a good meal and sex.

It gets no better, they are extremes, I’m 40s and the guy I was seeing prelockdown was all enthusiastic but then it drifted to me organising everything. Now he’s gone totally radio silence and because I didn’t push to organise the date this week it hasn’t happened.

Same way with everyone the last 5 years, either just not that bothered or asking me to move in after 5 minutes.

I think they want either a hassle free regular shag or a mother. Deflating and I’m not going back online!

I mean, if a man is into you, he would try seeing you more??? Want to see you more?

Yes. You have already worked out the answer for yourself.

Take this excellent advice from a couple of posts ago:

This man isn’t that into you, wouldn’t spend any more time with him!

It’s sounds like a very easy arrangement for him, requiring minimal effort and with you doing all the work (cooking, arranging activities). I work in a male-dominated field so I get to hear quite a lot about men’s attitudes to relationships. Many of them will happily bide their time for years with somebody they don’t intend staying with long term until their ‘thunderbolt’ (this is a direct quote, I’m afraid) happens along, at which point the previous girlfriend is binned. Don’t be that woman.

Good grief, OP. So you're providing him with effort-free sex once a week? With a free meal thrown in? And he offers nothing at all?

No wonder he never turns down your invitation.

Honestly, you really are worth more than this. I feel humiliated on your behalf.

You need to move on, he’s shown you his intentions - an easy, weekly shag and a meal cooked for him..

He doesn't sound that into you and I'm not saying that to be cruel. You deserve more. I'd dump him.

Don’t wait for him to contact you. He’s made his position clear. You’re Miss will do for now.

Just end it. Sooner you do it the sooner you’ll have a chance to meet someone else.

And I second the female dating strategy recommendation.

They’d be telling you no cooking for men who haven’t shown a level of commitment. Until then you should be going out on dates and he should be trying to impress you

Sounds like that’s the type of relationship he wants but you don’t.

I’ve been dating someone for about 3 months. We are early 40s, met on Tinder. See each other about once a week - would both like more but locations, his work, my childcare, makes that impossible. We are both over-texters and text all day really. He does discuss his feelings for me and is complementary and sweet - no mention of love or anything scarily heavy tho. He won’t be meeting my daughter for a long time (if ever) and is completely happy with this......

I think I just got lucky in that I managed to find someone on the same page as me. He was actually my first ever Tinder date, tho I did swipe and chat to LOTS of men before picking him! Many were nice, but some were clingy, some just boring, some clearly weren’t ever actually up for meeting......

With the one I picked, we were quite open about what we were and weren’t looking for before we met, so that helped too. I obviously wouldn’t say this to him (it would sound insane - we’ve only known each other 3 months) but he is so funny and such a free spirit, sometimes it does feel like I’ve found my soulmate! But we will see.......

There are so many great guys out there! Don’t give up and don’t ever settle!

You are not jinxed, just putting up with less than you deserve
He’s sounds a selfish arse, content with his little routine with you as it’s easy and breaks up his week, with no effort or input from him

Kick him into touch, when you meet someone and you both fancy each other it all becomes a natural progression with equal feelings growing.
He’s got his cake and eating it, you are putting up with a second rate lazy man

Na you’re not jinxed, you just need a higher turnover. First sign of apathy from someone, ditch, move on. It won’t improve & you deserve better. No chance of meeting Mr right while your giving the time of day to Mr not fussed.

It gets worse. I dated my XP for eight YEARS and when I suggested we both move in together, he declined because he couldn't be bothered with the effort of having to move. He was also very very very set in his ways.

Dating over 50 is the absolute pits. I've decided to stay single and live alone with my dog. I rely on my friends for company/days out/holidays.